Static Waves
by my-other-ride-is-your-mum
Summary: Kinda AUish. Post S3Ep9 Naomily fight there is no love ball and no Cyprus. Emily and Naomi snuck around all summer but now Emily is sick of hiding and Naomi still can't admit her feelings. So what happens when Emily tries to move on?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N****: Okay so I've been reading these fics for quite a while and thought i'd try my hand. I just want to give a massive shoutout to LuvActually whose stories are _publishable masterpieces _and really inspired me to give it a go. Same goes for Circle 142, foolishgames, postwar, TheCon12, emotional champ and Miss Pegg. **

**So this is kind of AU, but pretty much follows the story up until Naomi and Emily's fight in S3 ****Ep**** 9. The rest you'll pick up in this chapter. It will alternate ****POV**** from Emily and Naomi and I've tried to keep them somewhat in character emotionally but still made them my own a little. I'm also not British and not bothered with getting hung up on British slang. Sorry to all you hardcore peeps!**

**Anyway here's what i got so far. Please don't be too harsh. There is a vague plan but nothing as intricately plotted as some of you superstar ****fic**** writers! **

* * *

"I can't wait for you anymore Naomi."

Emily was glad they were sitting side by side on the bench so she could keep her eyes focused straight ahead. She knew she couldn't look at Naomi. She knew that her resolve would crumble and she'd never get the words out if she did. And she needed to get the words out. The words were killing her.

They'd had this conversation before. It seemed they were always having this conversation, even when the words went unspoken. The first time had been in Naomi's room. Naomi had dragged Emily back there to make love in a feverish blur of hands and lips after announcing that she was going to Cyprus for the summer. After Emily's outburst Naomi had decided to stay in Bristol and Emily had taken it as a sign that Naomi was going to try harder. But not much had changed. They'd spent the summer sneaking kisses and touches in crowded clubs and movie theatres or under tables. Emily having to tell countless lies to her family so she could spend the night in Naomi's bed. She was comforted by the fact that she would wake up in Naomi's arms, the blonde no longer running every morning. But it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. And now college was starting again in a few days and Emily wasn't as hopeful as she was this time last year. She knew she couldn't go another year living half her life.

"It hurts...too much Naoms...and I can't keep chasing after you. I'm tired."

She was tired of trying. Tired of their little dance, the routine they had become trapped in. Emily would push Naomi to give in to her feelings, Naomi would freak out, soon after and then Emily would have to hold herself back once again. She was tired of holding herself back.

And she was tired of lying. Lying to Katie and her family about where she was. Lying to the world about _who_ she was. It was exhausting.

She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye as it threatened to fall. She didn't want to cry in front of her. Naomi had everything else, Emily didn't want Naomi to take that from her too.

"So I'm going to go home now. ..and..."

She swallowed, struggling with the thought. Struggling to keep the sadness and fear out of her voice.

"...and tomorrow everything can go back to normal for you."

The last whispered words were what hurt Emily the most. Because Emily's normal was the smile that spread across her face whenever she thought of the blonde. Her normal was her heart pounding against her ribs whenever she saw Naomi. Her normal was the shiver that sparked across her skin and settled between her legs whenever Naomi touched her. Emily's normal was loving Naomi.

And Emily knew that wasn't Naomi's normal. Not yet anyway. Not after all this time. And she couldn't hope and wait any longer. Hope can be just as debilitating as despair.

She could feel the blonde sitting stiffly next to her. Emily had felt the tension between them shift as soon as she had started speaking. But she wouldn't look at her. She couldn't.

For the first time in her young life Emily ignored the part of her heart that was screaming for her to take it all back. To tell Naomi that she would love her forever. That she would wait forever.

But she knew what that meant. She knew it mean she couldn't hold Naomi's hand walking down the street. That she couldn't kiss her in the college hallways. That she would have to watch boys flirting with Naomi and could do nothing about it. She knew it meant she might never have Naomi. Not how she wanted her.

So she stood without another word, without breaking her forward gaze, and she walked away from the girl she'd loved for years.

Despite the crushing pain in her chest, Emily knew she'd done the right thing. And she felt oddly powerful, like she had reclaimed a piece of her soul. She had put her own needs before anyone else's for the first time in a while. She felt good about herself again. It was the first time in a long time that she felt like she was worth something. She was Emily Fucking Fitch, and she deserved to be happy.

* * *

Naomi sat on the bench for another hour. The wind picked up and the rain started to fall but she just sat there, running through everything in her head. Running through the tangled messy ball of emotion that had been the last year. They'd had this fight before. In one way or another they were always struggling with it. Emily didn't understand. Emily didn't understand that Naomi wasn't sure. That she was _terrified_. That the way Emily made her feel scared the shit out of her and that she knew that if she ever gave in to those feelings they would consume her entirely, and then her life would be in Emily's hands, and she couldn't live like that. So she'd stayed silent. But as Emily spoke Naomi realised there was something so final about what she was saying and how she was saying it. She had gotten so used to Emily always being there, always coming back after she pushed her away, always waiting for her to catch up. And Naomi had tried to catch up. She had gotten used to waking up with Emily in her arms after making love all night, even missing it those nights Emily couldn't stay over. She didn't flinch away when Emily came too close in public anymore. She was hoping she could change. She just needed more time. So Naomi struggled to breathe once she realised that Emily really wasn't going to chase her anymore. That she wouldn't be coming back. And Naomi knew it was true, because she'd always known that Emily was the strong one. The brave one. And she knew she could never be as brave as Emily wanted and needed her to be. So she'd sat silently and let Emily walk away from her, knowing that Emily was better off without her.

It wasn't until she felt her phone vibrate that she was pulled from her daze, realising that her clothes were soaked through and that she was shivering. She slipped her phone out of her pocket and checked the message. It was Cook telling her about a party. Her first thought was if Emily would be there but she quickly pushed that aside. She couldn't worry about Emily. Emily wasn't hers anymore. She deleted Cook's message determined to ignore it just as her phone buzzed with another message. This one from her mum, asking where she was. Naomi suddenly remembered they were supposed to be on a train to London soon. She messaged back, shielding her phone from the light rain with her other hand. She told her mum that something had come up and she was okay but she couldn't go to London. A moment later her phone rang loudly. She knew who it was before she checked the screen for the caller ID.

"Hi Mum," she said with forced cheer.

"Naomi love what's going on?" Her mum didn't sound worried so much as slightly suspicious. "What's this business that's suddenly come up?"

"Nothing just some school stuff I need to deal with," Naomi replied, trying to be as vague as possible.

Her mum was silent for a moment. "Has this got something to do with Emily?"

Naomi sighed. They'd always danced around the nature of her relationship with Emily. Emily had been over almost every day and night over summer. Naomi knew that sometimes she and Emily had been a little too...vocal some of those nights and was aware that her mum knew what was going on, but she'd never said anything and she was thankful that her mum never pressed her about it.

"No mum I just can't go." she snapped.

"Alright alright fine. I'll see you when I get back tomorrow night. Love you."

"Yeah," Naomi replied simply before hanging up.

She dragged herself back to her house, finally feeling the wind and rain, almost hypothermic by the time she walked through her front door.

She made her way into the bathroom, stripping off her clothes and stepping into a scalding hot shower. And that's when she let herself cry. Because even though the house was empty she needed the sound of the shower to drown out her sobs. Because she couldn't bear to hear herself cry.

* * *

Emily walked home, rehearsing the next speech she was about to give in her head, trying not to think about the blonde she'd left sitting on the bench. The heavy grey clouds that had been threatening rain all afternoon finally delivered and the cool wind chilled Emily's skin but she barely felt it. She walked up the path to her front door hoping that Katie was home. Their parents were gone for the weekend and James was staying at a mates.

"Katie?" she called as she walked through the door.

There was no response but Emily heard the sounds of the shower running and made her way up to their room. She brushed some clothes off her bed and fell onto it. Closing her eyes for a brief moment, summoning her courage.

"Hey loser," Katie greeted her as she waltzed into their room. "Did you get Cook's message about the party?"

She looked to Emily for a response. Emily sat up and took a deep breath. Her heart was thumping but instead of feeling terror she felt energised. She felt confident.

"Katie I'm gay."

Her twin froze in front of the mirror, hand halfway to her face holding mascara. Emily could see Katie's eyes widen with shock and then narrow as she composed herself before turning around.

"Is this Campbell putting fucking ideas in your head again? Because you're not gay Em. You're not-"

"Katie," Emily cut her off, keeping her voice tight, feeling stronger than she could ever remember feeling. "This isn't about Naomi or anyone else. This is about _me_. And I'm telling you that I'm gay."

Katie regarded her for a moment before straightening her shoulders and standing firm, her lips curling in amusement.

"No."

Emily's face clouded with confusion but she didn't falter. "What do you mean no?"

"I mean I'm telling you you're not a fucking lezzer. We've been through this before."

Katie turned back to the mirror, effectively dismissing Emily.

They had argued about this before, Katie continually unwilling to accept what Emily was telling her. To accept who Emily was. It wasn't always said explicitly and sometimes there were no words at all but, much like with Naomi, they had struggled over it all summer.

Emily sighed and stood behind her sister, no longer willing to back down.

"Katie I'm gay. I'm telling you because you're my sister and I love you. But I don't need your permission."

She could see Katie's face reflected in the mirror. Emily watched her smile falter, her eyes soften.

"I'm still Emily. I'm still your sister. I'll always be your sister."

They stood in silence for a few moments, Katie still standing with her back to Emily.

"Is this because of Campbell? Because-" Katie reached desperately for something to blame.

"This is because I was born this way," Emily interrupted. "This is who I am."

They glared at each others reflections for a moment, before Katie lowered her eyes and turned to face Emily.

"I know."

The words fell from Katie's lips so softly that Emily barely heard them. But she did hear them, and her heart swelled with hope.

Katie lifted her eyes to meet Emily's and that's when Emily knew they would be okay.

Emily stepped forward and pulled Katie into a hug. They didn't need any more words. The hug saying more than words could have.

* * *

Katie convinced Emily to go to the party. They hadn't touched on their conversation again that afternoon but Emily could feel that something in their relationship had shifted. That she and Katie were finally being honest with each other.

But all afternoon Emily couldn't stop her thoughts from straying to the blonde girl she still ached for. She wondered what Naomi was doing and how she was feeling. She wondered if the blonde had anything to say to her. But then Emily reminded herself that if Naomi really wanted to say something to her she would have. That Naomi had all summer to do something. And that as hard as it would be she would have to try and ignore her feelings and hope that soon it wouldn't hurt so much.

So she agreed to go to the party. She wanted to get fucked up and stop her mind running for one night. She was emotionally drained from the day and needed to laugh and dance and play and forget her life for a few hours. And she knew Naomi would be in London with her mum for a protest tomorrow.

So Emily got dressed up and jumped into a taxi with Katie, as they made their way to the address Cook had sent them. The house was already vibrating with music and people when they arrived. Katie grabbed Emily's hand as they made their way down the path to the front door.

"Let's go find some fit boys..."

Katie trailed off as she realised what she'd just said, tripping over her words as she tried to recover.

"I, I mean girls...no, not girls...I mean a girl for you and a boy for me."

Emily laughed and shook her head, squeezing Katie's hand and pulling her along behind her into the house.

* * *

A couple of hours later Emily was still enjoying the buzz of the pills Effy had given her and the half bottle of vodka she'd downed. It was stuffy in the house and she needed some air, stepping out into the yard and lighting a cigarette. It was oddly quiet out there considering how loud it was inside the house. Besides a boy passed out on the side of the yard she was alone. It was peaceful. She sat on the back step, stretching her legs out and letting her head fall back, her thoughts drifting to Naomi now there were no distractions.

"Can I bum one of those?"

Emily lifted her head and looked towards the voice. It was a girl she had seen in the party. She'd made eye contact and smiled a couple of times but didn't think much more about it. The girl was very pretty, slim and tall with straightened shoulder length blonde hair, green eyes and an adorably crooked smile. Emily briefly found herself questioning if she had a thing for blondes. She had never considered what her 'type' was before. She'd always just thought it was Naomi.

"S-sure," she said stuttering slightly, pulling the packet from the pocket of her skirt and offering it.

"Thanks..."

The girl raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Emily," she replied.

She watched the girl light her cigarette, concentrating on the way her pink lips curled around it, and blinked hard.

"Thanks Emily. I'm Anna." She flashed a brilliantly bright smile and Emily felt her stomach flip. Anna lowered herself to sit on the step next to her. Emily released a breath she didn't know she'd been holding.

"It's a bit mental in there..." Anna added, waving her hand back to the house.

Emily nodded.

"...not exactly my scene."

The admission made Emily smile. "Yeah, me neither."

"So," Anna began as she exhaled a cloud of smoke, "you have a twin sister."

Emily nodded again, unable to trust her voice at the moment.

"She seems like a handful. I've already seen her making out with three different guys tonight."

"Yeah well we're pretty much opposites," Emily added hastily, only realising the truth of her words in that context after they'd left her tongue.

Anna studied her for a beat. "Cool."

Emily caught the flirtacious grin Anne was throwing her way. A tense silence stretched between them as Emily's heart beat frantically in her chest, her breathing shallow. For the second time that day she sat next to a beautiful blonde she had trouble looking in the eye.

"So do you live around here?"

She didn't want to ask such a lame question but she couldn't stand the silence.

"Yup, you could say that," Anna nodded, "I actually live _here_."

Emily's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "So this is _your_ party?"

Anna shook her head. "Not really. This is my cousin's house, I've only just moved in. He's the party monster."

Emily nodded in understanding. Her mind flooded with questions for the pretty girl. She wanted to ask Anna her why she was living with her cousin. She wanted to ask which school she would be going to. She wanted to ask what her favourite colour was. What music she listened to. She felt like she wanted to know everything about her.

"So do you go to Bristol college?" Anna asked, pulling Emily out of her thoughts.

"Yeah."

"I'm starting there next week. It'll be nice to know at least one person." Anna smiled warmly.

Emily felt her stomach flutter again. Anna was cute and Emily wanted to kiss her, but for a brief moment her stomach dropped as another blonde girl flashed through her mind. She felt like she was cheating on Naomi...only she wasn't. Naomi wasn't her girlfriend and had never been her girlfriend and Emily needed to get on with her life.

"Well then we should get to know each other then."


	2. Chapter 2

**Nawww thanks for the awesome reviews peeps! Glad to see some of you are enjoying this and it's nice to get some feedback.**

**I also forgot to put in the whole "I don't own skins blah di blah..." before so yeah, I think it's pretty obvious I don't own skins and if I was getting paid for this it would be awesome but alas...I am not.**

**Um, I'm also going to try and keep it as minimal character-wise as I can...because to be honest I think I'm shit at capturing the other characters...so if you think my Emily and Naomi are shit you'll be thankful for that...lol.**

**Also I just want to say that I will try to update as quick as I can but I am a world class champion procrastinator so if I go for like a week without updating someone _please_ send me a message being all like, 'bitch, get off your lazy ass and write me an update!' I'm serious...I cave to peer pressure like a thirteen year old with a cigarette...**

**Anyways enough rambling...I hope you like...**

* * *

Emily blinked furiously as her eyes adjusted to the morning light. She silenced the alarm on her phone and checked the screen. No messages. She hadn't heard from Naomi all weekend. She didn't expect to, but she couldn't help wanting to. She wondered if that would ever go away. She had heard from Anna, they'd been texting over the weekend, but she still wasn't sure how she felt about it. They'd talked for an hour or so at the party, fairly harmless stuff that could easily be dismissed as making a new friend. Except for the occasional flirtatious smiles and touches from Anna that is. Emily had been buoyed by alcohol and drugs and had enjoyed the company and attention at the time but regretted it slightly when she'd woken up with a clearer head the next morning. But Emily still wasn't sure if Anna was interested in her in that way. She knew some people were just flirtatious by nature, especially when they'd been drinking and Emily wasn't exactly experienced in this area, Naomi was the only girl she'd ever interacted with in that way. Maybe she'd misread everything and Anna just wanted to be friends. Which is what Emily had decided she wanted. Because as nice and as pretty as Anna was she still wasn't Naomi. And Emily still loved Naomi.

She rolled over and looked across the room. Katie's bed was empty, she was probably in the shower. Emily smiled to herself thinking about how things had shifted with her twin. They hadn't discussed her coming out any further, Emily supposed that neither of them wanted to push anything as they were finding this new balance in their relationship. Katie was still as demanding of her as she had always been and Emily knew it wouldn't change overnight. But there was a playfulness to it now, an acceptance that she might tell Katie to go fuck herself and that would be okay. She was thankful that Katie hadn't asked about Naomi all weekend, but she knew that Katie would notice the change in their relationship at college today and she would be pressed for answers.

Emily found herself faltering a few times over the weekend. Questioning whether she'd made the right decision, if she should give in and call Naomi. But every time she thought through what their reunion would be like, a flurry of kisses and skin, she thought about what would inevitably follow. More uncertainty and indecision. Emily had finally made her decision and was determined to stand by it.

* * *

Naomi was surrounded by red and brown. It embraced and enveloped her completely, swirled around her and cuddled her gently like a cloud. She felt safe and loved and home. She could feel herself smiling and she never wanted to leave. But then something was pulling her away, pulling her out of the peacefulness. It was a voice calling for her. She reluctantly blinked her eyes open and noticed her mother in the doorway.

"Time to get up for college love."

Naomi grumbled and turned away. She didn't want to go to college. She didn't want to see Emily. She didn't want to see anyone. She had thought about calling Emily all weekend, her finger hovering above the call button on her phone for hours, but in the end she knew she shouldn't. She had always known she wasn't good enough for Emily, and now Emily knew it too. The best thing she could do for her was let her go. So she spent the weekend locked away in her room, ignoring messages from Cook and Effy, initially inviting her to parties and then eventually questioning if she was still alive. She harshly dismissed her mother the few times she'd tried to ask her what was wrong, thankful when she got the message and stopped prying.

After a few minutes of unsuccessfully trying to get back to the red and brown Naomi slid out of bed and into the shower. She threw on some clothes and made her way downstairs, wincing when she saw her mother sitting at the table, anticipating more questions she didn't want to answer.

"I've made you breakfast..."

She opened her mouth to speak but her mum beat her to it.

"...yes I know you don't eat breakfast but it's the first day of college for the year and I'd like your brain to be functioning to at least fifty percent its capacity. Balance out all the shit you pump into your body."

Naomi grimaced and slumped down into the seat, picking at the food on the plate in front of her and sipping on her coffee. She couldn't help but think of the summer mornings she'd shared breakfast with Emily. Emily loved breakfast. They'd come down from Naomi's room at some point late in the morning or early afternoon and Emily would load up on whatever was offered, pancakes or toast or eggs or leftover pizza. Naomi would sit sipping her coffee, smiling goofily while watching the redhead devour all food before her. She had never gotten used to seeing the sheer amount of food the tiny girl could consume. Her stomach tightened at the thought that they'd never have breakfast together again. She already missed so much about Emily. The playful glint in her brown eyes, the silky feel of her hair, the rasp of her laugh and the way her fingers always sought out to touch her in some way. But it was more than the way Emily looked and felt. I was the way Emily always called her on her bullshit. The way Emily always knew what was on her mind without her having to say the words. The way she made her feel like she could do anything. And Naomi knew it was these feelings that damned them in the end. Because even though she had never said the words Naomi knew Emily loved her. And Naomi didn't think she could ever love anybody that way, the way Emily deserved to be loved.

She blinked back tears, grateful her mum was sitting across from her completely engrossed in her newspaper, tsking and tutting every now and then at something she read.

After managing a few mouthfuls of eggs she stood abruptly.

"Right I'm off. Don't want to be late...first day back and all."

She forced a smile and grabbed for her bag.

Her mum lowered the paper from her face and Naomi noticed her sympathetic smile.

"Naomi love. It's always hard in the beginning. But...it gets better."

She knew her mum wasn't talking about college.

She could only nod her head before she heaved her bag over her shoulder and walked to the door.

* * *

New school year – new Emily Fitch...well maybe not new...maybe just a little more honest. She wasn't planning on running around waving a rainbow flag but she wasn't going to hide herself anymore. She was meeting Anna at the front gate of the college. Anna had suggested it at the party and Emily had agreed when the buzz was still pumping through her veins, before she could think better of it. She just hoped that Anna got there before Naomi did, she didn't want Naomi to think that she was waiting for her. Katie had already gone in ahead of her with Panda and Effy. It still surprised her how Katie and Effy had become friends, and she still wasn't entirely sure how it had happened. She had been so distracted with Naomi over the summer that she and Katie hadn't spent too much time together. All she knew was that Effy's parents' divorce had gotten ugly and Katie had helped her one night when Effy got particularly badly fucked up at a party.

Emily was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of her name and she smiled with relief when she realised it was Anna. She took in the picture of her as she walked towards her. The sun bouncing off her golden blonde hair. The mischievous green eyes. The not-quite-smirk that played on her full pink lips. She couldn't help comparing her to the other blonde that usually occupied her thoughts. Anna's hair was naturally blonde while Naomi's was lightened with peroxide. Anna's face seemed to always hold a warm smile while Naomi's default expression was a scowl. Anna was open, so open and inviting and Naomi was closed off and hidden. Emily liked that she wouldn't have to try so hard with this new friend. That she wouldn't have to hide and lie and could be herself from the outset. That it could be easy for once.

"Hey," she said in greeting as Anna approached her. "Ready for your exciting first day at this world renowned college of scholastic excellence?"

Anna giggled. Emily thought that she liked making her giggle.

"Can't wait," Anna replied with feigned enthusiasm, startling her slightly when she looped her arm through Emily's as they began walking toward the college.

_Friends_ Emily reminded herself. This is what friends do.

* * *

Naomi had stopped walking once she noticed the redhead standing by herself at the gate. Her lungs contracted and her heart fluttered. _Was she waiting for me? Was it all another empty threat? Was Emily going to drag me to the toilets and wrap her arms around me and kiss the last few days away? _Her heart swelled with hope at the thought. And then she saw Emily's eyes soften. She saw Emily's face light up with a smile, a smile that was usually reserved for her. She looked across and saw a blonde girl approaching Emily. A girl that Emily's smile was directed at. A girl Naomi had never seen before. A girl Emily seemed very happy to see.

Her breath hitched as her chest tightened. She forgot how to breathe. She could feel the blood draining from her limbs. She tried to talk the knot in her stomach undone. Maybe it was a relative...maybe an old friend...maybe a friend from last year that Emily hadn't mentioned. But the knot only tightened the longer she observed them. It didn't matter who the blonde girl was. If Emily kept smiling at her like that Naomi knew the knot might never go away. And then she almost blacked out entirely when the blonde girl slide her arm under Emily's as they walked into the college. She stood there watching them until they'd disappeared into the building. Until she could feel her legs again. She felt the cigarette she'd been neglecting burning her fingers and dropped it. She wanted to run home, she wanted to climb into bed and throw the covers over her and go back to that peaceful place of red and brown. She started backing away but stopped when she heard her name called.

"Naomi let's go. We've got that fucking assembly shite this morning."

It was Kieran, walking up behind her, throwing his own cigarette to the ground and gesturing towards the college.

Naomi sighed heavily and made her way into the college. She wanted this day to be over as soon as possible.

* * *

They congregated in the gym once again. Students entering slowly in dribs and drabs, most of them recognisable to Emily, one of the few new students sitting beside her. She sighed when she realised it was almost the exact same place she sat on this day last year. How things had changed so much yet remained the same since that day. Yes she had grown in so many ways in the past year but when it came down to it she was still pining over the aloof blonde girl she was so hopelessly in love with. A girl who didn't love her back.

Anna was going over her class schedule and Emily noted that they were in most of the same classes which seemed to please Anna. _It's because she needs a friend here_, she reminded herself. The group of students started to settle and Emily surveyed the crowd. She found Katie sitting down the front talking animatedly with an equally excited Pandora and a nonchalant Effy. Cook, Freddie and JJ were sitting a little to her left, Cook no doubt regaling them with tales of his debauchery. He had gotten worse over the summer. Katie heard from Effy what had happened when they had gone to see Cook's dad, and Emily supposed that couldn't have helped either. She had never really liked Cook all that much. She'd always hated the way he shamelessly flirted with Naomi and how Naomi never stopped him. Yet another thing they'd fought about.

She felt someone looking at her. She knew who it was before she shifted her gaze. She tried not to. She didn't want to get lost in those blue eyes once again. But like every other time she couldn't stop herself. She held her eyes for a second before Naomi looked away. Emily thought she looked sad. Naomi was surrounded by students yet utterly alone and Emily could feel the muscles in her legs tense as she fought the urge to walk over there and just sit next to her. Just so Naomi wouldn't be alone.

In the end Anna made the choice for her as Emily felt a hand on her arm, pulling her attention back to the girl beside her.

* * *

As soon as Naomi snuck in to the gym she spotted Emily in the stands. She could always find Emily and it wasn't because of her vibrant red hair. It was like she had an Emily radar – she could _feel_ her. She couldn't explain it but her skin seemed to hum whenever the redhead was near. She was sitting next to that blonde girl and they were chatting away easily. The knot in Naomi's stomach tightened.

"Fucking hell."

She tried to turn and walk out but Kieran was hot on her heels.

"If I have to fucking sit through this shite then so do you," he said teasingly, pushing her shoulder gently and prodding her forward.

So she trudged up the steps and found a clear space furthest from Emily and the blonde. She tried not to look, she really did, but looking at Emily was another thing she couldn't help.

She noticed how much the redhead had changed since this time last year. The shy, uncertain Emily with her fleeting glances and nervous smile was gone - you could tell just by looking at her. Gone were the twins matching bows and beauty spots. Emily's hair hung freely around her relaxed shoulders, her fringe swept to the side. Emily just seemed happier and Naomi couldn't help but wonder if it was because they were over. Maybe she had been holding Emily back. And maybe now that stupid blonde girl with that annoyingly bright smile could make Emily happier than Naomi ever had.

She watched Emily's head turn and their eyes locked for the briefest of moments, Naomi unable to pull her eyes away immediately. She saw Emily's face fall slightly, unsure of what it meant.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: For those of you interested, the title of this fic is the title of a song by Andrew Belle & Katie Herzig... I _LOVE_ the song and was listening to it when I wrote the first chapter. But don't listen to the lyrics and freak out trying to predict the ending of this story...it was more an inspiration for the start...so go listen and download...er...but not like _illegally _or anything because _that's wrong_...lol**

**As always thanks muchly for your reviews and story alerts. It's nice to read your feedback and see what you guys are liking or not. Shout out to Ellie Timmers who thought Chapter 2 was sad...there is some happy coming I promise...but who doesn't love the dramz! And to Boo who encouraged me to write the other characters...I gave it a try...kinda...let me know if I fucked it up!**

**I don't own skins blah di blah...and back to work tomorrow so probably not updating as fast...although I might forgo sleep if I'm feeling inspired...it's almost 2am...i'm going to be so fucked for work tomorrow... :P**

* * *

Hours later the knot in Naomi's stomach hadn't loosened. She started to worry that it never would. She watched the morning rush by far too quickly as the day inched closer to lunch time. She'd found it easy to avoid bumping into the redhead since they hadn't shared any classes yet but lunch would be another matter entirely. If the group were hanging together she'd either have to join in, where things would be awkward with Emily and that fucking blonde girl who was sure to be by her side, or she could spend some more time by herself, something she figured she'd be doing a lot of now. She threw her books in her locker contemplating her options, and was relieved then, when someone else made the decision for her.

"We're going for a smoke," Effy informed her as she breezed past her locker, not slowing down to allow her to catch up.

She silently thanked the mystical forces that had created Effy and hurried after her, falling into step with her just outside the doors. They walked over to their usual spot, a tree on the other side of the oval, and Effy slid down and leaned against it. Naomi joined her a second later.

"So you disappeared last weekend," Effy stated as she exhaled a cloud of smoke. She passed the packet and lighter to Naomi.

"Yeah," Naomi replied before lighting her own.

"And now Emily has a new _friend_."

The way Effy said _friend _made Naomi want to punch something. She picked at the loose thread on her skirt instead.

"Her name is Anna," Effy said in answer to a question she knew Naomi would never ask.

_Anna_, Naomi thought. _Fucking Anna._ With her pretty blonde hair that probably never needed straightening and eyes that were unnaturally green. Fucking Anna not afraid to touch Emily in public. Fucking Anna.

"It'll fall off."

Naomi's eyebrows knitted in confusion for a second before she realised that she had been winding the thread around her finger which was now turning purple. She unravelled the thread and took a deep drag of her cigarette.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. It was comfortable. Naomi liked that Effy never demanded anything of her. Not like her mum. Not like Emily.

"You should tell her," Effy said simply.

"Huh?" Naomi replied, running her free hand over the grass. The knot in her gut that she thought had been slowly loosening tightened again.

Effy scoffed at Naomi's attempt to play dumb. "You should tell her you love her."

"Like you did with Freddie?" Naomi countered.

The Effy/Freddie relationship saga was a long and painful story. After they'd gotten home from their little seaside adventure with Cook's dad they'd tried to give it a go. But Effy was Effy and personally Naomi thought Freddie should have known better. Effy couldn't be broken. That's what love did, it broke you. It broke her mum and Naomi vowed to never let it break her. But she still took comfort in the fact that at least one person she knew was more screwed up than she was.

"You're not like me," Effy said with a smirk.

Naomi would have been freaked out by Effy's mind reading powers if she wasn't used to it.

"Me and Freddie...it's not the same...not yet anyway." She paused to blow a perfect smoke ring. "Not like you and Emily."

Naomi detected the slightest tinge of sadness in Effy's voice. Maybe she wasn't as unflappable as Naomi thought.

"It's too late," Naomi replied, having already resigned herself to the fact.

"Not yet," Effy said softly, "But it might be soon."

* * *

Emily hoped that she would see Naomi at lunch. She just wanted to see her...that was all. She hadn't caught sight of the blonde since the assembly that morning and it didn't feel right. Nothing felt right at the moment. Helping Anna through the morning had distracted her most of the time when a teacher wasn't but Naomi always invaded her thoughts in one way or another.

"Who's this?" Katie asked as she approached the girls at their lockers, nodding towards Anna.

Emily rolled her eyes at Katie's abrasiveness. "This is Anna. We met at that party Friday night. She just moved to Bristol." She turned to Anna. "Anna this is my twin obviously, Katie."

Anna smiled brightly. "Hi."

Katie scrutinised this new friend of Emily's and then glanced back at her twin. Then back to this new blonde girl. "Right. Hi."

Emily felt the need to speak and direct the conversation before Katie could. "So where's Effy? We're going to lunch yeah?"

Her sister sighed in frustration. "Effy's off somewhere with Naomi being all emo."

Emily deflated slightly. No Naomi at lunch.

"Who's Naomi?" Anna asked as she closed her locker.

Katie scoffed and opened her mouth to speak but Emily cut her off.

"She's another friend of ours," Emily said dismissively. "Let's go, I'm starving."

* * *

Naomi stood at the sink in the bathroom and splashed some water on her face, reminding herself that it wouldn't be this bad forever. Soon she'd be able to think of Emily and not want to cry, be able to breathe when she saw the redhead. Soon those feelings in the pit of her stomach would fade. She closed her eyes and questioned for the hundredth time that morning whether that was what she actually wanted.

She'd spent the better part of lunch under the tree with Effy, most of it in silence, a few stilted sentences passing between them. She knew that Effy was thinking about Freddie the same as Effy knew that Naomi was thinking about Emily.

She wiped the water from her face with a paper towel and avoided looking at her reflection. She wondered what Emily and this Anna girl were doing at lunch. She thought about that day last year a few weeks after Gobbler's End when Emily had texted asking Naomi to meet her in this very bathroom. As soon as Naomi had entered Emily had locked the door and then practically jumped on her, pushing her up against the wall, crushing their lips together and sliding her hands under her shirt, sending electric shivers all over Naomi's body. But Naomi had pushed back just as fiercely, turning them around and pinning the redhead against the wall. With one hand tangled in the silky red hair she used the other to unbutton the top of Emily's shirt, kissing her pale skin as she slid that same hand up Emily's skirt along the inside of her thigh teasingly before finally...

Her eyes opened at the sound of the door swinging, the noise of the corridor streaming through, and when she looked up to see who had entered her heart fucking stopped.

* * *

Emily was sneaky. Her skills were cultivated throughout her life as the unassuming, shy twin. The one no one expected such devious behaviour from. She was curious and good at blending into the background, excellent for spying and overhearing whispered conversations. So naturally when she looked out a window and spotted the blue eyed blonde walking through the corridor she followed, making excuses to Anna and Katie about needing the bathroom. She stealthily made her way down the corridor unseen by Naomi and watched her enter the bathroom. Turned out she hadn't lied to Katie and Anna. She wanted to go in after Naomi, especially when she thought about the last time they were in those toilets together. It was that thought that pushed her to walk through the door.

"Hey," she said breathily as soon as she caught Naomi's eye.

Naomi looked tired and pale and slightly scared. Emily fought the urge to reach out and reassure her with her touch.

"Hi," Naomi replied with a smile Emily knew was forced.

They stared at each other for a moment. Emily hadn't actually thought about what she would do once she entered the room. She hadn't thought beyond seeing Naomi. Beyond having Naomi see her.

"Only a few hours in and I'm already wanting to kill myself," she joked lamely.

Naomi smiled and nodded, shifting on the spot awkwardly and crossing her arms over her chest.

Emily could never have imagined it would be this uncomfortable between the two of them. They had always worked, always been connected. Whether they were joking and laughing or making love or fighting they were always connected. She still felt it, it was just buried beneath the mountain of drama and crap they'd managed to heap onto it.

"Just need to wash my hands." Emily held them up and twitched her fingers theatrically, walking toward one of the sinks.

She lowered her head but before she could turn on the tap she heard Naomi moving and then felt Naomi standing behind her, close enough that Emily could feel the hum of her body but far enough away that no part of their skin was touching. Emily lifted her head and stared into the mirror, locking eyes with Naomi through their reflection.

* * *

Naomi wasn't in control of her body, her feet shuffling her around to stand behind Emily. She could smell her berry shampoo, something she had gotten so used to waking up to in the morning, something she had missed these past few days.

She felt Emily's breath hitch in her chest before the redhead dragged her eyes up to meet Naomi's in the mirror. She watched an avalanche of emotion fall across Emily's face. Her own heart beating uncontrollably.

"I miss you."

Naomi knew they weren't the three words Emily wanted to hear. She knew it was wrong to say them now. So fucking wrong and so fucking unfair but her body wasn't hers at the moment. Her mind flashed to the time Emily had said those same words to her a few months ago when she'd announced she was leaving for the summer. The way they had pierced her heart like an arrow. The optimism they had filled her with, encouraging her to stay for the summer and lose herself in Emily.

She knew those same words wouldn't have the same effect now.

She heard Emily inhale a shaky breath. "Naoms-"

The door burst open.

"Hey Em..." Anna began as she stepped into the room, stopping abruptly once she caught sight of the pair at the sink.

Naomi and Emily flew apart like opposing magnets. Neither dared to look at the other, Naomi studying the scene in the mirror.

She saw Emily take a composing breath and then lift her head to Anna. "Yeah," her voice was hoarser than usual, "let's go."

Naomi closed her eyes, refusing to watch Emily walk away from her for the second time in four days.

* * *

**_FUCKING ANNA!_ lol :P**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Naww your reviews made me squee! I'm fast turning into a review whore...so keep them coming. I liked the collective 'fucking anna!' we all seemed to share at the end of that last one.**

**I don't own skins yeah blah blah...but three days in and this is already taking over my life - my boyfriend is going to be pissed if I keep ignoring him like this...especially to write about two girls...lol...they is just too adorable :)**

**So I think this will be the last kind of 'real time' chapter and then time will jump along a little faster...give Naomi some time to get her shit together...because girl is slow sometimes :P...Oh and sidenote: Gina and Kieran never got down in this version...nothing against Kieran, it's just not gonna work for my story...enjoy...**

* * *

Emily couldn't breathe normally for five minutes after she'd left Naomi in the bathroom, her heart not returning to its normal rhythm for another ten. She had followed Anna out of the bathroom in a daze, both girls silent as they walked back to Katie, Emily thankful that Anna was wise enough not to press her about what she'd seen. She didn't know how to answer those questions anyway. _What the hell had happened? What the hell would have happened if Anna hadn't of interrupted? Did Naomi want her back? _This is what she had decided to avoid when she'd broken it off with the blonde. This uncertainty and doubt. She was tired of analysing every word and touch and smile. She knew the questions would drive her mad if she let them.

When she looked up she realised they were back at their table, Katie's face hidden behind her compact mirror.

"Jesus Em, what did you fall in? I had to send a search..."

Katie trailed off as she flipped her compact shut and inspected the shaken appearance of her twin.

"...what the _fuck _Emily? What happened to you?"

It took a second for Emily to realise she was being spoken to.

"Nothing," she said pointedly, glancing quickly at Anna as they took their seats. "I'm just feeling weird."

Katie's eyes narrowed. "Yeah that's been your excuse for the last few days. Did Naomi do something? Because if that peroxide bitch-"

"Leave it Katie," Emily said warily, knowing that Anna was smart enough to put the scene she had interrupted in the bathroom and Katie's comments together.

Katie thought on it for a second before huffing with annoyance. "Whatever," she said turning her attention to Anna. "So tell me about your fit cousin..."

Emily sat back in her chair and stared off into space, thankful for the first time for her twin's ability to talk endlessly about boys.

* * *

Naomi had to get out of there. Emily had taken everything with her when she'd gone. All the oxygen, all the light, and now the walls were closing in on her. She had to get out of there. She couldn't breathe.

She pulled the door open and stepped into the corridor, glancing each way for any signs of the redhead. Once she found it Fitch free she made her way to her locker and grabbed her bag, throwing it over her shoulder and making her way through the back exit. As soon as she was clear of the building she fished around in her bag for a cigarette, inhaling deeply as she lit up, enjoying the slightly painful feeling as the smoke travelled through to her lungs. It was slight relief from the pain the knot in her stomach was causing.

She didn't know what had come over her in the bathroom. One minute she was looking at Emily remembering how nice she smelt and how smooth her skin was and the next she was standing behind her, longing to touch her yet knowing she shouldn't. And then she'd said those words, those _fucking words _that had left her mouth before she even realised her lips were moving. And then Emily was speaking and Naomi's heart had stopped. And then fucking Anna had interrupted and Emily had gone with _her_, leaving Naomi on edge, desperate to know what Emily had been about to say. She wondered if she would ever find out.

She hitched her bag up higher on her shoulder and shrugged off the cold wind. Fucking Bristol with its stupid fucking weather. She hated this fucking place. Ever since she was a young teenager she'd dreamt of leaving. She couldn't wait for the day she'd leave for university and say a big _'fuck you' _to this city. And she'd always known exactly which university that would be...that was until Emily came along. Emily had pushed her to talk about it a couple of times over the summer which had of course ended in an argument. The fact that Emily was thinking about their future had scared the fuck out of her. But what scared Naomi even more were those quiet times she'd be lying next to the redhead, watching her chest rise and fall in sleep and her nose twitch. Those times when her own thoughts would wander, and she'd imagine the two of them at university, sharing a flat, sleeping in and missing lectures, spending lazy days in bed making love and ordering take-out. And Naomi let herself enjoy these daydreams until they played out a little further in her head. Because she knew that _nothing _ever worked out. Because Emily would eventually wise up and realise that Naomi was a dud, and Naomi would be left devastated. Or worse, Naomi would cock it up somehow and leave Emily devastated. Either way she knew she wouldn't be able to bear it.

Fucking Bristol.

* * *

Emily had spent her afternoon in a daze. She'd sat through her classes, mumbled some responses to Katie and Anna and Panda, and even taken some notes, but couldn't remember any of it clearly. Nothing except those few minutes with Naomi in the bathroom at lunch. When Naomi had gotten dangerously close. It was _all_ she could think about, replaying the scene over and over in her head. And she hated herself for it. She hated how weak it made her feel. When was she going to get it through her head – Naomi didn't want her. Not the way she needed to be wanted.

She angrily threw her books into her locker. Four days. She couldn't stick to her resolve for _four fucking days_. She had promised herself that this would be a new year, she wouldn't let her heart rule her head anymore, and she wouldn't let Naomi rule her heart. And she was already slipping back.

"Hey," Anna said brightly as she approached her locker, "how you feeling?"

"I'm fine." Emily smiled, forcing it a little.

Anna placed her books in her locker and grab her bag, lifting it over her shoulder. Emily could feel her staring as she busied herself with some books.

"So..." Anna began tentatively, "...I take it Naomi isn't _just _a friend?"

Emily stiffened and reminded herself to breathe. She also reminded herself about the promise she had made not to hide anymore. If Anna was going to be her friend then she didn't want to start off by lying.

"No...I mean yeah...but not anymore."

She dropped her eyes to the floor, suddenly feeling unsure of herself.

"Cool."

Emily's eyes shot up and she returned Anna's smile. She told herself that it wasn't relief and hope she was seeing on Anna's face.

* * *

Naomi stormed in through her front door and dropped her bag to the floor. She needed coffee. She needed a lot of things, but coffee would do for now.

"Naomi love?..."

She heard her mum calling from the kitchen and winced.

"...What are you doing home so early?"

She let her head fall back and groaned in frustration. She hadn't thought this whole skipping class thing through properly.

"Naomi?"

She sighed and made her way into the kitchen. Her mum was sitting at the table painting signs for a protest, cardboard and paint tubes all over the room. She looked at Naomi expectantly.

"I wasn't...feeling well," she mumbled, coughing for dramatic effect.

Her mum sighed, lowering the paintbrush she'd been holding. Naomi didn't like the sympathetic smile on her face. It meant there would be _talking_.

"Sit down, I'll make us a tea."

Naomi wanted to tell her to make it a coffee but didn't want to push it. She did as she was told, slinking into a seat, and watched her mum busy herself with mugs and teaspoons, finally walking back over and placing a cup in front of her before taking her seat again.

"So you're not feeling well hey?"

"Yeah," she replied softly.

That was a fucking understatement. At the moment she wasn't sure she was even alive.

Her mum sighed. "Did I ever tell you about the boy I dated in high school?"

"Huh?"

Naomi didn't want to hear a story about her mum getting it on with some pimply faced teenage boy.

"His name was William and he was my first love. We were sixteen....he looked like a young George Michael..."

Naomi scrunched her face in disgust while her mum stared into the distance dreamily.

"...but things didn't work out...and when we broke up I thought I was going to fucking die..."

Naomi shifted uncomfortably. She didn't like where this conversation was heading.

"...I cried for days and refused to eat. I thought I'd never be happy again. But then, a few nights later, your grandmother made her famous tofu roast...and I went back for seconds. And a few days after that your uncle Bobby wacked himself in the head accidentally with a wrench and I laughed for fucking hours, almost gave himself a concussion her did..."

Naomi picked at a splintered piece of the wooden table. It was obvious what her mum was trying to tell her. She'd get over it. Her life would go on. But Naomi wasn't sure she wanted it to go on without the redhead.

Her mum reached across the table and placed a hand over Naomi's, giving it a comforting squeeze.

"It's going to hurt like a bitch Naomi. But it will get better."

That was what she was worried about.

* * *

**Your reviews are my new crack...er...I mean...um...chocolate...they are my new chocolate...drugs are bad...so anyways please keep the reviews coming...and the chocolate...why not :P**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I feel like a fat kid getting ice cream when I see them so yayyy! And thank you to those who offered chocolate and/or crack – I'll be checking my mailbox daily...and Boo – yes, the boyfriend will keep, he just doesn't understand the awesomeness that is Naomily – he only likes it when they kiss...gah...he's such a boy! **

**Homework for this chapter is to download the song **_**'The Weight of Us' by Sanders Bohlke**_**...not only is it an **_**awesome fucking song**_** but I also feel like it's helping me to get into Naomi's head at the moment...so listen OR ELSE...okay we both know that's an empty threat, lol...but seriously - it's an awesome song :P**

**So, does anybody else feel a little empty now that LuvActually's **_**Coin Laundry**_** is finished...because that shit was EPIC...and I'm sad it's over...sigh...anyhoodle this one ended up longer than I thought... hope you like...**

* * *

"So come on Ems, what's with you and Anna?"

They were getting ready for college in their room, Katie in front of the mirror as ever, Emily sitting on her bed reorganising her bag.

She rolled her eyes. Katie had been pressing her about this all week since she'd first met Anna. Emily was getting tired of shrugging her off.

"I told you Katie, like a million fucking times already, there's nothing _going on_. We're _friends_."

She stretched out the last word for emphasis.

"Uh huh." Katie smirked, obviously not believing a word she was saying, annoying Emily further. "Does Anna know that? Because I'm pretty sure the girl is one step away from doodling your name all over her notebook."

"Fuck off." Emily threw a pillow at Katie's head.

She didn't know about that, but they had been virtually inseparable this week, though mostly by circumstance rather than design. They shared all the same classes and Anna was still finding her way around things, Emily unofficially taking up the role of tour guide, mostly by default. Not that she minded all that much. It was a good distraction from her broken heart. Anna was fun and lively and extroverted and just one of those effortlessly cool people who were a joy to be around. The group had taken kindly to her. Katie was suspicious of Anna's motives, despite Emily's denials, but seemingly approved, telling Emily that she would be trading up from Naomi. Cook had leered at her of course, making suggestive comments that Anna casually deflected with wit and sarcasm, stirring the same feelings in Emily as when he had flirted with the other blonde. She tried not to read too much into that. It was because Cook and his womanising ways pissed her off, _no other reason_. Freddie had been polite, interested in Anna's cousin who moonlighted as a pot dealer. JJ had gotten locked on, rambling about the stunning green of Anna's eyes and how rare it was to find that colour... Thomas was courteous and welcoming, Panda simply delighted to have a new friend. Effy just stared and nodded. Emily hadn't expected anything less. But she was yet to meet Naomi, who had avoided the common room every lunch. In fact Emily hadn't really seen her all week. She knew she'd been at school, she'd caught glimpses of her blonde hair every now and then, but they didn't share any classes. She was sure Naomi was avoiding her. Which she guessed answered any lingering questions she had from their bathroom interlude earlier in the week. If Naomi wanted to say something to her, to do something, then she could have. She could have done it any moment of any day that week. But it was the opposite. She was avoiding her, running away from her _again_.

She sighed and wondered if it would be so bad if Anna did like her. It was nice to feel wanted.

* * *

Naomi felt something rubbing against her cheek. She cracked her eyes open, instantly regretting the action as the light of the morning stung her sleepy eyes. It took a moment for everything to pull into focus, and for her to remember where she was. She knew she wasn't in her bed, she knew she wasn't alone. She noticed something blurry in her peripheral vision.

Effy.

Effy's foot to be exact. She pushed it away and rolled onto her back, taking a deep breath. They'd top and tailed it last night in Effy's bed, Naomi too drunk and lazy to make her way home.

She rubbed at her eyes and lifted her head a little to look at the other end of the bed. The brunette was still fast asleep. It struck Naomi how different Effy looked when she was sleeping. She looked peaceful and unguarded, almost as if the demons that plagued her waking hours were also asleep.

Naomi reminded herself to find a way to thank her friend. She knew Effy would be uncomfortable with any direct talk of feelings, as would she quite frankly, so she figured she'd buy her some pills to show her gratitude. Because Naomi _really _owed Effy for this week. This last week when the prospect of running into Emily at school had been almost unbearable and set her constantly on edge, when the sight of her with that _other blonde girl_ had made Naomi feel faint. Effy had hid under the tree with her every lunch time. They didn't speak much, both of them struggling inside their own hearts and minds. Effy was the one who texted Naomi on Tuesday night asking her to meet her at the pub, just when Naomi had been contemplating taking a scouring brush to her brain to try and remove the constant flashes of red. She appreciated Effy using her super powers to help her, like when Naomi had been walking out of a shop yesterday and had seen Emily and Anna walking into a cafe. How she'd been so shaken at the thought of them out on a _fucking date_ that she almost couldn't breathe. That she'd gone home and wrapped herself in her blanket and cried. And then Effy had texted, demanding she go over to her house. And later that night, as they sat on the floor of Effy's room, passing the vodka bottle between them Effy had known exactly what to say.

"They're not dating Naomi...not yet anyway."

Naomi wasn't sure if she believed her, but it was nice to hear anyway.

In the light of the morning though the truth was harder to deny. She didn't like to think of it as stalking, but she'd been _observing_ and sometimes following the redhead all week, _but not in a creepy way_. A few times she'd been so close to Emily and had just wanted to say hi, just wanted to look into her eyes, but that fucking Anna girl never left her side. She wondered if it was that easy for Emily to get over her. Or maybe this Anna was so fucking awesome that Emily had forgotten her altogether. It would be easy for Naomi to think that. A reason for her to give up hoping, consigning herself to the fact that there was nothing she could do. But Naomi knew Emily. She knew every expression the girl had. She knew that she bit her lip when she was nervous or..._excited_. She knew she scrunched up her nose a little when she was concentrating on something she thought was important. She knew the difference between Emily's smiles and she knew that Emily's smile this past week wasn't meeting her eyes, slipping into a slight frown when she thought no one was watching.

So Naomi told herself that there was still a chance. That she could fix this. If she could just get her away from that fucking girl.

* * *

Emily and Katie walked to school and met Anna at the gate, as was becoming their habit. Katie rushed on in ahead to catch up with Panda and Cook, leaving her and Anna alone, smirking teasingly at Emily as she passed.

She shook her head at Katie's persistence. Her twin seemed to be becoming more and more comfortable with Emily's sexual orientation as the days passed. It probably helped that the knowledge was still mostly confined to their group of friends. But Emily had started to wonder if Katie's suggestive comments weren't teasing but rather _encouragement_.

"So," Anna began gently, tucking her bangs behind her ear. "My cousin's band is playing at some bar tonight. Wanna check it out?"

The muscles in Emily's body stiffened before she could talk herself down. _Anna was not asking her out on a date_. _Anna was asking her out as a friend._ Friend_._

"The band is not awesome but the pub is apparently, especially on Friday nights. And the band gets free drink cards...which we will steal."

She looked to Anna to gauge her expression. She was smiling that ridiculously pretty smile, but she smiled at everyone like that didn't she?

"Um..." Emily mumbled.

"Come on, we'll ask everyone to come. Katie, Effy, Panda, the boys. Just don't tell them about the free drinks."

_See? _Emily scolded herself,_ Just friends you idiot. _

"Sure," she said finally, trying not to think about the one name that had been left off that list. "Why not?"

* * *

Naomi had made it through another day successfully avoiding Emily and her shadow. She still wasn't sure if that was something to celebrate. She'd spent lunch alone, Effy messaging her halfway through telling her she'd gotten _caught up_ with Freddie – Naomi reminded herself to get the full story from Effy later.

She fought her way through the gauntlet that was the college corridors and made her way out the doors. As soon as she did she was hit with a blast of chilly Bristol wind. She pulled herself out of the heard and to the side of the steps, finding some space to pull her cardigan out of her bag. Not enough space it seemed, as someone came barrelling into her ass, pushing her forward.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry," she heard a girl say behind her as she felt arms reaching to help steady her. "Some fuckhead pushed me and I fell into you."

Naomi wanted to be angry but the girl sounded sincere. She took a second to compose herself, straightening her clothes.

"Don't worry..."

Her words trailed off as she lifted her gaze and recognised the girl in front of her, who seemed to be recognising her at the same time.

"...about it."

They stood smiling awkwardly for a minute before it all got ten thousand times worse as Naomi heard a familiar voice from over her shoulder, the knot in her stomach now unbearably tight.

* * *

Emily was waiting outside the front doors of the college for Anna. They'd actually gotten out of their last class early and were halfway out of the grounds before Anna remembered she'd left a book she needed in her locker. Emily told her she'd wait while she ran in and got it. So she leant against a railing and pulled out her phone to pass the time. Nothing. The only text she'd gotten that day was from Katie, telling her that everyone was on for the pub tonight. She flipped her phone closed with a little more force than was necessary, taking out her frustration on the tiny electronic device. She hadn't gotten a text from Naomi in seven fucking days. She hadn't been expecting one, but every time her phone buzzed with a new message she couldn't help hoping it was from the blonde. But it never was.

She glanced up and searched through the crowd for signs of her blonde friend, her mind slipping back to the time she had done the same thing last year, looking for a different blonde. She laughed to herself then, when _that _blonde was the one she saw. It was the first time she'd really seen her since Monday and she cursed the butterflies that fluttered in her stomach, she thought she'd killed them when she broke things off.

Oblivious to her audience, Naomi's face scrunched, in response to the cold Emily suspected, before she watched her walk into free space and pull her red cardigan out of her bag. Emily had always loved that cardigan, stealing it from Naomi's closet and wearing it during cooler summer days. It was too big for her and the sleeves dwarfed her hands but it was soft and smelt like Naomi, and she always thought it felt a little like having Naomi hug her all day long.

As she shook the memory from her head she caught sight of the girl she _had_ been looking for. That's when time seemed to slow down, and Emily watched it all as if it were happening in slow motion. She watched Anna get bumped by some stupid boy rushing past. She saw Naomi reaching into her bag. She saw Anna fall into Naomi's back, saw them stumble a little before Anna reached out to try and steady them both.

Without thinking she set off towards them, knowing that each knew who the other was from the bathroom earlier in the week. Moving against the tide of students she pushed through and reached them just as Naomi lifted her head to face Anna, just as the realisation of who the other girl was hit them both.

"You guys alright?"

Emily said the first words that popped into her head, trying to act casual and keep her voice light. Her heart beat wildly as she felt the adrenaline surge through her body, all the way to the tips of her fingers. She glanced nervously from Anna to Naomi, unable to break her gaze from those blue eyes once they'd locked. Naomi was glaring back with so much emotion the force of it almost knocked Emily backwards.

"Yeah," Anna replied warily a moment later, glancing between her and Naomi.

It was enough to drag Emily back into the present. She dropped her eyes and smiled at Anna. She could feel Naomi continue to stare.

"So I don't think you guys have met yet," She said fighting to keep her voice even, ignoring the pain in her gut, and the voice in her head telling her to push Naomi against a wall and kiss her. "Naomi this is Anna. She's new this year. Anna this is Naomi."

Something inside Emily wanted to finish that sentence off with, _my girlfriend_. But that wasn't true anymore, she reminded herself that it had _never_ been true.

She was relieved when Anna played it perfectly, recognising Naomi's name vaguely, pretending she hadn't been given the cliffs notes version of their fucked up relationship just yesterday.

Once Emily had admitted to Anna that there was more to her and Naomi's relationship than just friends, she'd felt more comfortable telling her more of the story. She dscovered that she liked talking about it, found it helpful in ordering her thoughts and defining her emotions. Her brother James had been pestering her yesterday and she wanted to get out of the house so she asked Anna to meet her for coffee. She'd given her a brief outline of what had happened the past year, making sure not to be too harsh in her recounting of some of Naomi's behaviour, a silly part of her wanting Anna to see Naomi as the great person she did.

Anna was sympathetic, but not in a way that made it clear to Emily that she knew what being in a relationship with a girl was like. No personal stories of lesbian love gone awry. So when Anna placed her hand on her arm Emily dismissed it as a comforting gesture. And when Anna hugged her goodbye she reminded herself that it was what friends do, and told the butterflies in her stomach to shut the fuck up.

Kind of like how she wanted to now.

* * *

Naomi couldn't tear her eyes away from Emily's, and it seemed Emily was struggling with the same problem. It was Anna's voice that broke the tense gaze. _Didn't Anna fucking realise she was interrupting our staring contest_, Naomi argued in her head. She wanted to think that Anna had intentionally bumped into her, that she was _that_ fucking crazy, but she knew it wasn't true. The blonde seemed genuinely apologetic and kind, another thing Naomi resented. _Who does this bitch think she is, being all nice and shit?_

Emily made awkward introductions and made sure she was okay. She wasn't okay. Every nerve in her body was on fire. Emily was _so close_. Naomi's body urged her to reach out and touch the redhead. But she didn't. She didn't have that right anymore.

"Well we should get going," Emily said finally, after several more uncomfortable glances passed between the three of them.

"Yeah," Naomi mumbled, her chest tightening at the thought of the redhead leaving her sight.

"It was nice to meet you," Anna said with _that_ smile, that smile that could melt Antarctica. That smile that made Naomi want to hit her.

But she simply nodded in reply, unable to trust herself not to say something sarcastic in reply.

Emily smiled. "I'll see you around."

She detected a hint of hope in the redhead's voice, before they both turned and walked away.

Naomi should have wanted to cry. She had been forced to interact with the blonde interloper, the very person who had dive bombed into her life and literally bumped into her ass. She had been forced to look Emily in the eye and deny the strong urge to touch or kiss her. And forced to stand there listening while they all spoke awkwardly. And now Emily was walking away from her _again_. Walking away with Anna. And Naomi should have felt like snapping something in half. But she knew those facial expressions. She saw the sadness in Emily's eyes, but the..._relief_...yes, it had been relief in the redhead's smile as she looked at Naomi, and she knew that Emily was glad to see her.

There was _definitely_ still a chance for her to fix this.

* * *

***uses announcer voice* **

_**Next Time on 'Static Waves'**_** - **

**PUB FUN! Woot wooot! Who doesn't like them some pub fun...especially with free drinks...which usually leads to shenanigans...things could get messy is all I'm saying! :P**

**Don't forget to review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ahem...**

***apologises in advance for long author note and offers conciliatory chocolate*...i suffer from _i-don't-ever-want-to-shut-my-mouthism_...**

**A/N: Massive sloppy kisses and butt pinches for all your reviews and alerts and favourite adds! Especially _Boo_- I'm kind of glad you're not hating on Anna...it's not her fault she's in the middle of the greatest love of all, lol. I'm hoping that people are hating on her as an _obstacle _rather than for her _character_...it just makes it more interesting. And thanks to **_**nikinak13 **_**who complemented me on my gay girl insight, I guess growing up with a gay sister helps, but in the end I think that love is love, and while I've never ****gotten down**** with another girl, I still know what it feels like to fall in love and have my heart broken and everything in between, and I think that's why we all liked the Naomily love story so much, gay and straight people alike, because it wasn't about them being gay, it was about them being in love. That's why I'm not making the 'gay thing' a big issue in my story, because I never felt that was a big part of it anyway...and I hope none of that rant came off as offensive...**

***waves rainbow flag before stepping down from soapbox* **

**The song for this chapter is **_**'Poison and Wine'**_** by The Civil Wars...seriously one of the best frakking songs ever recorded...and I feel like it speaks for both Naomi and Emily...so go forth and download!**

**Ditched my best friend to update this...NERD ALERT lol...oh and Ladyhawk1709 made the point that Naomi needs more snark – you're right...i'm working on it...oh and in my story only Effy, JJ and Katie know about Emily and Naomi gettin' busy...okay i'll stop talking now...enjoy... :)**

* * *

Emily felt an ache in her stomach as she stood before her wardrobe, wrapped in a towel, her damp hair dripping on her shoulders. It took her a minute to figure out what the feeling was - anxiety. For whatever reason, she felt like she was going on a date with Anna tonight. She told herself that the thought was ridiculous, the whole group was going and it was no big deal, but still the feeling lingered. So as she surveyed her clothes she questioned if she _wanted_ it to be a date, even though of course it wasn't. Anna was hot - there was no denying that, even Katie hadn't been able to deny it, obviously annoyed by it. And she was smart, this Emily had observed during their classes and found very helpful, especially in maths where she was such a spaz. Anna was also funny, not in the sarcastic way that Naomi was, but she always managed to make Emily laugh out loud, unafraid of embarrassing herself and looking like a right twat. But most importantly Anna was _open_. Emily didn't feel like she was fighting this constant battle to get to know her. Being around Anna was easy...and maybe it did help that she was hot.

All this talk of dating made Emily realise she had never been on a proper date before. She'd never really been interested in anyone other than Naomi, and she couldn't even loosely call what they had done 'dating'. It seemed they missed that step. They'd gone from never speaking to nervous drug induced kisses to desperate love-making to whatever the hell they had ended up as. They kissed and touched and made love and slept with their limbs intertwined but they never went on a date. Sure they went out together, but not as a couple, not on a date, because she knew it made Naomi uncomfortable to think of it that way, so _official_. But sometimes Emily almost made herself believe it was a date. She'd get dressed up and they'd see a movie and then they'd be walking out of the theatre and she would reach for Naomi's hand like it was the most natural thing in the world but the blonde would pull away, trying to smile it off like it meant nothing. But it always meant something to Emily, every time her hand was swatted away it meant fucking everything. She realised how cheated she felt. How she deserved to be taken out on dates and for someone to hold her hand. _That was why you broke up with Naomi_, she told herself, _you deserve better._

She shook the painful thoughts from her head and continued to thumb through her clothes. If it _was_ a date, she'd wear something that showed a little skin, not Katie's version of a little skin, but something tasteful. A dress, or shorts with a singlet top that pushed her boobs out. _Hypothetically_. But of course tonight wasn't a date, so she chose a safer option of an old plaid skirt and cute top...that pushed her boobs out just a little.

* * *

Naomi eyed herself in the mirror with shameless admiration, taking in her skinny jeans, tightly fitted top that revealed _just_ enough cleavage, her braided hair and smoky eye make-up. _I look fucking hot_. _Emily won't be able to keep her knickers on, and hopefully neither will I._ She wasn't exactly sure what she was going to do tonight, what she was going to say, all she knew was that she was going to get Emily away from Anna and make her see sense, make her see that it was Emily and _Naomi_, not Emily and anybody else.

Earlier that day, just as she had been watching Emily and Anna walking away after college, and as she had been formulating some sort of plan, her phone had beeped with a text from Effy, letting her know about the group going to the pub and informing her that she _'better fucking be there'_. _Perfect_, she'd thought. This was her chance to make things better with the redhead, as soon as she could get her away from Anna that was. Annoying assface Anna with her easy smile and flirtatious eyes that let Naomi know that she was so obviously into Emily. But Anna could bat those green eyes and lick her lips as much as she wanted, because Naomi knew now that the ache in her stomach only dissipated when Emily was around. That she only slept through the night when the redhead's skin was touching hers. This time she wasn't planning on letting her go that easy.

* * *

Emily lifted one hand in the air, bouncing it along to the drummer's beat, the other holding a beer. She felt fucking _amazing_. Cook had offered around some pills as soon as they had arrived, and she thought it would help take the edge off her nerves. Add to that the shots she'd downed, four... five, she couldn't remember...and she was finally starting to feel the effects. Everything was becoming smooth. The harsh sound of the guitar through the amps mellowed, the lights softened and things were fuzzy around the edges. Everything was...lovely.

Panda and the twins had met up with Anna in front of the pub, JJ arriving a little later with Cook, who was already fucked up, with Effy and Freddie following not long after. Emily had observed them walking in together and wondered if something was going on with those two again. _Freddie's a fucking glutton for punishment_, she couldn't help thinking, trying to avoid drawing parallels to her own tormented relationship. She'd glanced around the group and thought of the only person missing. She'd assumed the invitation would make its way to Naomi via Effy, but she wasn't sure if the blonde would be making an appearance. She doubted it, not after this last week.

She felt something brush her arm and looked to her side, smiling as she locked eyes with Anna. Anna had swallowed whatever Cook offered as well. Emily tried to ignore how hot Anna looked, with her blonde hair falling around her bare shoulders, a _very_ tight singlet top and almost too-short skirt. She tried not to look at how much of Anna's legs were on display. The two of them bounced along to the band, who weren't actually that bad, grinning and giggling like idiots. Occasionally they bumped into or brushed up against each other and Emily could feel her skin burning from the contact. _It was the drugs_, her hazy mind reasoned. She searched for a distraction.

"I think that guy over there likes you," she leaned in and yelled in Anna's ear, nodding her head in the direction of the bar and the good-looking guy who had been eyeing Anna practically since she'd walked in.

Anna threw her head back and laughed like it was a ridiculous thought, then leaned in dangerously close to Emily's ear. "Not really interested Em. Plus, I'm having fun with you anyway."

Emily wasn't sure if she'd heard right, the music was too loud, but she smiled nervously as her heart sped and her stomach did that annoying flipping thing it had taken to doing. But she was left in no doubt when she felt a hand slipping into hers. A shiver ran through her body as she trailed her gaze up the arm to its owner, who simply smiled at her as they continued to lose themselves in the music.

_It's just the drugs, it's just the drugs, it's just the drugs._

* * *

Naomi got to the pub much later than she had planned. She'd been halfway out her front door when her mum had called for her. She needed Naomi to hold the papier-mâché figure she had made so that she could paint him easily. He was supposed to represent the CEO of some environment pillaging company that they were going to burn in effigy at a protest. She had grumbled at her mother the whole time and gotten out of there as quickly as she could, hearing her mother shout, "I hope things go well with Emily," as she closed the door. _How does she always fucking know?_

She made her way into town and into the pub, her nervousness growing the closer she got. But she told her legs to keep moving, she knew if she stopped to think about it too much she'd fuck it up. As she pushed through the crowd trying to find her friends she felt someone touch her ass. She swivelled around quickly and eyed the drunk guy with the offending hand.

"Hey there blondie," he slurred, licking his lips and looking her up and down, "Let me buy you a drink."

Naomi just laughed in his face because...really? She had more important things to handle. She turned to leave but felt him grab her arm.

"Oh don't be like that," he added. "We can have some fun."

She shrugged her arm out of his grasp and smiled coldly, leaning in closer to his expectant face. "Touch me again...and I'll have fun snapping off your cock."

The guy frowned, seemingly confused by her actions and words, then shrugged looking a little deflated. A second late she saw his face light up again as he looked over her shoulder.

"Hey hey check it out," he said to nobody in particular. "Two fit birds getting cosy on the dance floor."

Naomi knew before she turned around. She _felt_ her. So when she twisted around and caught sight of Emily, _her Emily_, standing far too close to Anna her stomach was already twisted in knots. Her heart already thumping wildly. Emily was leaning forward, her lips too close to Anna's ear. Naomi clenched her fists. Then it was Anna's turn to lean forward, but the bitch didn't stop there, grinning at Emily and grabbing for her hand. _It looked innocent enough,_ part of her reasoned, she'd certainly seen straight girls dancing a lot closer to each other before, but she _knew_ Anna was after Emily. And Emily looked so happy, that was the worst of it.

Naomi regressed to her four year old self, wanting to scream and kick something or someone because her toy had been taken. But it seemed she was frozen on the spot, unable to move or even so much as blink. Unable to take her eyes off the dancing redhead. Emily did look beautiful, her cherry red hair pinned back messily, her clothes hugging her curves teasingly. She thought about how Emily used to dress earlier last year, all prim and proper, trying to look like Katie, trying to look perfect. Naomi thought how funny it was then, that now that Emily had given up trying so hard she actually did look fucking perfect. There was an effortlessness about her now, she was more comfortable in herself, and that was hot, _so fucking hot_.

That familiar heat flared within her and urged her to move. It took over her body and propelled her forward, walking her right up to what she wanted most.

* * *

Emily was lost in the music, only vaguely aware of the hand she was still holding, the drugs still flowing through her body. She'd told herself to ignore what Anna had said. They were both high...nothing they said actually meant anything. So she was surprised when she felt a hand on the small of her back, a shiver radiating up her spine. She was even more surprised when she looked to Anna beside her and realised it wasn't her hand. She dropped the hand she was holding and spun around. Her vision was flooded with blonde and blue. Naomi was there with her hair braided in that way that she liked and smelling like soap and Naomi and was touching her and looking at her like she wanted to take a fucking bite out of her. The way Emily's belly fluttered let her know that she couldn't possibly like Anna _that_ way, because Anna had never made her feel like _this_. Like she was the only thing that mattered in the history of everything.

Naomi bit her lip and smiled. Emily almost blacked out. She could feel the tension between their bodies reach fever pitch as Naomi leaned in to her and whispered, so fucking close that she could feel the blonde's lips brushing against her ear.

"Come with me."

She could only manage a nod in response, suddenly finding her hand enveloped by Naomi's a second later. Heat flushed up her arm and settled deep within her as she was tugged through the pub. They pushed through the doors and into the cool night, several guys whistling and making suggestive comments that her foggy brain couldn't quite comprehend. She was led through a dimly lit alleyway down the side of the club, stopping abruptly when Naomi dropped the hand she had been holding and placed hers on Emily's hips, firmly guiding her backwards and pinning her against the brick wall of the pub with her body. And then Naomi's lips were on hers, sucking on her bottom lip gently before covering them completely and slipping her hot tongue into her mouth. Every nerve in her body caught on fire. Naomi's body pressed up against hers, their hips fitting together like they were made for each other. She lifted one shaky hand and weaved it through the blonde hair while the other slid around to the small of Naomi's back, pulling her as close as possible against her. It would never be close enough. They kissed for what felt like hours but was actually only minutes, Naomi shifting her leg between Emily's, sliding one hand beneath her top and across her ribs, the other under her skirt around the back of her thigh. Emily could barely take a breath before Naomi's hungry lips would find hers again.

Her mind was swimming in the sensations Naomi's lips and tongue and hands were stirring in her. This is what she had craved all week. But another thought was trying to float its way to the top of her drowning brain. This wasn't going to solve any of their problems. This _was_ their problem. They were all fire and heat and everybody knows that a fire can't burn without oxygen. _Talk_...they needed to step back, take a breath and talk.

She brought her hands up to Naomi's shoulders and struggled to push her away. "Naomi, we need to talk."

"Shhh," the blonde breathed before recapturing her lips.

Emily let herself give in and relaxed her tense arms for a minute, before she remembered herself and pushed at Naomi again.

Naomi wasn't having any of it.

"Ems," she breathed as she planted hot kisses up her neck.

But Emily was waking from her Naomi daze, finally cognisant enough to slide herself out from under Naomi, albeit on shaky legs. She walked to the other side of the alley and leant back against the wall trying to catch her breath. Everything wasn't so lovely anymore. The alley was dark and wet and smelt like pee and her skin was cold in the chilly night air.

"Emily what's wrong?"

She took a deep breath before answering, hugging her arms over her chest.

"This."

* * *

Naomi let out a frustrated breath. Her lips were tingling, already missing their pair. She thought it had been perfect. The way she had locked eyes with Emily in the pub, muttered those words in her ear and dragged her away from Anna without a glance back in her direction. Then she had her hands on Emily's silky skin and that knot that had wrapped itself around her stomach all week had disappeared. But now something was wrong.

"What do you mean?"

She started to cross the alley but paused when Emily held up her hand. Emily had composed herself quickly, a determination now clear in her eyes.

"I mean we need to _talk_. We can't just start kissing every time we have a fight. It doesn't fix the reason we were fighting."

Naomi rolled her eyes. She couldn't help it, it was like a reflex, but Emily caught it and pounced.

"Don't fucking roll your eyes Naomi! You avoid me all week, then turn up tonight and drag me down this dirty alley because you don't want to kiss me in public. And now you don't even want to have a conversation."

It wasn't right. Emily had everything twisted around. She'd avoided her all week because it was too hard to look at her and keep breathing and she didn't know which words to say because they all jumbled up when she saw her. And she'd led her from the pub because she couldn't help being a bitch and wanted to show Anna that Emily was hers. That and she thought it would be safer for her to wrap herself around Emily somewhere her twin couldn't see them.

"For fucks sake I didn't want to jump you in front of everyone! It's not –"

"Oi, what's going on here then? Emilio! Naomikins!"

They both recognised the amused voice immediately and turned to its source.

"Not now Cook," Naomi warned, waving him off.

He was standing at the entrance to the alleyway, cigarette hanging out the side of that cocky smirk. JJ was standing nervously beside him, hands in pockets.

But Cook was undeterred, grinning as he ambled toward them. "Well if it isn't the only two birds in town who won't fuck me."

Emily scoffed. "That's because we don't want any of your diseases Cook." She turned to face the boy who had followed Cook into the alley. "Hi JJ."

Even in the dim light Naomi caught the blush that coloured his cheeks.

"Hello Emily. Um, hello Nao –"

"Yeah well blondie here certainly gave it a try." Cook interrupted, chuckling after winking at Naomi.

She felt Emily's body stiffen beneath her fingers, all the heat that had been between them a moment before drained into the night. She turned to face the redhead, her eyes pleading for understanding.

"You hooked up with Cook?" Emily spat out, her eyes narrow and her face contorted with barely contained rage.

This was not how Naomi thought it would go. She was supposed to be kissing Emily right now, dragging her back to her bed and making love to her until they collapsed with exhaustion. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

"No!" She cried out, choking on all the words that were bombarding her brain.

"Yeah no willy-waggling," Cook clarified. "Just a bit of rolly-polly after my election victory." He lifted his arms into the air like a champion, oblivious to the chaos his cofessions were creating.

Naomi wanted to hit him. "Just shut the fuck –"

"The election?" Emily asked, her voice now laced with hurt, pulling Naomi from the inside out. "The _day after_ we slept together?"

This was wrong. Everything was wrong.

"No, I..." she stumbled over her words as she stared into Emily's now watering brown eyes.

"Whoa...you girls fucked? How was the Cookie monster not invited to this private party?"

She tore her gaze from Emily and glared at Cook, her eyes so severe his smile dropped immediately. He knew he'd done something wrong.

JJ stepped forward. "This is good Emily. Now you don't have to feel guilty about what we did."

Naomi's head snapped to JJ. Her eyes flared with anger. Her hands clenched into fists by her side. "What. The. Fuck?" She glanced between the boy and Emily. "What the fuck are you talking about JJ?"

She watched the realisation dawn on JJ's face. Cook knew better than to speak.

"I mean...no I..." JJ stammered.

She looked back to Emily. Her face had drained of colour and it was _her _eyes that were pleading this time.

"Oh bobbins."

* * *

**Oh bobbins indeed! Ah, the course of true love never does run smoothly does it? **

**And I'm not gonna lie, kinda felt a little weird writing girl on girl kissy times...oh well...i learnt everything I know from watching the L word with my sister, lol...sorry if it's shit...**

**Reviews pleeeeaaaase.... they make me feel like I'm worth something as a human being...lol :P**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Arrrgh this chapter was a lot harder to bang out, hence the delay...and it's kinda long...I was going to break it up but fuck it...flashbacks are in italics...how cool are flashbacks in general...imagine yourself falling into the pensieve when you read them...and if you don't get that reference, do yourself a favour and head to your nearest bookstore to buy **_**all seven**_** Harry Potter books, then read them and come back and thank me for changing your life! :P You should also go read the fic **_**'**__**Ink'**_** by niceoneBlondie, if you're not already that is...pure hot awesomeness...seriously go now...**

**Thanks again **_**SO MUCH**_** for your reviews, they give me a funny feeling in my belly – and Boo, yay hot Naomi braids...I love that you already knew that song...I feel like we might be fan fiction soul mates, lol – too soon? :P**

**enjoy...kinda...**

* * *

Emily wouldn't let herself cry anymore. She'd done enough of that in her room after her fight with Naomi.

Friday night had been crushing, she felt like she had been _literally_ crushed, all the air and hope and light pushed out of her tiny body. She thought that finding out about Naomi and Cook had been bad enough, but after JJ had let their secret slip everything really turned to shit.

_Naomi glared at JJ and looked like she was going to hit him. Thankfully JJ knew better than to open his mouth again. _

"_Emily tell me what the fuck he's talking about. Because it sounds like you fucked him."_

_She turned to the blonde, her voice thick with regret, tears welled in her eyes, "Naomi...I wanted to tell you."_

_Naomi's cold expression didn't falter. "Yeah? But you didn't. Did you, hun."_

The last word had felt like a stab to Emily's heart, delivered with such venom. The look in Naomi's eye cut right to her core and sucked all the air out of her like a black hole. They had argued for at least ten minutes after that, Cook leaving them and taking JJ with him, none of them truly convinced that Naomi wouldn't hit JJ. Naomi had defended what happened with Cook like it was no big deal. Like Emily was a fool to get so upset about it and that what she had done was much worse. Emily had tried to explain why she'd slept with JJ and that it meant nothing. That she was doing him a favour and that she'd needed to feel wanted, even if it wasn't with the person she wanted. Tempers flared and Emily said things she now regretted. But at the time neither had been willing to give an inch. After all the excuses and explanations and justifications were made and rejected, Emily had looked Naomi in the eye and told her one final time, having _finally_ convincing herself.

"This is over."

Days later she still couldn't shake the feeling she'd gotten in the pit of her stomach when she looked into those blue eyes as the words fell out of her mouth. But Naomi hadn't said a word. Just turned and walked away, leaving her shivering in the dark alley. She'd fallen back against the brick wall trying to catch her breath for a moment before slowly making her way home. She'd gotten a text from Anna later that night asking if she was okay. She instantly felt guilty, remembering how she had been so blinded by lust that she'd just left her friend in the pub without a word or backwards glance. But Anna didn't seem angry, just concerned, and Emily messaged back a vague apology, promising to call her later. Katie had stayed at Effy's house that night but was full of questions when she came home the next morning.

"_What the fuck happened last night?" _

_Katie blew into their room in a whirlwind of anger and aggression. She dumped her jacket and bag and took off her jewellery and threw it on her dresser, then stood at the foot of her twin's bed with her arms crossed._

_Emily shuffled under her covers. She had been drifting in and out of sleep all night, just about to fall back into darkness when Katie arrived to shatter it._

_When there was no reply Katie grew impatient. "Hello? I asked you a fucking question. I know you're awake."_

_Emily sighed and cursed growing up with a twin who knew her too well. She didn't want to go into the whole painful, embarrassing story. She didn't want to once again prove to Katie how weak she was. She didn't want to fight anymore. She was so tired of struggling._

"_I wasn't feeling well so I went home." _

_The excuse didn't sound any better out loud than it did in her head._

_Katie looked sceptical. "That's crap Emily. Anna told me you took off with that bitch and then disappeared. Then JJ muttered something about you and Naomi fighting before Cook could shut him up."_

_Emily still wanted to kill him but was thankful that Cook had done her at least one kindness and shut JJ up before he told all of their friends everything. She looked up at Katie and could feel her burning with anger. She knew it was because she had caused a _lesbian _scene and no doubt embarrassed her. She felt stupid for ever thinking she wasn't the meek, submissive twin. Feeling that familiar shame she dropped her head._

_Katie huffed. "If Campbell did something to hurt you I swear I will fucking rearrange her face so that little kids will scream and run away when they see her...more than they already do."_

_Emily's head snapped up in surprise upon hearing Katie's threat. Katie was sticking up for her. Katie was trying to _protect _her._

_Emily's eyes flooded with tears she didn't know she had left to cry. Ignoring her sister's anger she curled into herself._

_Katie softened at seeing her sister cry and sat on the end of her bed, knowing better than to say anything right now._

"_I love her," Emily finally breathed out softly. More tears fell, staining her pillow. "I love her and she doesn't love me back."_

_Saying the words out loud, finally saying the words was both freeing and devastating. She closed her eyes feeling her body ripple with sobs. She felt Katie move up the bed to stretch alongside her, pulling her hand from under her chin and squeezing it firmly. They had laid like that for an hour, Katie gripping onto her hand tightly, letting her know she was loved._

She had been dreading Monday but Naomi hadn't turned up to college, leaving her feeling both relieved and empty. It was easier not having to see the blonde, but a part of her still missed looking into those blue eyes. She had been happy to find Anna there waiting at the front gate for her like nothing had happened, smiling and looking pleased to see her. They had chatted easily, neither of the bringing up Friday night. Until lunch that was.

"_So I'm glad you're feeling better. I got a little worried when you didn't call me back all weekend. I thought I'd done something to piss you off."_

_Anna had her head down, poking mindlessly at her food. It was the first time Emily had seen her unsure of herself and felt guilty for being the cause._

"_No, it wasn't you," she tried to assure her, "just...other stuff."_

_She swallowed the wave of emotion that threatened to crash on her when she thought about that 'other stuff'._

_Anna looked up and nodded her understanding. "Naomi stuff?"_

_Her chest tightened at the mention of the blonde. She wondered if she would always feel like this. But she was also unnerved by the tiniest note of sadness in Anna's voice. She looked away from their locked gaze, talking herself out of it. Anna had been firmly placed in the 'friend' category in her brain on Friday night. And she needed a friend. _

"_Yeah." She sighed and ran a hand through her cherry red hair. "I thought we were something we weren't...It just got so fucked up...It's really over now."_

_Her breath hitched as the truth of her words hit her like a punch in the stomach. Anna placed a comforting hand on her arm, shocking her slightly. She still wasn't used to being touched so openly._

"_I know what that feels like. The last girl I dated broke my heart."_

_Emily's eyes widened at the confession. Up until now she hadn't been sure Anna like girls, always dismissing the thought, blaming her inexperience as both a friend and a lesbian. But now it couldn't be denied._

It still doesn't mean anything_, she told herself._

"_She slept with my now ex-best friend," Anna continued, shaking her head in disbelief. "My best friend who was a guy."_

"_Fuck," Emily sighed in sympathy. _

"_Yeah," Anna agreed simply, before taking a deep breath and smiling, looking her right in the eye. "But the good news is all those clichés people piss about life going on and doors opening are true. It's going to suck for a while but it will get better, and then one day you'll be able to think of them and not want to cry. And then one day you'll start liking someone else."_

_Anna flashed that brilliant, supportive smile and squeezed Emily's arm one final time before pulling it away. Emily felt a little lighter. She didn't have to carry the weight of this secret anymore. Katie knew and was being supportive and now Anna knew. She wasn't alone in this._

And now, almost a week after the fight, Emily was beginning to find some clarity over the events. It all led her back to the same conclusion. She had been a fucking idiot. Once again she had been so willing to follow the blonde anywhere she wanted to take her and once again she'd ended up crying and feeling bad about herself. Naomi kissing Cook was only a small part of why she had been so angry that night, because she was mostly angry at herself, angry that she had once again given in so readily to the blonde. _Never again_, she promised herself. _Never again_.

* * *

Naomi didn't get out of bed all weekend. She'd gotten a text from Katie on Saturday morning warning her not to go near Emily again. She didn't think that would be a problem, Emily wouldn't go near _her _again.

She didn't go to college on Monday.

She didn't go to college on Tuesday.

There was an ache in her belly that she thought would never go away. Everything in her body was wrong. Like someone had gotten in there wile she was asleep and rearranged everything and nothing felt like it used to. It was all wrong. She just lay curled in her bed, her body wrapped in blankets like a cocoon, a place where the rest of the world couldn't touch her. She got up to eat and pee and smoke but that was it. Her mum tried to speak to her but was repeatedly told to fuck off. She vacillated between hurt and anger. Sometimes she was so furious she could feel her body shaking with it. Sometimes she thought she'd never stop crying.

She had done her best to explain to Emily what had happened with Cook, but the words kept choking in her throat.

"_How could you sleep with fucking JJ?" She yelled, her voice tight with anger. _

_They had already been arguing for a few minutes, dancing around each other in the alley. She took an intimidating step toward the redhead._

_Emily held her ground. "Because you didn't want me Naomi! You left me holding your hand through a cat flap, wondering why I wasn't good enough. JJ needed a friend and so did I. You're the one who left me in the woods after we'd slept together! You're the one who kissed someone else the next day!"_

_Naomi scoffed. "Oh so it's my fault you fucked JJ? How can you be angry with me for kissing Cook when you _slept_ with someone else?"_

"_Fucks sake!" Emily yelled in frustration. "Don't you understand the difference? _You_ didn't want _me_. I asked you to be brave for me and you ran away. And then I find out you kissed Cook after the election."_

_Emily's voice broke and she dropped her head. _

"_Fuck Emily I was scared," Naomi cried desperately. She wanted to tell her that she had been confused after they'd spent the night together. That kissing Cook had made her realise how much the redhead meant to her. How much that night really meant to her. But all that left her mouth was jumbled excuses and accusations._

"_You're always scared," Emily spat back angrily. _

_They stared at each other. The moment seemed to stretch for hours as she looked into those brown eyes, blazing with hurt and rage._

"_This is over."_

_As Emily muttered those words the knot in Naomi's stomach closed completely. She couldn't breathe. She needed to get out of there, away from those words, away from that look on Emily's face. _

_So she turned and walked away, struggling with the impulse to run, at least until she was clear of the redhead, finally picking up speed once she'd rounded the corner._

So she'd hibernated in bed hugging a vodka bottle that she was slowly emptying. She felt so alone. Emily was right, everything was her fault. She had tried to fix things but fucked them up even more. All she did was fuck things up.

Effy had called when she hadn't turned up to school on Monday.

_Her hand hovered over the button on her phone, finally deciding to answer in the hope that there was some news of Emily._

"_Hey Eff."_

"_Feeling shit?"_

_That was what she loved about her enigmatic friend. She never had to explain herself._

"_Yeah."_

"_Fix it."_

"_Don't think I can this time."_

_They let that sit between them as the silence stretched on._

"_She looks sad," Effy said finally. "She's trying to smile but she's sad."_

"_Thanks Eff."_

"_College tomorrow?"_

"_Don't think so."_

"_She loves you Naomi."_

"_Yeah."_

_That was the problem._

Effy called after college finished on Tuesday. Naomi had again spent the day in bed, her mind running over everything that had happened Friday night, then everything that had happened since that kiss at a party all those years ago. Her mind flooded with memories of every encounter she'd had with the redhead, from fleeting glances to searing kisses to all-consuming sex to their eventual disintegration and Emily's cold eyes. So when her phone lit up with Effy's number she answered immediately, thankful for the distraction.

"_Katie said she's going to punch you in the face," Effy announced with her usual nonchalance._

"_As long as she doesn't smack me in the head with a rock."_

"_That's more my style." _

_She knew her friend was smiling and laughed at their exchange. It was the first time she'd laughed in days. It felt good. It felt like the knot loosened a little._

"_Anna likes Emily."_

_Naomi's smile faded. "I know."_

_Silence fell between them._

"_You can't win if you don't play the game Naomi," Effy said finally._

_Naomi sighed. "But you can't lose either. Isn't that what you're doing with Freddie?"_

_Her friend seemed to think on that for a quiet moment. "Yeah," she said softly, "but you're wrong Naomi. Take it from someone who knows. You _always_ lose if you don't play."_

* * *

By the end of the week Emily was surprised that while she had been pretending to be okay she had actually started to feel marginally better. She didn't have much of a choice at first, putting on a brave front to face college and her friends and eventually Naomi, but by the end of the week she had smiled genuinely a couple of times, and laughed, and even gone for long periods of time without thinking about the blonde. The ache in her stomach faded slightly.

Naomi had finally turned up to college on Wednesday, Emily's heart stopping when she spotted that particular shade of blonde in the corridor. And then the head had turned and those blue eyes were on her and she couldn't breathe anymore. And then Naomi was gone. And Emily was still standing. _It would get better_, she reminded herself.

It did a little. Each time she saw the blonde that week she was left rattled and speechless but still standing. They didn't speak. They didn't so much as twitch their mouths. But every time their eyes met Naomi's would bore into hers for an intense moment and then look away. Sometimes she was standing with Anna or Katie or Panda and it was easier to distract herself soon after. She constantly fought the urge to talk to Effy about her, knowing that she would have spoken to Naomi about what happened. But she knew she shouldn't, she knew it was none of her business now.

Distraction was the key. So she kept herself busy, hanging out with Anna and JJ and Panda and Katie all week. It was easy to distract herself during the day. The nights were the hardest, when the stillness of the night invited her mind to dwell on everything that had happened.

On Saturday afternoon she went to see a movie with Anna. Katie was supposed to go, cancelling at the last minute because she'd met a guy at the post office. Emily had rolled her eyes because really, Katie would find a guy to date in a women's prison.

She stood outside the movie theatre waiting for Anna, feeling more than a little anxious. She had been the one to organise the outing and with Katie's sudden departure she didn't want Anna to think that it had all been an elaborate set up for a covert date.

_Christ you're paranoid_, she scalded herself. _Just because she likes girls doesn't mean she likes _you_. She's your friend you idiot. You need a friend_.

She wasn't waiting long when she spotted Anna crossing the road. She let herself appreciate how good the other girl looked, in skinny dark jeans and cute red jacket. She was appreciating the _clothes_ she justified to herself, not the pretty girl with dimples wearing them.

"Hey."

Anna pulled her into a hug and Emily forced her body not to stiffen at the contact. Upon smelling Anna's perfume she thought of how Naomi never wore any, but always smelled like soap and fresh laundry. Emily loved that smell.

"Sorry I'm late." She searched the space around Emily. "Is Katie already inside?"

Emily pushed any thoughts of Naomi aside and smiled, trying her best to keep the nerves out of her voice. "Katie got distracted by a boy and ditched us." She rolled her eyes again at her twin's boy craziness for added effect.

Anna laughed without missing a beat and Emily felt relieved. She didn't think this was a date.

"I've only known her for two weeks but that sounds exactly like something Katie would do. Oh well, just us two then."

Anna's smile was infectious as she held her arm out for Emily to loop hers through. Emily obliged, grinning as they made their way inside.

After the movie Anna invited Emily to hang out at her place. Her cousin was having some friends over, nothing like his party last time she assured her, just a few mates, drinks and music. Emily thought about what would follow if she declined the invitation. She would go back to her room, alone now that Katie was on a date. Alone with the ghost of Naomi filling her room. So she agreed to go, if only to distract herself. And a few hours later she was glad she had. Her cousin's friends were fun, and Emily drank and danced and laughed, forgetting about Naomi entirely for most of the night. And when Anna suggested Emily crash at her place she shrugged and agreed, because it was late and she _really_ shouldn't go home in the state she was in. So sometime in the early hours of Sunday morning they collapsed on Anna's bed, Emily at least aware enough to slide down to the other end so that they were top and tail. She remembered what had happened last time she had gotten drunk and fallen asleep in a friend's bed.

* * *

Naomi's mum had finally kicked her out of bed on Wednesday, telling her that she didn't want her daughter ending up without an education and on employment benefits, even if she did support the government's policy. She'd wrangled her grumpy daughter out of the house and stopped just short of marching her to college herself.

As she'd predicted the day had been fucking horrible. She'd drifted through her classes, alternating between thinking dreamily of the redhead and admonishing herself for doing so. Lunch was spent outside with Effy. She'd run into Katie coming out of one of her classes and the twin had closed in on her aggressively, stopping a few centimetres away from her face.

"Hurt my sister again and you'll fucking regret it."

Naomi was bigger than the girl, but she knew better than to mess with her. She averted her eyes in defeat. Katie smirked and walked away.

Then the moment she'd dreaded since Friday. She felt someone staring at her and the knot tightened. She knew who it was before she turned, immediately confronted by those chocolate brown eyes across the corridor. She held her breath, holding her gaze for a moment, wanting to tell Emily everything she knew she couldn't with words. But she knew Emily didn't want to hear it anymore, so she dropped her head and walked away, finally remembering to breathe. It was the same thing every time she saw the redhead. They'd lock eyes and Naomi would forget to breathe and her shame and guilt would force her eyes away. She still watched Emily from afar, noticing the growing ease of her smile and the way she laughed, always surrounded by friends. The truth was hard to deny, Emily was better off without her.

Saturday night Effy dragged her out of her misery. She collected her from her house and walked her to a local pub.

"Emily won't be here," Effy assured her, once again reading her mind. "She's out with Katie and Anna."

_No fucking surprise there_, Naomi thought as she rolled her eyes. Wherever Emily went Anna was sure to follow.

They went round after round of shots, Effy teasing the bartender with her flirty eyes and smirk, as well as every other bloke in the vicinity. Naomi's mind grew hazy, her head started to spin and her words began to slur. A couple of skeezy guys came onto her and she'd enjoy the attention for a minute before red would flash in her mind and she'd push them away. She was shocked then, when she thought she saw Emily across the pub. Emily was right there, all she had to do was walk over there. Emboldened by the alcohol she stood shakily and made her way over, realising too late that it was the wrong twin.

"Katie? Where's Emily?" she spoke with the deliberate preciseness only drunk people used, "Effy said you were out with Emily."

Katie's face scrunched in disgust. "I told you not to go near her."

Naomi had forgotten about Katie's threat. She hoped she wasn't about the get her ass beat.

"Anyway," Katie continued, an amused smirk now gracing her lips. "She's out on a date...with Anna."

Naomi stumbled backwards. Everything swirled in her brain as her heart raced. There was no pub and no music and no rowdy guys and no Effy and no Katie.

Just Emily on a date with Anna.

She managed to draw her focus back to Katie just as the twin was turning her back, effectively dismissing her.

She made an excuse to Effy, dodging the guy wrapped around her friend, and walked home, suddenly feeling painfully sober with just one thought dancing around her head.

Emily and Anna on a date.

* * *

Emily woke up to that horribly disorientating feeling of not remembering where the fuck you are. She looked around as her eyes adjusted to the lightly slowly. It took a second for the night to come flooding back, the fact that she was in Anna's bed, in a t-shirt and shorts Anna had leant her. She stilled herself and listened for signs of the other girl, lifting her head slightly when she didn't hear any. Anna wasn't there, she'd probably woken up and was downstairs getting on with her day.

Emily stretched before sitting herself on the side of the bed. She realised she was alone in this new friends room and took the opportunity to look around, having not had the chance to see anything last night in the dark. She turned to the other side of the room and was confronted with a wall completely covered with thousands of images layered on top of and over each other. It must have taken Anna hours to create. She walked forward and studied the images. There were advertisements and images ripped from magazines, photographs of people Emily assumed to be friends and family, headlines cut out from newspapers, postcards, flyers, movie posters, CD covers, ticket stubs from concerts, art galleries, museums and theatre shows, cartoons and hand written quotes. It was colour and it was black and white and it was fluid but perfectly still. It was stunning. _An insight into Anna's soul,_ Emily thought. Right there for the world to see. And it was beautiful.

She was still admiring the sight when she heard her name being called.

"I see you like my wall."

Anna walked into the room smiling, a mug in each hand.

"I made tea."

She offered one to Emily and then stepped back.

"It's amazing," Emily said sincerely before feeling slightly foolish and sipping on her tea. "Must have taken you ages."

"Yeah," Anna said taking the seat at her desk. "At least a few hours to put up there, but years to collect all that stuff. It was worth it though...that's kind of like my whole life up there you know...everything I care about..."

She watched Anna trace the rim of her mug in thought before turning back to the wall, completely amazed by what she was seeing.

* * *

Naomi woke on Sunday morning remarkably clear headed and determined. She'd watched Effy last night. Even in her drunken haze she had watched her friend flirt and kiss random guys all night, that empty look in her eye. And it struck Naomi how sad it was. Effy had been right, if you don't play you always lose, and maybe that's why she had taken her out last night. To show Naomi what happened when you were too scared to play. To show her what it looks like when you give in completely.

After she'd gotten home last night she'd thought about how she hadn't _really _tried to be brave for Emily. Not the way she needed to. Not the way Emily deserved. That was going to end today. Anna was nothing. Anna was two weeks old. Two weeks can't compete with years of their history and that fire between them.

She shuffled around her room and threw on some clothes she found in a pile, pulled her hair into a messy ponytail and made her way downstairs. She could hear her mum rustling in the kitchen but slipped out the door undetected. She didn't want anything delaying her. She grabbed her bike and rode the shortcut she'd discovered over the summer to Emily's house, the cool wind whipping across her face.

She arrived at the Fitch house suddenly feeling anxious. This was it. She was really going to do it. She leant her bike against the fence and walked down the path. When she got to the door she stood for a moment, breathing deeply to compose herself. She held a shaky finger up to the doorbell but then pulled it back. What if Emily had really meant it when she said it was over? What if she poured out her heart to the redhead and was rejected. She didn't think she could live with that.

Her finger hovered over the bell, but the decision was made for her when someone came barrelling through the door. Naomi stepped back as the man pulled up upon seeing her.

"Ah sorry about that, gotta watch where I'm going."

Naomi smiled at the man with the Scottish accent she assumed was Emily's dad.

"Can I help you with something love?"

She cleared her throat and took another deep breath. "Um, yeah...I wanted to speak to Emily."

The man shook his head. "Nah I'm sorry love but she stayed the night at a friends," he scratched his chin in thought. "Anna I think her name is. Did you want me to tell her you dropped by?"

Naomi deflated like a popped balloon, all the air expelled from her body. The hope that she had dared herself to feel dissolved like smoke.

Emily was out on a date with Anna.

Emily had stayed the night at Anna's.

She felt like she was falling, like some gravitational force was pulling her down.

She opened her mouth to speak a couple of times unsuccessfully, finally managing to mutter "No that's okay" before turning on her heel and walking back down the path, concentrating only on moving one foot in front of the other. She could hear Emily's dad saying something from behind her but she was underwater now and nothing was clear.

Nothing except the fact that Emily definitely wasn't hers anymore.

* * *

**I know...sigh...**

**I have a wall like Anna's by the way...and it did take me fucking hours!**

**Okay let's all take a deep breath as the musical credits roll!**

**Songs for this chapter are: **

'_**Speaking A Dead Language' **_**by Joy Williams - it hurts my heart and is so beautiful****...**

'_**Never Bloom Again' **_**by The Perishers - probably one of the most hopelessly depressing (yet awesome and beautiful) songs ever written...**

'_**Your Ghost'**_** covered by Greg Laswell – fuck that song is sad...I know **_**technically**_** it's about a dead lover, but it's all about longing... something these two seem to have down-pat..**

'_**I Don't Feel It Anymore'**_** by William Fitzsimmons and Pricilla Ahn...just listen and your heart will break...seriously...**

**All depressing but all unbelievably beautiful...sigh...keep the faith peeps...and don't forget to review! peace 3**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I hope everyone did something nice for mother's day! I had to run out and buy a present at the last minute because my boyfriend is **_**retarded**_** and can't manage to buy **_**his **__**own **__**mother**_** a gift *facepalm*...anyways thanks again readers and reviewers...way to make a girl feel special! :)**

**Also, love triangles are **_**way**_** too easy when one of them is an asshole, hence Anna being kinda awesome...and I know some of you are getting pissy with the constant Naomily miscommunication but let's face it – teenagers are just insecure little kids in adult bodies... so keep your pants on...unless you are lady gaga and then _of course _I approve your pantlessness... :P**

**

* * *

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Naomi felt lost for the first two weeks, adrift in a sea of uncertainty, wave upon wave of regret and pain crashing over her. Drowning her. She got up every day and did everything she was supposed to do but she was going through the motions in a daze, her head constantly underwater. She saw the redhead around college. Saw her with that girl and her sister and her friends, and every time she did she wanted to vomit. But seeing Emily only intensified the ache that was _always_ there. The pain that woke her up most nights. Sometimes Emily would smile stiffly at her, most of the time they averted eye contact. So she avoided her as much as possible. If Emily entered a room she would find a way to leave. If Emily was going to be at a party she found another one to go to. She thought about how easy it used to be for her to pretend she didn't feel anything, care about anything. But that was all before Emily Fitch dropped into her world like a fucking bomb and levelled fucking everything. Now nothing looked like it used to and she didn't know how to go back to before. She couldn't.

Effy had been there and so had Cook, who had apologised for opening his big mouth more times than she could count. They had taken her out of her house when all she'd wanted to do was curl up and sleep. She sensed something had happened between Effy and Freddie but Effy didn't want to talk about it so she didn't ask. She didn't feel like partying so they'd gone to movies and concerts and even the museum, Cook gravitating instinctively to the reproductive section of the human body exhibit. She was grateful for her friend's efforts, but felt little relief. Even Katie thought she was pathetic, no longer bothering to shoot menacing glances or mouthed threats her way. Cook and Effy made a silent agreement with her not to talk about Emily. Naomi knew that Effy would know things from Katie, and part of her desperately wanted to ask, but the smarter part of her brain warned her not too, it would only lead to more tears. She didn't think she could handle that. Panda came with them sometimes, and oblivious to their silent pact, didn't hesitate to mention Emily. Or Anna. Or Emily and Anna.

So when they were out at the pub one night knocking back shots, Panda bemoaned the lack of their other friends, mentioning that Anna was having dinner at Katie and Emily's place. Naomi choked on her beer. Emily was bringing Anna home for dinner to meet her parents.

That's fucking great.

Something changed for Naomi after that.

She gave up completely.

And she, Cook and Effy partied. A lot. Almost constantly. They went to clubs and raves and pubs and house parties and bars and anywhere else they knew they could get a drink and take a pill or snort some powder and rub up against a stranger or each other and forget who they were. Forget why they hurt. Forget they hurt at all.

One Saturday night the three of them were out at a club, all off their faces on whatever pills Cook had scored. After an hour or two Cook and Effy disappeared for a while, _off to fuck in the toilets_, Naomi assumed. In need of more alcohol she moved through the crowd and over to the bar to order another drink. Sensing someone close to her she turned.

It was a tall brunette girl with dark eyes and a playful smile. She looked Spanish or Italian...something exotic. And she was looking right at her.

"Hey," the girl said with a slight Italian accent, leaning in to Naomi to be heard over the music and then pulling back.

Naomi just stared. This girl was beautiful. Probably a year or two older than she was. She had pale porcelain skin that seemed to glow and Naomi felt the overwhelming urge to touch it, actually lifting her hand and reaching out a finger before she remembered herself and snatched it back.

"Uh, hi," she choked out as she tried to recover.

"I'm Bianca."

"Naomi."

"Can I get you a drink?" The girl shifted that tiny bit too close and smiled.

Naomi looked at the brunette as her hazy mind swirled. It was all very confusing, aided by the ridiculous amount drink and drugs in her system. She knew this girl was coming on to her. She knew she thought the girl was beautiful. But Naomi didn't know if she liked girls. She'd thought she liked boys, and then Emily came along and her attraction to the redhead had been so strong that she realised she'd never really liked any boys _that_ much. But she'd never really liked any other girls before, not that she'd really looked. She'd always just thought it was Emily. But now Bianca was talking to her and smiling at her and standing close to her and Naomi didn't know what to think.

So tempting fate she decided to find out, accepting the offer and having a drink. When the girl suggested they go outside for a smoke Naomi agreed, partly because she was desperate for one herself. They stood outside the club and talked. Naomi thought Bianca was pretty and smart and funny so when the brunette leaned in to kiss her she didn't pull away. She let Bianca's soft lips press against hers without reacting for a second and then, realising that it actually felt quite nice, started to move hers in response. She didn't think about the fact that she was kissing this girl in public, in the middle of the street no less. She didn't want to think about how this was the first time she'd kissed a girl in public. But when Bianca's tongue slipped into her mouth and her firm body pressed against her all Naomi could think was that it didn't feel like Emily. It didn't make her feel like Emily did. She pulled away from the girl with muttered excuses, went home and cried.

After that Naomi gave up thinking altogether. She spent most of her days and all of her nights high or drunk or both. She didn't feel bad about Emily because she didn't feel anything. College was a fucking mess. That was when she actually turned up. Her grades were for shit. She knew she was being destructive. Escaping. She knew it wasn't the right answer to anything. But it was the only one she fucking had. Her mum was getting worried, tolerating her behaviour less as it escalated, Naomi caring less. She didn't fucking care about anything. Anthea had been away in Italy since the summer and the three of them crashed at Effy's place most nights, Naomi sleeping in Tony's empty room when Effy and Cook were shagging. Oh yeah, Effy and Cook were shagging again.

That went on for a few weeks. And it was Cook, not surprisingly, who woke her from her Emily coma. They had been sitting in a cafe having lunch, Cook relaxing back in his chair with a smoke hanging out of his mouth and beer in hand, Naomi resting her head in her hands, coming down from another rough night.

"You got anything for this Cook?"

She rubbed at her temples as her head throbbed, not quite sure whether she was asking about the hangover or something else entirely.

Cook chuckled and exhaled smoke, picking up on the dual meaning of her question. "You talking about your head or your heart blondie? Because your head I got a spliff for."

He slipped his fingers into his shirt pocket, pulled it out, and handed it over.

"But aint nothing gonna help your heart I'm afraid."

She lifted her head and mirrored his smirk, grabbing the spliff from his outstretched hand. She lit the end and inhaled deeply.

"Why don't you feel it Cook?"

This time they both knew she wasn't talking about the hangover. She passed the spliff back.

Cook flicked his cigarette into the street and took the spliff, leaning back in his chair again, his brow furrowed in concentration.

"Cos you aint like me, you never have been. I aint got nothing else do I? No mum who gives a fucking toss about me. No fucking hope at college. Nowhere to fucking live. Not like you."

He inhaled again deeply before continuing.

"So you and the redhead fucked each other up, yeah. It don't mean you gotta fuck your whole life up."

He grinned at his own brilliance and Naomi shook her head and smiled, then frowned when she saw him grab his balls.

"I gotta take a slash."

He buggered off into the cafe to use the bathroom. Naomi relaxed back into her chair, squinting at the unseasonably clear sky and its stinging sun.

The truth of Cook's words stung much worse though. He was right.

He was fucking right.

She reflected on the last two months or so since college started. She had felt off balance the whole time, unsure of what she was really feeling, masking it with sarcasm and bullshit. And now she was pissing away her life with drugs and alcohol. She was fucking up college. Her mum was angry and disappointed in her. She only had two friends, both of which were more fucked up than she was. Not exactly a healthy influence. She wasn't doing any of the things that used to make her happy. She wasn't involved in her activism anymore. She hadn't volunteered in months. Everything that she'd initially feared about being with Emily was happening and she wasn't even with Emily.

She'd lost herself.

Or maybe she'd never known who the fuck she was.

* * *

Emily liked having a friend.

Anna was the first friend she'd made in years. The first friend that Katie hadn't picked out for her. A friend that didn't belong to her twin or anyone else in the group. A friend that was just Emily's. Sure Anna hung out with the rest of Emily's friends and even Katie seemed to really like her, but she was Emily's friend first. And that had _never _happened before.

She enjoyed getting to know this new friend, discovering who she was. She learned that Anna's parents were Australian but she was born in England. She moved to Bristol because her parents were moving back to Australia for work and she wanted to finish college and go to university in the UK. Her cousin was the only family she could stay with. She found out that that Anna read at least two books a week and listened to embarrassing pop music, which Emily mocked her mercilessly about but made her a favourite to Katie. She'd travelled half the world and Emily enjoyed hearing stories about these places she'd only ever seen in photographs or on TV, like South Africa and China and Mexico. Her favourite colour was yellow because it reminded her of summer and she was scared of heights. Emily found that Anna was an affectionate person by nature, unafraid of touching her arm or knee thoughtlessly during a conversation, and Emily had to force her muscles not to tighten, reminding herself that it was innocent. She'd seen her do the same thing to Katie and JJ and Thomas and Panda. Other than that it was easy to be around Anna, laughing with each other, arguing about music and books, compromising on DVDs for movie nights.

Katie seemed to get on well with her as well, so much so that Emily felt herself getting a little territorial over _her_ friend whenever the three of them hung out. But it was also nice – hanging out with Katie again. Katie was still riling her up about Anna liking her, but the more Emily got to know Anna the surer she was that her friend didn't have those types of feelings for her. So she stayed over Anna's place often and Anna came over for dinner with the Fitch family. Initially Emily wasn't sure how Jenna would feel about Emily bringing a new female friend to dinner after that last girl she had talked about at the dinner table. She sensed some reluctance from her mother until her mum realised that Anna was friends with Katie as well. Emily had rolled her eyes at the thought of her mum trusting Katie's character judgement over hers.

It wasn't for a few weeks that Emily found out the answer to the question that had been burning inside her brain practically since she'd met Anna.

They were in a bookstore, combing the shelves, when conversation turned to Anna's move.

"I had some family friends I could stay with in London but I kind of wanted a change of scene," Anna explained while flicking through a book. "After everything that happened with Chelsea."

Emily looked up from the quotations book she had her head in. She sensed her opening.

"Chelsea was the girl you were dating?" she asked casually. Looking back down at her book and pretending not to care.

"Yeah," Anna replied somewhat wistfully. "We dated for like six months. I thought I was _so_ in love with her. Then I walked in on her and my best friend Jack fucking...so cliché."

Anna slammed the heavy book shut loudly.

_Still not over it_, Emily thought.

"It's kind of sadly funny," Anna added, "because Jack and I used to date."

Emily's eyebrows rose.

"So you like boys as well?"

She couldn't keep the surprise from her voice.

"No." Anna said firmly. "But before I worked that out properly Jack and I dated for a bit when we were younger. I realised I was gay and we became best friends...until..."

Anna's face darkened for a minute before her smile returned, her green eyes lighting up again as she faced Emily.

"...Everything always works out for the best in the end I guess."

Emily returned her smile and then dropped her gaze back to her book.

She knew she shouldn't, she knew it was unfair and stupid and unnecessary but as she flipped through the book absentmindedly she couldn't help comparing how comfortable Anna was with her sexuality to how Naomi had been so confused and scared by hers.

It was another thing that made being around Anna that much easier.

So Emily buried herself in this new friendship. It was the perfect distraction from the ghost that haunted her nights. She hadn't been prepared for the impact that those three words would have. _This is over_. Naomi pulled away completely, unable to even be in the same room with her. Katie made annoyed off-handed comments about how much Effy was hanging out with _that bitch_. How they didn't come to college half the time and how they partied _all_ the time with Cook. Emily couldn't stop herself from worrying.

The few times she got a good look at Naomi it tugged at her heart. She looked wrong. Like the negative of herself. Her hair didn't glow anymore but fell limply around her face. Her clothes were crumpled and thrown on. Despite herself Emily still couldn't help thinking how beautiful the girl was. But the thing that really got to her were Naomi's eyes. Once sparkling and luminous and piercing they were now dull and empty. She'd seen those eyes before, and she didn't want Naomi to end up like Effy. She wanted to slap Naomi in the face and tell her to snap out of it, tell her she was better than that, better than all this shit. But she couldn't. Not if she was part of the reason for it.

When she allowed herself to think about the blonde she wondered if Naomi's avoidance was because she found it too hard to be around her or if it was really that easy for her to go on with her life. To forget about everything they had had. She wanted to believe it was because she found it too difficult to be around her, so when JJ let it slip that he'd seen Naomi kissing some random out the front of a club Emily thought she'd gotten her answer.

"How do you know it was Naomi?" she asked desperately, not bothering to hide it. They were in a classroom, Anna seated next to her.

JJ's eyes shot around the classroom. "Um, I mean, I really didn't mean to say anything."

"Well you did. So tell me what you saw," Emily pressed again.

"Well, I was um, I was going for a walk because I was on this new medication that kept me up all night, don't worry I'm not taking it anymore they've moved me on to something else that is far more cooperative with my-"

"JJ," Emily said impatiently, knocking him back on topic.

"Right. Naomi. Girl kissing."

Emily winced.

"So I had far too much energy and thought it best if I went for a walk. I walked for a couple of hours, not sure where I was exactly and then I saw Naomi talking to a very pretty girl with brown hair..."

Emily felt the bottom fall out of her stomach.

"...and then they were kissing and I was watching and almost got run over by a car. But as you can see I'm fine."

Emily stared for a moment, her mind and heart racing. Naomi was already kissing another girl. On the street no less. Naomi had barely so much as held her hand in public when they were together.

"Maybe it wasn't Naomi," Anna suggested, obviously trying to make her feel better. "I mean it was dark and JJ was sleep deprived." She looked to JJ pointedly, "Right JJ?"

JJ didn't pick up on Anna's cues. "No I am quite certain it was her. My eye sight is twenty/twenty."

Emily sat back in her chair and tried to breathe.

Naomi was moving on. Maybe it was time she did too.

* * *

**Sigh...so, more moping and reflecting...Naomily interaction next chapter I promise...though it mightn't be happy so I don't want to see hopes up **_**just**_** yet... :P**

**Please review...then I can squee when I check my email and see something other than something my sister has forwarded to me of an animal doing something stupid...seriously...she never quits with those things...**

**Let the music credits roll...**

'**Misguided Ghosts' by Paramore...acoustic love...**

'**Destroy Everything You Touch' by Ladytron...oh Naomi on a bender...**

'**Winter Winds' by Mumford and Sons...just go buy the whole album...**

'**Where Does the Good Go' by Tegan and Sara...still their best song in my opinion...**

'**Sunday' by Sia...serously...it's **_**sia**_**...**

**and Booooo i love that you love Greg Laswell considering 9/10 people i know say 'Greg who?'...much love...**

**peace out bitches :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Just quickly, a friend of mine got some really bad news yesterday – the kind that makes you thankful for life. So before you read this – pick up your phone or go into the next room and tell someone how much you fucking love them, because as Emily Fitch put it so eloquently, **_**everything is so fragile**_**.**

**Okay, now that you've done that, here is your promised Naomily facetime...this chapter was tough...I think I consumed like five mars bars and twenty coffees while writing it, and my head is not in a great place...I haven't been for a run in a few days...I think you can tell...**

* * *

Emily was getting annoyed with everyone assuming that she and Anna were dating. Especially Katie. She could understand why people would think that – they spent most of their free time together and they had all the same classes at college – but the more Emily tried to correct the assumption, the worse it got.

At first she worried that Naomi would believe the rumour, but couldn't think of a way to dispel it without it feeling like she was putting herself out there again, telling the blonde that the door was still open. But as the weeks went by, and especially after she'd found out about Naomi kissing that girl in the street, Emily cared less about what the blonde thought. She even hoped it made her jealous. Because hearing that Naomi had been all over some slut in public hurt Emily far more than she'd ever admit. The girl who had been scared of her own shadow when they were together was now openly kissing girls in public.

Just not Emily.

So she tried to move on, but found it was a lot more difficult than it sounded. It was easy for her to tell herself not to care about Naomi anymore, to count the ways she had been hurt by her. But it was another thing entirely for her body to stop instinctively reacting whenever she saw the blonde. Her heart would race. Her skin would hum with electricity. Her eyes would fall on Naomi's neck and she'd remember the hot, wet kisses she used to trail down it and across her collarbone. The moans that would escape the blonde's lips when she did so. Then her gaze would trace over the delicious curve of her hips, reminding Emily of how she used to caress and kiss them to pull Naomi from her sleep in the morning. Finally her eyes would wander down the other girl's long, strong legs and Emily could still feel the ghost of them wrapped around her waist.

It was torture.

Her mind was playing cruel tricks on her. She'd be at a party or a club and a cute girl would approach her and start flirting. Emily would try to flirt back. She'd engage in conversation and let herself admire the girl in front of her. But when she thought about how pretty or smart or funny the girl was, something in her head would whisper, _not as beautiful as Naomi. Not as smart as Naomi. Not as funny as Naomi. Not as sexy as Naomi. _

_Not Naomi._

The flip side to that of course was that none of those girls could hurt her the way Naomi had. Still, it wasn't enough for Emily to want to do anything other than smile politely and find an excuse to walk away. Anna came in handy sometimes, Emily pretending she was her girlfriend and slipping away from the random trying to chat her up.

She wondered for the millionth time if it was ever going to get better.

* * *

It was much easier to fuck up your life than it was to put it back together.

More fun too.

Naomi supposed that was why so many people drifted through their lives in complete chaos – it was a lot less painful than taking a good look at yourself and figuring your shit out.

But before she could get to all that wanky _'finding yourself'_ bollocks she had to clean up the messes she'd made.

The first thing Naomi did was apologise to her mother.

She'd shuffled into the kitchen tentatively, her was mother hovering over the stove.

"Hey."

Her mum looked over her shoulder and smiled tightly. "Talking to me today are you?"

Naomi knew she deserved the tone. She took a seat at the table.

"Yeah...I've been a bit of a shit."

Her mum's stern expression softened. "Just a bit."

Naomi sighed with relief at her mum's somewhat playful tone and watched her walk over and take the seat opposite her.

"So I take it you've finally pulled your head out of your ass?"

"Yeah," she nodded, her voice heavy with regret. "I'm trying to sort it out."

Her mum smiled and shook her head. "Oh love. That's what being young is all about. Finding out who you are. Figuring out what makes your heart face. You're probably going to fuck up a lot worse than this."

"Well that's comforting."

"Better to fuck up now than when you're my age."

"Well you are _really_ old," Naomi said with a cheeky grin.

"I wouldn't be laughing if I were you," her mum warned. "Soon you'll be changing my nappies."

----x----

The second thing Naomi did was start going to college every day again.

That wasn't as simple as it sounded, her body now used to sleeping until noon.

Her teachers were mostly cooperative and helpful, encouraged by her sudden persistence and excellent grades last year, and cutting her some slack. But she was much further behind in her work than she'd thought she was, and now instead of staying up half the night partying she was up till all hours just trying to catch up.

Cook and Effy were supportive in their own way, no longer calling or sending her a text every night demanding she go out. Not giving her shit when she didn't. They understood that she had drawn a line and made a decision that they themselves weren't ready to make. She did worry about the two of them alone in the world together. Even when she had been blind drunk she had still been the more responsible one of the three, discouraging Cook from stealing cars and going for joyrides or stopping Effy from wandering off into dark corners with creepy guys. They still hung out at lunch whenever either of them showed up to school, inside a forgotten classroom now that the weather had turned nasty, but there was a divide between them now.

She wasn't one of them anymore.

Sometimes she caught Cook smiling at her fondly and she knew that despite everything he was proud of her. Effy was too, Naomi knew she'd just never show it.

It wasn't easy, but Naomi was at least trying now. She knew the hardest part was still ahead.

* * *

Emily wasn't feeling the party. She hadn't wanted to go but Katie and Anna were excited about going and practically dragged her there. Katie's head was about to explode because she hadn't kissed a boy in like a week, and for the first time in the months that Emily had known her Anna was looking to hook up with someone as well. Which was precisely why she didn't want to go, because Katie and Anna would fuck off and she'd be left on her own, at a party she didn't want to be at.

Which was exactly what had happened.

Emily scanned the room she was awkwardly standing in. Some people she knew from college and other parties, some she didn't. Everyone was drunk or high, dancing to the music that vibrated throughout the house or rubbing against someone else. Everyone seemed coupled up. Katie had found a boy before they'd even entered the house and Anna had been lured away not long after by a cute girl that had been eyeing her from across the room.

She hadn't had that much to drink, which was part of the problem. She pushed herself off the wall and went in search of alcohol and someone to hang out with.

* * *

Naomi wasn't going to go to the party. She'd promised herself she wouldn't get fucked up anymore. But then she'd gotten an A on a politics assignment she'd pulled an all nighter on. So she decided to let herself celebrate, it was a Friday night after all. But she set herself strict rules – no alcohol, no drugs, no random kissing. Effy was just excited that she was going out and let the nun behaviour slide.

The first thing Naomi saw when she walked into the house was Anna standing _extremely_ close to some girl. Some girl that wasn't Emily. Anger flared in her veins and she took a step forward, about to beat the crap out of Anna for cheating on Emily, when she felt Effy's hand grab her arm and pull her back.

"Anna and Emily aren't dating," she said simply.

Naomi scowled as she comprehended her friends words, then redirected her rage. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"

"Because you didn't want to talk about her," Effy explained casually, seemingly unaffected by Naomi's anger. "Besides, would it have helped anything?"

Naomi thought about how hurt she had felt, thinking that Emily had moved on. And knowing now that she hadn't eased that knot a little. But it still didn't change the fact that they were apart or why.

Naomi conceded the point and let her anger subside. "I guess not."

Effy shrugged. "I need a drink."

* * *

Emily was relieved to find JJ and Freddie in the kitchen. JJ was standing at the bench with a line of water glasses in front of him. Freddie was relaxing back in a chair, eyes glazed over, spliff in hand.

"Emily!" JJ said excitedly as he spotted her. "You just missed my trick. I can do it again if you'd like."

"That's okay JJ. I was looking for a drink." She pulled a beer out of the six-pack on the bench. "Hey Freddie."

"Emily," Freddie said in greeting. "You alright."

"Been better," she replied simply, taking a sip of beer. She winced at its bitter taste.

"Yeah," he replied, commiserating.

Freddie looked like Emily felt. She didn't know the latest chapter in the Freddie/Effy/Cook saga but she knew that Effy and Cook had been together a lot recently. And she knew it fucking hurt like hell to know that the person you loved was off kissing other people outside clubs.

Oblivious to the subtext of their conversation, JJ sat back in a chair and pulled out a pack of cards.

"Who wants to see my new trick?"

Emily loved JJ, but she wasn't in the mood tonight. She was thinking of an excuse to leave the room when she saw blonde in her peripheral vision. She turned and there she was, Naomi looking better than Emily had seen her look in months. The light bounced off her straight, shiny hair again. Her skin was glowing. She was wearing black skinny jeans and a fitted t-shirt, fitted in a way that made Emily's mouth hang open. But it was her eyes that had changed the most, that brightness back in them.

"Naomi."

The words escaped her lips before she knew she'd spoken.

* * *

Naomi saw the redhead standing in the kitchen with JJ and Freddie and wanted to turn around immediately, cursing her Emily radar for malfunctioning. But Effy followed her in and Emily spotted them. And then when Naomi looked into those inviting brown eyes she knew she was stuck there. Her body wouldn't move away even if she told it to. And then Emily said her name, so softly she'd barely heard it, and a heat travelled through her.

"Hello Effy," JJ said breaking the tension.

Effy nodded her head in greeting, eyes fixed on Freddie who had turned at the sound of her name. They engaged in an intense staring competition.

"Hello Naomi," JJ said tentatively, remembering their last encounter.

Naomi smiled tightly, not taking her eyes off Emily. She couldn't help it, she kind of hated JJ a little bit. He had sex with Emily, something Naomi thought was only hers. Something a part of her hoped would only _ever_ be hers.

Someone nudged past Naomi as they walked into the kitchen and she was suddenly aware of the ridiculousness of the scene she was in – Effy and Freddie staring intensely at each other, her and Emily doing the same thing, surrounded by a bunch of oblivious drunk strangers. Nobody saying a word.

Then Katie came barrelling in.

"Fuck Ems I've been looking –"

She paused when she took in the sight.

"Well this party just got well fucking interesting."

* * *

Emily dragged her eyes away from the blonde's and looked at her sister, but she could still feel Naomi's eyes on her. She tried to move her feet, uncomfortable under the powerful gaze, but she was pinned down by it.

"I told you to stay the fuck away from my sister," Katie said stepping up aggressively to Naomi.

Emily finally found her feet and moved to stand between the two of them, making sure not to get too close to Naomi.

"Don't Katie. Please just...don't."

Katie looked at her and then over her shoulder at Naomi, giving one final threatening look, before turning back to her.

"Fine. Come on Em."

She grabbed Emily's elbow a little too roughly and pulled her out of the room.

Emily didn't need to look over her shoulder. She could feel Naomi still watching her.

* * *

Naomi couldn't explain what had happened. But seeing Emily and having Emily see her, being so close to her, was like a gravitational pull. Nothing else existed in the world except Emily. Emily's silky cherry red hair. Emily's soft inviting lips. Emily's smooth bare shoulders. Emily's tight firm body. Everything about the redhead was pulling her in like a black hole. And when Katie dragged her twin out of the room Naomi turned to watch her leave, feeling the warmth and light drain from the room.

"Come on," Effy said, pulling her from her thoughts. "Let's get out of here."

She absentmindedly followed her friend out of the kitchen, the opposite way that Emily and Katie had gone. They ended up outside where she spotted Cook fucking some girl against the fence. She winced, wishing it was a sight she hadn't seen a few times before. She looked to Effy who seemed unfazed by it all, as usual. They walked to the bottom of the yard and to a bench, a shiver travelling through her as she sat on the cold stone. Effy pulled a tin of cigarettes from her bag and lit one before offering them to Naomi.

"So...Freddie?" Naomi asked, feeling bold enough to mention him, probably the adrenaline from her encounter with Emily.

Effy exhaled a perfect smoke ring and then destroyed it, blowing it away.

"Yeah."

"Still not playing the game?"

"Nope."

Naomi looked back to where she'd seen Cook, who was now gone.

"What about Cook?"

"We play a different game."

Naomi watched the smoke she'd just inhaled dissolve into the night. Thought about how it was still there, all around her, but now so dispersed she couldn't see it anymore.

"But you know he loves you."

It wasn't a question. Everyone knew.

"Everyone loves me," Effy said sadly. Like it was a curse.

Naomi tried not to think about the person she knew loved her.

* * *

Emily frowned, ignoring the words coming out of Anna's mouth.

Naomi wasn't being fair.

She wasn't playing by the rules.

Not too long ago the blonde had followed Effy into the room, taking a seat on the couch opposite where Emily was, joining Panda and Thomas. Emily had turned and then looked away, knowing that if she locked eyes with Naomi she'd never be able to stop. So she smiled and nodded her head and pretended to listen to Anna talk about some girl. But she could feel those blue eyes on her. Searing into her skin.

It wasn't fair.

She reminded herself that Naomi didn't want her. That's she'd let her walk out of her life again and again, never once pulling her back. Emily had always been the one running back to her.

Emily thought about a time over the summer when they'd fought on the train coming back from London. Unable to get too far away from the blonde she had grabbed her bags and stormed through the carriage, finding a seat at the back of the train. And as she sat there, fuming at Naomi's inability to commit in any real way, she rifled through her shopping bags in need of a distraction. She realised that in her haste to storm away she'd accidentally picked up one of Naomi's bags. Unable to help herself she looked inside and pulled out a box from a jewellery store, opening it to reveal a beautiful heart shaped pendant.

Her eyes had flooded with tears.

Maybe Naomi hadn't been able to _tell_ her how she felt about her but she could _show_ her.

And that had been enough for Emily, placing the small box back into the bag and walking back up the train, taking her seat again beside the relieved looking blonde.

But after months of the same argument it wasn't enough anymore. And Naomi had let her go again. Easier than any other time.

So then why was she looking at her like that?

When Emily couldn't help it anymore, when she couldn't stop her focus from being pulled into Naomi, she lifted her gaze, and saw it all in those blue eyes.

And she could barely breathe.

* * *

Naomi knew she shouldn't be looking at Emily that way.

She knew she couldn't give her what she wanted. Not until she'd sorted herself out. Not until she knew she wouldn't hurt her again. But seeing Emily leaning against the wall, all she could do was stare.

It didn't even bother her that Emily was standing with Anna, because now she knew they weren't together. Not that it was any of her business.

She watched Emily seem to struggle with herself before finally flicking her eyes over to her. And Naomi knew she should look away. But she didn't want to. And her body didn't want to either. And Emily looked at her in a way that she felt right at her core.

Like she was _seeing_ her.

And not looking away.

But then something in those eyes darkened, and Naomi saw them narrow in anger. She didn't have time to dwell on it though because suddenly there was shouting and swearing, and when she looked to the source of the noise she saw Freddie holding Cook in a headlock, both of them obviously drunk and stoned and fighting about Effy.

She took the disruption and the change in Emily's demeanour as an opportunity to leave the room. She found an empty bedroom and sat on the bed in the dark, the moonlight illuminating the room softly.

She needed to sit down. She needed to get her breath back.

* * *

Despite the chaos of the fight, Emily could feel Naomi moving and turned back to watch her walking out of the room.

She made a snap decision to go after her, fuelled by an anger now, an anger that she could feel pulsing through her body.

Because Naomi shouldn't be looking at her like she was. And she needed to tell her to stop.

So she followed Naomi and slipped into the room after her. Her tiny body shaking as her heart thumped uncontrollably.

Naomi was sitting on the end of the bed with her head in her hands, massaging her temples, as yet unaware of Emily's presence. Hidden half in the shadows, the moonlight dancing across her skin. But when the door clicked shut loudly her head snapped up.

The blonde didn't seem surprised to see her. In fact the opposite. She looked like she had been expecting her.

Blue eyes locked onto brown and Emily was almost knocked backwards by the intensity in Naomi's eyes. So close to her. She had to look away.

This was the problem. It needed to stop.

"Em, I-" Naomi began but Emily cut her off, letting her anger overtake her.

"You need to stop what you're doing Naomi. You need to stop looking at me like _that_."

It was Naomi's turn to look away from the furious heat of the redhead's gaze. Emily didn't care. She gave in to the anger because it was easier to look at Naomi when she was angry. When she didn't have to acknowledge her aching heart.

"We broke up and now you're fucking looking at me like _that_. You can't do that anymore. It's not fair. I can't breathe when you're looking at me like that."

Emily tried to keep her voice tight, but standing so close to the blonde she found she couldn't sustain her anger, feeling it draining out of her.

"You keep looking at me like you want me."

Naomi finally looked back to Emily, eyes pleading. And then Emily couldn't concentrate on anything other than that look in those blue eyes. The one that was telling her she _did_ want her. She wanted Emily as much as Emily wanted her.

Emily didn't stop to think about what a bad decision it was. She wasn't thinking at all as her body moved swiftly toward the blonde, grabbing her chin and pulling her head up before leaning down and crashing their lips together.

* * *

Naomi closed her eyes as she felt Emily's searing lips on hers. It wasn't sweet or polite or gentle. It was passionate and desperate and rough.

Naomi felt like she had been holding her breath for months and now she could finally breathe.

All she wanted to do was breathe Emily in.

And then Emily was pressing against her and pushing her back onto the bed, shifting up it with her and pulling Naomi's top off in the process, until Emily's firm body was laying on top of hers, her hands skimming across her skin.

This was all Naomi had thought about for months.

But her mind blacked out as the sensations took control of her body. Emily's hips pressed against hers. Emily moaning into her mouth. Emily's finger tracing over one hardened nipple and then the other. The feel on Emily's skin under her fingers. Every inch of the blonde's skin was humming, shivers running through her when Emily's other hand ran down her side. Every touch burning into her skin. Leaving a mark that she knew would never wear off. It was frantic and unrestrained. Then it was Naomi's turn to moan when Emily's thigh shifted in between hers and pushed against her centre. Emily smiled into their kiss at the sound but then her mouth was gone, Naomi gasping until she felt her trailing hot kisses down her neck. Her arms settled on the redhead's hips a moment later as Emily sat up briefly to quickly strip her own top off.

And Naomi wished that she hadn't. Because in those seconds that Emily's mouth wasn't tasting her skin something in her woke up. She opened her eyes and saw the look in the redhead's eye. She saw beneath the obvious hunger.

She saw the hope.

She stiffened and let her hands drop to the bed.

Emily immediately noticed the change in her mood.

"What's wrong?" she asked breathlessly.

"This isn't, I mean..." Naomi clenched her eyes shut, it was hard to focus on words with a topless Emily straddling her.

"I don't think we should do this," she said finally, opening her eyes.

Emily's face dropped. All the heat had been sucked out of the room.

"I can't believe you're doing this to me _again_. I can't believe how fucking stupid I am." She pulled herself away from her and off the bed, finding her top and slipping back into it. "I just keep letting you fuck with me. Keep believing that you want to be with me."

Emily moved towards the door.

"I do want to be with you," the blonde replied, desperate for her not to walk out.

Emily stilled and stood with her back to her for a moment, then turned to face her again.

"Then why do you keep doing this Naomi?"

Emily's voice was thick with pain. It hit Naomi like a punch in the stomach. She was hurting her again. Always fucking hurting her.

"I just...It's not fair on you...I need to..."

Nothing she was saying was coming out right. She wanted to tell Emily that she was doing this for _her_. That she needed more time to sort herself out so that when they got back together she wouldn't make the same mistakes again. But all she could see were the tears sliding down Emily's cheeks and all the right words slipped away like smoke as soon as she tried to grab them.

"...I can't be with you until I sort myself out."

Emily sighed in frustration.

"And why can't we be together while you're doing that?"

"Because I don't want to hurt you anymore. Look at what happened over the summer."

Naomi moved closer to Emily but at her words the redhead stepped back.

"_This_ is fucking hurting me Naomi!"

Naomi dropped her head.

"I know."

They stood in silence for a moment. She could feel the anger radiating from Emily's body.

"And am I just supposed to wait for you?" Emily demanded finally. "Just fucking sit there hoping that after you've gotten your shit together you'll want me?"

That was exactly what Naomi wanted. She wanted Emily to wait for her. She wanted Emily to put her life on hold until she was ready for her. But she knew it was selfish and unfair. She knew it was impossible.

"I don't expect you to wait for me," she whispered, her own heart shattering in her chest.

When Emily walked away she did the kindest thing she could.

She let her go.

* * *

Emily didn't think her heart could break any more. She thought that Naomi had well and truly smashed it so many times that there was nothing left to break. But hearing the defeat in the blonde's voice ripped her apart on a level she hadn't thought possible.

She couldn't be in that room. It wasn't big enough for everything in it and she was suffocating. She was suffocating with Naomi's words and Naomi's eyes.

She turned and walked out the door without a backwards glance. Without a word from Naomi. She pushed her way through the house, only partially aware of the madness of the party. Some primal instinct had kicked in to protect her and get her out of there, numbing her to everything around her. She was almost out of the door when someone grabbed the back of her t-shirt and jerked her back.

"Emily," Anna whispered. "I need you to do that pretending to be my girlfriend thing because it turns out that the girl from before is a total fucking psycho and won't leave me alone."

Emily watched Anna's lips moving and it took a second for her to comprehend her meaning.

She wasn't sure why she did what she did next. She didn't even think about it. She wasn't thinking as she slid her hand around Anna's neck and pulled her close, pressing their lips together.

After a second she felt Anna kissing her back, and all she could think was how much kissing Anna didn't feel like kissing Naomi.

Emily didn't feel anything at all.

And that was a good thing.

* * *

**So I kind of depressed myself there...It's not been a good week and I was feeling bleak...sorry...I promise you there is happy coming...it's a journey...**

**Disclaimer so people don't get uppity: Yes, fans of grey's anatomy, the Naomily 'stop looking at me like that' dialogue was inspired by the Meredith/Derek scene in the prom episode. I'm not a huge Mer/Der fan but I love the idea of that scene...so I****borrowed it...**

**and Boo as you can see I am def a grey's fan –you can tell from my music...lol... and thanks for your epic reviews...*blushes***

'**Kill' by Jimmy Eat World...my fave of theirs...Naomi is killing Emily with her eyes...**

'**Sober' by Kelly Clarkson...no, I'm not joking...just listen... **

'**Hide and Seek' by Imogen Heap...no explanation necessary...LOVE...**

'**Apologies' by Jack Savoretti...his voice is **_**so**_** sexy...and he's **_**smokin' **_**hot too :P**

'**Orchids' by Maria Taylor...**_**so**_** beautiful...**

**Thanks for dropping by and don't forget to leave a review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you to those who sent well wishes and positive vibes – you're all lovely. Life is just real shit sometimes. I went to my best friend's house and cried, she bought me a cheeseburger and a care bear to cheer me up...then I drank WAY too much vodka and passed out...then in the morning I went for like a 10km run...in the rain...I don't even know...**

_**Anywaaaaay**_**...I feel like we haven't been in Emily's head as much...so strap yourselves in...not in _that way...dirrty perverts... :P_**

* * *

Emily Fitch couldn't lie.

She could say words she knew to be untrue. Tell people she felt things that she didn't. That wasn't the problem.

The problem was her eyes. They would always betray her.

She'd try to keep her voice tight and her expression flat but her eyes wouldn't lie, no matter how much she needed them to.

Which was ironic because she had been lying her whole life.

She lied to Katie about liking the same things as her. Being the same. Because Katie needed the lie.

She lied to her family about being gay. Growing up she pretended to be interested in boys and not stare too obviously at other girls. Never voicing her true feelings.

She lied to the whole world. Even herself for a while.

And she knew it was obvious. She knew that if anyone was really looking hard enough they would see it. They would see it in her eyes.

She couldn't help but feel incredibly sad that nobody had cared enough to actually look any closer. To see the doubt in her eyes. The fear at being found out. The pain of having to lie in the first place.

Either they couldn't be bothered or they didn't want to. They didn't want to see who she really was because they knew they wouldn't like what they saw.

She didn't know which was worse.

Her whole life people either didn't care enough or didn't want to see it.

Except Naomi.

Naomi had seen it.

Naomi had seen her.

The only person Emily had ever really wanted to.

And now it was all fucked up.

Emily had always been the sensitive one. That's what her mum always said. When she'd come home from school crying about the kids calling her names her mum would fuss over her, muttering about how sensitive she was. Too sensitive. How she wore her heart on her sleeve. How worried she was for her. Worried she'd get hurt.

Emily was always so open. So hopeful. So willing to believe the best in people. Some people thought it naive and even stupid, but Emily had always been proud of the way she saw the good in the world.

It hadn't always been easy.

When she was younger the other kids called her names and made fun of her because they thought she was weird. Because she liked to stare at clouds and see stories in them, and stay inside at lunch to talk to her teachers. It only got worse when she became a teenager, the other girls couldn't relate to the quiet girl who liked to read instead of chase boys. Especially Katie. But Emily's faith in the world had never wavered.

Because she believed.

In love and goodness and happy endings.

So even when a scowling blue-eyed blonde would knock her down she'd get right back up every time because she knew what they had. What they were. What they could be.

She believed in them.

But now she understood why her mother had worried.

Because people fuck you over.

You have to protect yourself as much as possible because they will kick the fucking shit out of you and leave you gasping for breath, barely hanging on.

And Emily realised she had left herself far too vulnerable her whole life. She had been far too willing to hold her heart in her hand and show it to the world.

So now she realised the flipside of her hope and openness.

Pain.

Naomi had done it again. Making Emily think that she wanted to be with her. Letting her in. Lighting that fire in her again. And Emily had been so willing. So willing to open herself completely to her. And then the blonde pulled away and told her that she couldn't.

And Emily was left feeling like Naomi had taken her heart that she'd held out to her and stomped all over it.

She would have been able to understand Naomi needing space to figure herself out. But Naomi didn't even fight for her. Didn't tell her that she loved her. She just watched her walk out the door.

And part of her was thankful. Because now she knew that all that true love and forever stuff was bullshit. It didn't exist in the real world. Only in movies and books and the minds of naive redheads.

And Emily would never make that mistake again.

She was going to be different now. Stronger. Nobody was going to be able to hurt her again.

And she wasn't going to lie about who she was anymore. For real this time.

At the end of summer she had decided that she wasn't going to keep lying. And she wasn't going to let her friends and family get away with accepting her lies. But in the months since, nothing had really changed. Her parents still refused to acknowledge her sexuality, preferring to remain ignorant in their belief that they were a 'normal' family. And it had always been easier to let them believe that. To nod her head and flash an empty smile.

But it was also slowly killing her.

Taking a little bit of her soul every time her mum talked about a nice boy she thought Emily would like. Every time Emily had to lie about staying over at Naomi's. And her mum would have that look in her eye. That look that was half threatening, _because you like boys Emily_, and half terrified, _please tell me you like boys Emily_. Because Jenna Fitch needed to have things in their place, the place that she had put them to make her life look perfect. Where do you think Katie got it from.

But Emily wasn't going to sacrifice herself for those around her anymore.

* * *

Naomi wondered if she should just give up.

She silenced her alarm and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, rolling onto her back and staring at her blank ceiling. All she could see was Emily. That look on her face as she walked out of that bedroom last night. It was burned into her memory. Projected onto her ceiling, her walls, the back of her eyelids. She was confronted with it everywhere she looked.

None of last night should have happened. She knew that even then. She shouldn't have let it happen. But she saw Emily and she couldn't look away. Every nerve in her body was screaming. Burning. Needing to be closer to the redhead. And then Emily was touching her and kissing her and loving her and Naomi's body stopped responding to rational thought. But then Emily looked down at her in that way that she always did, with adoration and love and pure wonderment. Like a part of her couldn't believe she was so close to her.

And it scared the shit out of Naomi. Because she knew she wasn't ready for that. That responsibility of holding someone else's heart in your hands. She didn't know if she would ever be ready for it, but she wanted to believe that she could. Because those few times she had allowed herself to give in to it, it had been exhilarating. It had filled her up in more ways than she ever thought possible. Surrounded her. But she couldn't shake that fear. The fear that this could all come crashing down around her and she would be left empty and broken.

So she'd tried to explain to Emily, but everything came out wrong. She wanted to tell her how she felt about her but the words choked in her throat. She wanted to tell her that she was trying to be better for her and she just needed time. But it didn't sound right when she tried to. And then the look on Emily's face had changed. And the love and hope that had been there even throughout all of their other fights was gone. Replaced by something else. Something hard. Angry. Bitter. Disillusioned. And Naomi had choked up all over again because _she_ had done that. She had changed the way Emily looked at her.

She wanted to fix it. She just didn't know if she could.

She always wondered how Emily could live in this world the way she did. Being so open and loving and idealistic about love and life. Before she knew her properly Naomi had thought she was an idiot. Running around so vulnerable, practically waiting for someone to crush her. But Naomi came to admire it. Because Emily wasn't stupid or naive.

Emily was the bravest person she knew.

And Naomi wanted to be brave for her like Emily had begged her to that day...she just didn't know if she could. It was too terrifying.

She closed her eyes again and saw Emily's face, contorted in pain.

She had to believe she could fix it. Otherwise she wasn't sure what she had left.

* * *

Emily opened her eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the morning light. She stretched her limbs out gingerly, retracting them quickly as she felt herself kick something.

Someone.

She lifted her head and turned to the person next to her.

Anna.

A half naked Anna. Still fast asleep.

Emily dropped her head back on the pillow and clenched her eyes shut. Trying to wish it away. It was no use.

When Anna had kissed her back last night Emily didn't feel anything. Nothing except how much Anna wanted her.

Emily needed to feel wanted.

And Anna was drunk. Really drunk.

So they stumbled back to Anna's house kissing and touching and made their way to Anna's bed. And when Emily took Anna's clothes off she didn't feel anything, except the need to remove Naomi. Naomi was all over her. On her lips and arms and legs and hands and heart and Emily needed her to be gone. She needed not to feel her anymore.

And it was comforting in a way. Because with Naomi she had always felt too much. Like her heart was going to burst every time the blonde merely smiled. Like her body was erupting every time Naomi touched her skin. But Anna was touching and tasting Emily's skin and she didn't feel anything.

She was numb.

And it was _almost_ enough. It was almost enough for her to keep following down the burning path she was on.

But she couldn't let herself. She knew it wasn't an answer to anything.

So she'd pulled herself away from the other girl and rolled onto the other side of the bed, inhaling deeply to get her breath back. And even blind drunk Anna had understood. Soon after they'd finally given in to sleep, neither girl inching any closer overnight.

And now it was the morning after and Emily was clutching her bruised and beaten heart in her hands tightly, determined to never let anyone near it again.

* * *

Naomi didn't want to get out of bed but she knew she should. She was trying to get her life back on track and she'd already proven than staying in bed all day wasn't going to achieve that. So she showered and threw on some clothes, then headed out to the community centre.

She was meeting with Mike, the head of the volunteer services, to find out which places they had open. Mike was an asshole, Naomi had always hated him. He'd never thought that much of her either, or anyone else for that matter. When she'd called earlier in the week Mike had been even more abrupt and sarcastic than usual, which she should have expected after the way she had left things a couple of months ago, and it took all of her nerve not to tell him to go fuck himself. She used to volunteer in a legal aid office, doing boring reception work, which she hadn't minded because she was helping refugees and battered women and people who really needed support. But then everything happened with Emily and one day she didn't feel like going in so she didn't. And then the next time she was hung over so she didn't. And every day there was a new excuse until she stopped caring altogether. She felt guilty about it, and knew that Mike would never get over it.

So before she knocked on his office door she steeled herself.

"Come in," he called from inside.

She stepped into the office, not bothering to smile. Mike was sitting at his desk with his head down, not even bothering to look at her.

"Hi," she said coldly. She wasn't prepared to suck up to this guy.

He glanced up quickly and then back down to his work. "Campbell. Come to sign up for something and never show up?"

She rolled her eyes and shifted her bag up higher on her shoulder.

"Like I said I'm sorry about that. It won't happen again."

He scratched his thinning hair, eyes still down. "I know it won't."

They fell into silence.

"So," she began after the awkward moment. "I just came to choose between the open places."

Mike scoffed. "There's only one open place I'm afraid."

"One?" Naomi asked incredulously. "In the whole council there's only one place that needs a volunteer?"

"Yup."

She sighed dramatically, not caring what this fucker thought. She knew it was bullshit. She should have known he'd give her the worst job or something everyone else didn't want to do.

"Fine what is it then?"

"You can drive right?"

She scrunched her face in confusion. "Yeah...but I don't have a car..."

Mike waved his hand dismissively. "That's fine, Mr Walker has a car. You just have to drive it."

"Drive it...where?" she asked nervously.

Mike finally looked up at her, amusement playing on his doughy features.

"Mr Walker needs to be driven to the hospital three times a week for an hour in the afternoon, one of which will be Sunday. You'll be driving him there and back."

Naomi took it in. That's why no one else wanted to do it. She'd either have to wait in the car for an hour or drive back and forth. It would mess up her afternoons, and her weekend.

"Why is he going to the hospital three times a week? And why can't he drive himself?"

Mike narrowed his eyes. "It's none of our business why he's going to the hospital. And he's elderly, he doesn't like driving in the afternoon. You say you want to help people and he needs help. Are you going to help him or not?"

She took exception to Mike's tone, and when she replied, "Yes I'll fucking do it," it was more out of spite that her desire to help.

Mike smirked. Like he knew a secret that she didn't. That scared her.

"Good."

He rifled through some papers and then held a slip out to her.

"This is the address. Be there at 4pm Monday."

And then his head was down again and she was dismissed.

She wondered what she'd just agreed to.

* * *

Emily was dressed and downstairs before Anna had woken. She didn't want to have the conversation she knew they were going to have. She was about to creep out of the house when she heard footsteps behind her.

"Love 'em and leave 'em hey?"

Emily turned to face Anna. The gay part of her took in how beautiful Anna looked in the morning light, her blonde hair loose around her shoulders, her green eyes sparkling. The girl part was jealous. She noticed that Anna's smile looked forced.

"Well technically we didn't do anything..." Emily replied a little defensively.

"I know, I was kidding," Anna replied, looking deflated.

"Oh."

They stood with the kitchen between them. Neither looking the other in the eye.

"I think we should talk about it," Anna said quietly.

"Do we need to?" Emily asked, knowing she was probably reaching for too much. She was angry with herself for stuffing this up. She needed Anna as a friend. "I mean you were really drunk and I was upset...and nothing really happened."

Anna lifted her head. She looked like Emily had slapped her. Emily wasn't sure what it meant.

"It...complicates things," Anna added.

"It doesn't have to," Emily countered.

"But it does," Anna said a little firmer.

"Why?"

Anna looked into Emily's eyes and in that moment she knew. She knew that Anna wasn't kissing her back like that last night because she was drunk. It was because she really did want her. Katie had been right.

"Oh."

* * *

Naomi was walking home with her head down and music in her ears. She felt a little lighter than she did when she woke up. Everything was still monumentally fucked up, but at least she would be doing some good again soon. Helping people. It made her feel a little better about herself.

She was concentrating too hard on the pavement and didn't see the person heading toward her like a bullet train. Not until she felt someone shove her in the back of her shoulder.

"What the fuck?"

She rolled her eyes when she saw who it was. As horrible as it always was to be in the presence of Katie Fitch, Naomi's stomach twisted more than usual, once again reminded of last night and Emily.

"Fuck off Katie."

She turned her back and made to keep walking but Katie moved in front of her.

"I'm serious Naomi, I want a fucking word."

Naomi sighed and raised an eyebrow. "Well...talk."

"Stay away from Emily."

Naomi shook her head. "Change the record Katie."

"This isn't about me thinking you're a dozy bitch Campbell...which I do by the way. This is about Emily."

Naomi heard the concern in Katie's tone and looked at her properly for the first time since she'd bumped into her. She didn't look angry. She looked worried. About Emily.

Naomi dropped her head, overwhelmed with guilt.

"Whatever happened at the party has to stop. I'm telling you this because I fucking love my sister...and I'm sick of hearing her crying in the middle of the night...she thinks I can't hear her."

Katie's voice cracked and she looked away.

Naomi tried to stop her eyes from watering, she didn't want to show weakness in front of Katie, but the image of Emily crying herself to sleep _because of __her_ was too much. Maybe she really had fucked it up beyond repair this time. Maybe she'd broken it so badly there was no way it could be fixed.

"Don't hurt her again," Katie said finally. It was more pleading than threatening and it broke something in Naomi.

"Okay," she whispered.

Katie looked her in the eye and nodded, then turned and walked away.

Naomi closed her eyes and breathed deeply.

She just wasn't sure if prmosing to never hurt Emily again meant she should keep trying or give up completely.

* * *

**Please excuse my **_**severe**_** lack of knowledge about volunteering programs in the UK...I was going to google it but that involved more work :P**

**Music for this chapter...**

'Three Wishes' by The Pierces...I love these girls...and the lyrics are brilliant for Emily right now...

'Never Meant to Fail' by Alex Lloyd...just kind of heartbreaking and awesome...

'What Can I Say' by Brandi Carlile...one of my fave songs ever..._so_ Naomi...

'Nobody Wins' by The Veronica's...an old fave...and I'm a sucker for a string section :P

**Thanks for reading and let me know what you think :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Blerg...something is fucking up with my account and basically I can't tell if anyone is still reading this...besides you _glorious _reviewers – esp. slushhy, vaskon, ****lumagoo1015 and Boooo...****so I'm hoping some of you still are!**

**Sidenote: Has everyone seen that 12 year old boy singing the piano version of Lady Gaga's 'Paparazzi'? Because if you haven't you should - (http: // www. youtube. com /watch?v= bxDlC7YV5is - just take out the spaces)...it's fucking fantastic!**

**I think there are only a few chapters left...figure they can't be **_**complete **__**idiots**_** for too long! **

**Enjoy...**

* * *

Emily decided that Sunday was the day. She'd waited too fucking long and if she didn't do something she would hate herself.

She spoke to Katie beforehand, hoping to have her support. Katie was going to give it of course, but she questioned whether it was a good idea. When Emily told her she had to Katie could hear the urgency in her voice and agreed. It also worked out fortuitously that James would be at Gordon's house for dinner. Emily was glad for that. It would be easier to have this conversation with her parents without her smartass younger brother there.

So they were sitting around the table having dinner, which was something heinous her mum had cooked up that her dad seemed to love, of course. Emily was fidgeting nervously, listening to her dad drone on about the gym, waiting for her moment. She finally took advantage of a lull in the conversation.

"Mum, Dad...I need to talk to you about something."

Her voice was a little shaky. Katie looked across to her and smiled supportively. Emily thought how different it was from the last time they'd been in this situation.

Her parents looked up from either end of the table.

Fear was threatening to take over again but Emily held her nerve. Her heart was racing in her chest. She reminded herself why she needed to do this.

"Yes love," her Dad said expectantly.

"Um...I just...I mean," she stammered as her mind blanked, completely forgetting the speech she had run through all day in her head. "I...well."

She took a deep breath.

"I'm gay."

Her mum dropped her fork. Her dad's eyes widened. The thickening of tension in the room was instantaneous. Emily immediately felt relief, finally saying the words. She also felt terrified, awaiting her parent's reaction.

"Emily," there was a hint of warning in her mum's tone but she was still smiling, her eyes flicking in panic to her husband, "We've talked about this. Don't be silly."

Emily's heart clenched and she swallowed hard.

"No we didn't. Not really."

She looked to her dad again. His eyes were still wide with shock. His mouth hanging open.

"Emily...you're not _gay_," her mum told her again, lowering her voice on the last word like she was ashamed of it.

And Emily knew her mum _was_ ashamed of it. Ashamed of her. She dropped her head. Maybe she couldn't do this. Not after everything that had happened with Naomi. She was so tired. She didn't want to fight anymore. It would be so much easier to keep her mouth shut. To keep prentending. Keep letting people walk all over her.

"Yes," she heard her sister say firmly, "she is. Emily is fucking gay alright mum. Get over it."

Emily lifted her head and smiled at her twin, overwhelmed with love for her sister. They may hate each other sometimes but Emily knew that when it came down to it Katie would do anything for her.

Empowered by her sister's support she found her voice again.

"This is who I am. I can't change it. But I'm still Emily."

She looked to her mum again and saw a multitude of emotions playing on her features. Anger, shame, confusion, concern. Watched her open and close her mouth several times trying to find words. Emily turned to her dad who still looked shocked and kind of nervous.

"I just..." her mum began, "I don't want to discuss this."

"Mum," Emily pleaded as she watched her mum stand. "We can't keep ignoring this, please."

But her mum was shaking her head and walking out of the room.

And all Emily wanted to do was curl into a ball and disappear. Because her mum was so disgusted she refused to even look at her.

"Jenna."

Emily's head whipped around to her dad at the sound of his voice. She looked back to her mum who was frozen in the doorway.

"She's our little girl."

Emily could feel the love in her father's words, the acceptance. She looked back to him and saw that reflected in his eyes. Her heart swelled. They locked eyes and he smiled. She knew they would be okay.

After a moment she looked back to her mum. She watched her shoulders rise and fall, her own heart beating uncontrollably. Her mum finally turned around but didn't come any closer. Her mouth a hard line.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

Emily's vision clouded with tears. She wanted her mum to say the she loved her unconditionally. That she supported her and that Emily's happiness was all she cared about.

"I want you to say it's okay." Her voice was strained with emotion. "I want you to say you love me."

Her mum moved forward. "Of course I love you," she reassured her quickly.

Emily smiled a little as she wiped a tear from her cheek, relieved to hear those words.

"I just...I'm your mother. It's hard for me."

Emily was quiet, urging her mother to continue talking. She watched her take her seat again and take a deep breath.

"I had dreams for you...and me," her mum said softly. "Helping you organise your beautiful wedding...going with you to try on your dress...grandchildren...I know that's selfish but –"

"I understand," Emily replied with a comforting smile. "And I can still have those things. We can. It will just be a little...different."

Her mum sighed and returned a weak smile.

"I just don't want your life to be difficult...and I think because of this...it might be."

Emily breathed deeply trying to suppress the emotion that threatened to overwhelm her. Her mum didn't hate her. She was scared for her.

"It might be," she said simply...honestly, "but not being who I am would be far worse."

And when her mum's eyes, which had been focused on the table, flicked up to meet hers Emily could feel it all. How much her mum loved her. How worried she was for her. But mostly love.

"I know."

Her mum then walked around the table and hugged Emily's shoulders from behind.

And Emily finally allowed herself to break, sobbing with emotion. Finally releasing everything she'd pent up over the last few months.

* * *

On Sunday afternoon when Naomi went to Mr Walker's house to collect him she was running late. He was already waiting for her in his car and she peered inside cautiously and waved. He looked pretty much how she thought he would. Thin white hair that he parted on the side. A long deeply lined face. A white shirt covered with an argyle knit cardigan, black slacks. But she did imagine him without that grimace. And she kind of wanted him to have a moustache and a pipe. He pointed to her and then the driver's seat. She complied with his instructions, settling into the seat and placing her bag in the backseat.

"Hi Mr Walker I'm –"

"You're late," he interrupted, irritation evident in his voice.

Naomi frowned and his tone and scrambled to apologise.

"Yeah sorry I was –"

"I don't need your excuses young lady. I need you to get here on time. Let's go."

He kept his eyes focused straight ahead as he held the keys out to her.

She sighed, mentally cursing Mike for being an asshole, and snatched the keys.

They travelled to the hospital in silence, Naomi following Mr Walker's lead and staying quiet. She pulled up at the front of the hospital and he got out slowly, then leaned back in to the open door.

"Back here in exactly one hour. Don't be late."

With that he slammed the door and walked away.

"Fucking hell," she said to the empty car.

This wasn't what she had in mind when she decided the start volunteering again. Driving around a grumpy old prick. She wasn't a people person. She could organise a rally or write angry letters but she wasn't great at dealing with people. They mostly annoyed her. Mr Walker seemed to be no exception.

She drove into the car park and cut the engine. She'd decided she was going to stay rather than drive home and back again. She had a lot of college work to catch up on anyway.

Not that she ended up doing any of it. Her mind was filled with Emily, like a song that gets stuck in your head. And Naomi realised that Emily had been stuck in her head since she'd met the redhead. One scene from the summer kept replaying in her mind – the two of them lying in the park watching the sun go down.

It was on the last day of the food and wine festival and Emily had forced Naomi to go, because despite her petite frame, the redhead loved food and could fit a surprisingly large amount of it in her stomach. Naomi reluctantly agreed to go, and ended up having a good time, which she secretly knew she would. She always enjoyed herself when Emily was around. They tasted exotic foods from around the world and got boozy on wine, finally ending up collapsing on the grass in the park, the sun setting over the city. Emily groaned about being too full of food and Naomi laughed. Then she felt the heat of Emily next to her as Emily shift closer and a second later Emily's hand found hers. Naomi felt her heart hammer with panic. They were in a public park and not her bedroom and people might see. But it felt nice. So she smiled as Emily threaded their fingers together, because for once she told her head to shut the fuck up and gave in to what she felt.

She wished she couldn't do that more often.

-----x-----

Exactly one hour later Naomi pulled up to the hospital just as Mr Walker was coming out of the doors.

He opened the door and lowered himself into the seat with some effort.

"Thank you for being on time."

Naomi was confused. There was no anger, no sarcasm. He was smiling at her. She briefly entertained the idea that he was going to the hospital so often to have some kind of mood altering surgery. It was fucking weird.

"Um...you're welcome."

She pulled away from the hospital and began driving back.

After a few minutes Mr Walker cleared his throat.

"My wife is ill. I go in to visit her. I don't like to be late."

Ever socially awkward, Naomi wasn't sure what the appropriate response was, or if one was necessary at all. She was glad she had driving to concentrate on.

"We've been married for 53 years. Three kids, seven grandchildren. She's the love of my life."

Naomi thought how once that cliché would have made her cringe. Instead she looked at the road ahead and thought about how she wanted her life to look when she was 75. All she could see was Emily.

* * *

When Emily walked into the college grounds on Monday she was half relieved to see Anna waiting for her like always. Like things were normal...even though they were far from it. They hadn't spoken to each other since Saturday morning. Since Anna had revealed that she liked her and Emily had been dumbstruck, still reeling from the night before.

"_I take it from your silence and that terrified look on your face that you don't feel the same way?"_

_Anna's voice was light, trying to make a joke out of it. _

_Emily opened and closed her mouth, unsure of what to say. Anna looked down and shuffled her feet._

"_I don't know what I feel," Emily said honestly."__I__ didn't...I didn't know you..."_

"_And now that you do?" Anna lifted her head, a hopeful glint in her eye._

"_I don't know."_

_And it was the truth. Emily would be lying if she said that she'd never looked at her friend that way, and a part of her was attracted to Anna, but she'd been so focused on Naomi that she'd never given it much thought. She knew she didn't want Anna the way she wanted Naomi...but maybe that was a good thing. Because she wasn't going to let herself want _anyone _like that again. It would be easy to be with Anna. Anna was smart and funny and lovely, and didn't have half as many hang-ups as Naomi did._

"_So you need time?" Anna asked nervously. _

"_Yeah," she agreed. "That would be good."_

Now as Emily approached her she could see that Anna was smiling anxiously and her own stomach fluttered with nerves.

"Hey Emily. How was the rest of your weekend?"

Emily sighed with relief when she realised that Anna was going to play along and pretend that nothing had changed. They were friends first. Then she smiled widely, remembering the breakthrough with her parents.

"I actually finally came out to my parents..."

She saw Anna's face light up and felt a sense of pride.

"...And there was no yelling and screaming. My mum is struggling a little but she's trying."

Anna moved forward and pulled her into a hug.

"That's fantastic Emily. I'm so happy for you."

Emily hugged her back, enjoying being able to share the news with her friend. And as Anna's arms squeezed around her and she breathed in the faint vanilla smell of her blonde hair, Emily's mind flashed back to Friday night. When their hands and lips had been all over each other. A shiver ran down her spine at the memory.

Something had definitely shifted between them. Emily just wasn't sure what she wanted to do about it.

* * *

As usual Naomi hadn't been looking forward to going to college that morning. Seeing Emily. And it was strange, because Emily looked different. Naomi couldn't pinpoint how, or whether it was a good or bad thing. She was just different. And then in the corridor she overheard two boys talking about how they'd seen Emily and Anna making out at the party of Friday night. Then at the gate this morning.

Naomi's chest tightened and her stomach sank. She didn't know what to think. She knew what college rumours were like - she'd been the subject of many of them thanks to Katie Fitch. But if it was true it would have been after they had been together, because before that Naomi had been watching her like a stalker. Which meant that Emily had run from her right to Anna. She felt sick. She needed to find out if it was true. So against her better judgment she asked Effy, hoping she had heard the truth from Katie.

Effy sucked on her cigarette and shrugged her shoulders.

"I've only heard the rumours you have."

Naomi sighed with frustration.

Effy glanced at her with something close to sympathy.

"Anna likes Emily."

Naomi crossed her arms and scowled. "I fucking knew it."

"But Emily loves you."

She felt herself soften slightly. Emily had never told her she loved her but Naomi knew she did, hoped she did. It was nice to hear that Effy had seen it too.

"She also hates you."

That twisted in Naomi's gut. Pulled at her insides. She knew it was true. She knew she deserved it.

"I'm trying," she said simply.

Effy threw her cigarette onto the pavement.

"That's the hard part."

* * *

Emily left class to go to the bathroom, but got distracted when she walked past a window and spotted Cook outside. He was sitting on a bench in the courtyard area with his back leaning against the building, smoking a cigarette. She hadn't really spoken to Cook since the blow up outside the club with Naomi. He wasn't at college half the time and when he was he was with Effy and Naomi. She kind of hated him for what happened with Naomi. Hated that they still hung out. Maybe he could give her some insight. She wasn't sure if it was a good idea but she made her way over to him, realising as she got closer that it was a spliff he was smoking.

"Emilio," he greeted her as he saw her approaching. "Shouldn't you be in class?"

"Shouldn't you?" she countered, taking a seat next to him.

He laughed and offered the spliff, Emily shook her head.

"The sun's fucking shining innit. Can't be inside on a day like this. I need it to rejuvenate mate, like Superman."

She rolled her eyes but understood what he meant. The unseasonable heat of the sun felt nice on her skin.

"I should be pissed at you," he said after inhaling again. "Naomikins won't fuck me because of you."

She bristled at the mention of Naomi. "She'd probably be up for it now."

Cook laughed and shook his head.

"I'm already chasing one girl who loves somebody else, I don't need another one."

Emily tried to ignore the way her stomach flipped at his implication that Naomi loved her.

"Why do you do it Cook? You know she doesn't love you. You know she'll end up kicking the shit out of you."

She could feel her anger building. She knew she was being unkind. She knew she wasn't just talking about Cook and Effy.

Cook stared at her hard. She couldn't read his expression.

"Naomi's not like Effy," he replied with a cloud of smoke, looking back out to the courtyard. "Don't give up on her."

Emily laughed bitterly. "She's the one who gave up on me."

Cook's trademark smirk crept across his face and he turned to look her in the eye.

"You see that's where you're wrong Emilio...That's why your Blondie isn't like Effy...She'll never give up on you."

Emily tried not to let herself hope that Cook was right.

* * *

Naomi was walking down the college corridor on her way to the bathroom when she felt someone grab her from behind and spin her around, then push her back into the lockers. She saw red.

Emily.

Emily was pressed up against her and Emily's soft lips were kissing hers, her hot tongue in her mouth. She could feel the redhead's heart thumping wildly and knew hers was matching. One delicate hand wrapped itself around her neck while the other slid under her shirt to the small of her back. Naomi felt a heat spread through her body and settle in her centre. Emily was everywhere. She slid both hands down the length of Emily's back to rest on her ass, pulling her in closer. And for once she didn't care about where they were or if people could see them. Because Emily was kissing her like she was suffocating and Naomi was her oxygen.

After a moment Emily pulled away from the kiss but kept their bodies flush, resting her forehead against Naomi's as they caught their breath, both of them keeping their eyes closed.

Naomi's mind flooded with questions. She wanted to ask what this meant. What had happened with Anna. To know what Emily was feeling. She couldn't stop herself hoping that this meant that Emily would wait for her.

But she wasn't expecting what Emily said next.

* * *

Emily told herself that she was doing it because she was angry. Because she wanted to punish Naomi for how she'd treated her. Fuck with Naomi's heart the way Naomi had fucked with hers. That's what she told herself when she grabbed the blonde from behind, slammed her against the lockers roughly and kissed her. Consumed her. She let her hands wander over Naomi's firm body. Felt the warmth of her skin and the goosebumps her touch created. She could feel Naomi's heart beating in time with hers. She wanted Naomi to know what it was like to feel these things and then have them thrown in your face.

So when she pulled away from the kiss she looked into those blue eyes and said what she knew would hurt Naomi.

"I kissed Anna."

* * *

Naomi didn't realise she had been holding her breath until her body coughed for air. Her stomach was a tight fist. She took in Emily's sadistic smile and then pushed the redhead off her. Emily stumbled back but kept her feet. They stared hard at each other. She looked into Emily's eyes, searching for something to hold on to. They were so dark, so angry and bitter.

Anyone else would have been fooled by them.

But Naomi could see Emily, had always been able to see her heart. And right now there was the slightest sliver of light. Hope. Love. She had to hold onto that.

"Do you like her?"

She knew she sounded pathetic asking. Knew she was playing in to Emily's game. But she couldn't help herself.

Emily raised an eyebrow as her smile widened. "She's pretty fucking sexy don't you think? That tight bum, perky tits."

She knew why Emily was doing this. She was trying to torture her.

"So you want to fuck her is that it?"

"Maybe I do."

Naomi winced at the words. Emily may as well have been punching her in the stomach.

With one last menacing look Emily turned and walked away.

Naomi took a deep breath. DEspite everything she knew that Emily couldn't have kissed her the way she did if she didn't still care. She knew what she'd seen in those brown eyes. She had to hold onto that.

She hoped it was enough.

* * *

As she walked away Emily realised that she wasn't just punishing Naomi...she was punishing herself. Because Naomi was what she wanted – no matter how much she wished she didn't. It was all well and good for her to tell herself not to care anymore. To tell herself not to love Naomi. But that didn't mean she could. All her life she'd been unable to tell her heart what to do. She wished that she could forget the way Naomi's skin felt like silk against her fingers. The way the blonde's mere touch set off explosions in her. But she couldn't.

At first it had felt good to watch Naomi hurt. Her eyes glass over with tears. To see the look on Naomi's face as she said she wanted to fuck Anna. And Emily hadn't even realised it wasn't true until she said the words. And she'd never told a bigger lie in her life. Because the only person she wanted to fuck was Naomi.

And she hated herself a little for it.

* * *

**Sigh...I'm really not happy with Emily's coming out scene. I debated not including it because I don't think my writing is good enough to do it justice but it didn't feel right to leave it out and gloss over it...oh well...just know I wanted it to be better!**

**And I never liked the thought of Jenna being completely homophobic. I always thought it was more fear, ignorance and concern for her daughter that drove her behaviour. So that's why I wrote her like that.**

**Song for this chapter is 'Eve, The Apple of My Eye' by Bell x1...gah...love...**

**Leave a review and let me know what ya think! :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: MASSIVE lols at ****lumagoo1015 for including 'Australia says no' in a review! That is one of my favourite comebacks to **_**any**_** situation (seriously try it, it's hilarious) – so I laughed my ass off when I read that! And glad you like the music...I'm kind of (massively) obsessed...**

**And Circ – I get all squishy and fangirl when I read your reviews *blushes* and since the FF site is shit I'm just going to assume that 14 million people are reading this...that seems realistic...er...right...?**

**I had the best nap today...thought I'd share that...anyways, enjoy peeps...**

* * *

"Fuck Emily, hurry up!"

Emily sighed and rolled her eyes at her twin, losing place in her book again. They may have been getting along better lately but her sister was still an impatient bitch.

"Relax Katie. It's just fucking lunch. We can go in a few minutes when I finish this chapter." She wiggled the book for effect.

Katie moved to stand at the foot of her bed, hand on hips.

"Yeah well, I'm fucking starving. And your girlfriend's waiting. Let's go."

Emily slammed her book shut.

"Anna's not my girlfriend."

Katie scoffed in that obnoxious way she does.

"Yeah well something's going on with you two. She looks at you like she wants to eat you..." she scrunched her face. "Ew, not in _that_ way."

Emily shook her head.

Things with Anna had been...tense. They were still hanging out a lot as friends and Anna was respecting Emily's request for time. At first it was easy for Emily to ignore Anna's feelings for her and just enjoy hanging out. And Katie or Panda or JJ joined them most of the time now – it was rarely just the two of them.

And her head was still wrapped up in Naomi, who seemed to have disappeared. Emily wondered what the fuck the blonde was doing – if she really was figuring herself out or if she was just simply moving on. The question drove her crazy. She thought about that kiss against the lockers and the way Naomi had kissed her back and grabbed for her hungrily. The way the tips of Naomi's fingers pressed into her skin like she never wanted to let go. Her blue eyes blazing with not just lust but something deeper, warmer. Emily wondered if she'd taken it too far – flaunting Anna's interest. Maybe Naomi _had_ given up. She remembered how adamant Cook had been that the blonde would never give up on her. She just wished she could be that sure.

So she distracted herself with college and going out and books. And after a week or so she started to notice the subtle changes in Anna's behaviour towards her. The way that Anna would gaze at her body when she thought Emily wasn't looking. Or the countless times her eyes would flick down to Emily's lips during a conversation. The fact that she had stopped being so physically affectionate with her previously innocent touches.

And Emily was a little surprised to find herself sneaking glances at Anna. The way her bum looked in her jeans. The flash of skin when she leant over. The curve of her lips. She thought about it – she couldn't help it, it was human nature. She wondered what it would be like to be with Anna. Anna who was so easy to be around and fun and smart and beautiful. Emily was definitely attracted to her. And even her mum had enjoyed meeting her at dinner. Katie liked her. It would just be so much easier.

But there was a big Naomi shaped block in her brain and she didn't seem to be able to move it.

"We're just _friends_," Emily repeated for the millionth time to her sister.

Katie simply smirked. "Keep telling yourself that."

* * *

Mr Walker was actually kind of awesome...not that Naomi would ever admit it.

She'd secretly started to enjoy their car rides, finding that his mood the first time they met was an anomaly, and he was a pleasant and kind old man. He didn't even seem to mind her ever present scowl. She didn't talk during their trips, didn't need to because Mr Walker filled up any silence with his stories. And she fucking loves his stories. Like the time he and his wife Marion were in China in 1989 during the Tiananmen Square Massacre and got locked down in their hotel for four days. Or the tribe they lived with for six months in South America when they were working for Oxfam in the 70's. The elephants they helped rehabilitate in Thailand. The dolphins and sharks they swam with in the Great Barrier Reef.

He'd see something random outside the car window as they drove and it would jog another memory, another wild adventure.

Naomi loved hearing them. Imagining herself in those far corners of the earth that she so desperately wanted to experience. Not altogether surprised to find herself imagining a certain redhead standing beside her.

But they weren't always stories filled with political intrigue, humanitarian work or intrepid journeys. He also recounted the story of how he and Marion had met, (It was in 1955 in London where he lived and she was visiting a cousin who happened to be his neighbour. He said it was love at first sight but didn't propose for almost two years. _What took so fucking long?_, Naomi had thought teasingly.) He told her about the time their first born, Audrey, graduated from University and how proud they had been watching her collect her diploma. And he rambled on about his grandchildren, (a couple of them sounded like right little assholes to Naomi).

He was a wise and quick witted old man and Naomi admired him. He'd lived the kind of full life that she hoped she would.

And after hearing these stories three days a week for three weeks Naomi felt like she knew the whole family. She almost felt like she was a part of it. She figured that since her dad had fucked off and her mum's father was dead, Mr Walker was as close to a grandfather as she'd get. So when he forgot the flowers that he'd brought in the backseat of the car, she decided to go in and drop them off. And that's when Naomi realised that he'd never told her what was wrong with Mrs Walker, why she was in the hospital. She told herself it must not be too bad because he never seemed too worried or shaken by it.

She wondered through to the reception area, unsure of where she was headed, scrunching her nose as the sterilized smell invaded her senses. She hated hospitals. She'd spent far too long in them for her liking when she had her appendix out when she was fourteen.

"Hi," she said politely to the receptionist. "I was looking for a patient. Mrs Walker...Marion Walker" she added, realising Walker was a common surname. She wondered if she would be asked for some sort of ID to check she was family. Or maybe the woman would assume she was just delivering the flowers.

But the woman didn't ask any questions and tapped away at her computer for a minute then looked up.

"She's in the oncology ward on level three, room 214."

Naomi's breath hitched.

Cancer.

Mrs Walker had fucking cancer.

She mumbled her thanks and made her way to the elevators and up to level three, trying to focus her whirring brain. Cancer. It was glowing in her head like a neon fucking sign. In the back of her mind she'd figured that Mrs Walker must have been pretty sick to be in hospital for so long, but the hopeful part of her wanted to believe it wasn't that bad. Like a hip replacement or something. Not fucking cancer. _Maybe it's not that bad, maybe they can cure her_, she repeated to herself over and over.

She walked through the winding corridors to the oncology unit. Passed the rooms filled with sick people. Dying people. She didn't like being there, surrounded by examples of how fragile life is, how easy we can fucking break. She found herself in front of Mrs Walker's door and paused. Suddenly she wondered what the fuck she was doing there. Maybe Mr Walker hadn't told her what was wrong because he didn't want her to know. Maybe he'd be pissed at her just showing up.

She was still standing there like a moron berating herself and trying to decide what to do when she heard someone behind her.

"Naomi?"

She turned and smiled nervously at Mr Walker. He didn't look upset. In fact he looked happy to see her. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Ah, I see you brought me the flowers I forgot. Thank you."

She handed them over and stood there awkwardly.

"Well would you like to come in?" Mr Walker offered. "I know you've got college work to do but..."

"Okay," she replied quickly.

And she surprised herself with how nervously excited she was to meet Mrs Walker.

Mr Walker beamed back at her and she followed behind him into the room.

The first thing Naomi noticed were all the machines and cables in the room. Humming and beeping. They seemed to swallow everything else, including the old woman surrounded by them. Naomi stepped into the room tentatively, feeling a little like she was intruding. She brought her focus to the woman lying in the bed. Something tightened in her chest. In all the stories Mr Walker had told her Mrs Walker didn't look like this. A frail and sick old lady. Thin and pale, a map of blue veins visible beneath her translucent skin.

Naomi swallowed hard. Swallowed down everything she was feeling. It was too much.

Mr Walker seemed to be staring out the window, lost in thought and completely oblivious to her visitors.

"Marion love," Mr Walker called gently as he sat next to her.

Naomi watched him take her hand tenderly and had to clench her jaw a little tighter. They didn't deserve this. Maybe they were going to make her better and then they could keep on loving each other and making memories that he could tell her in the car. Maybe things would work out because they loved each other that much. She'd thought all that true love stuff was bollocks until she met Mr Walker. Maybe it did conquer all. Maybe they'd get a happily ever after.

"This is Naomi," he continued. "The young lass who drives me in to see you."

Mrs Walker turned to her and Naomi immediately recognised that something was wrong. Her eyes seemed vacant. Like she was looking around but not actually seeing anything. _Probably the medication_, she thought.

"Hello," Naomi said politely, taking a few more small steps into the room.

Mrs Walker smiled and Naomi thought how stunning she would have been when she was younger, when those bright blue eyes would have been vibrant and alert.

"You look like my daughter Audrey," Mrs Walker said fondly. "She's beautiful like you."

Naomi smiled bashfully and looked at her feet. She'd never really had a grandmother either. She had to force herself not to get too excited at the thought of being part of their family.

"She'll be about your age now."

Naomi's head snapped up. That wasn't right. Her eyebrows knitted with confusion. From the stories she'd been told Audrey had to be in her fifties. She looked to Mr Walker.

"She has advanced Alzheimer's," he said softly, only taking his gaze off his wife for a second. His smile stayed fixed in place but Naomi saw his eyes darken. Saw the sadness in them.

She followed his gaze back to Mrs Walker and found her staring blankly. Her face was expressionless, like her personality had been wiped clean.

"When is my husband getting here?"

Naomi's eyes flicked back to Mr Walker, he was still holding his stoic smile.

She felt something rising in her. Something she couldn't swallow any longer. She needed to get out of there. She took a step back. She couldn't breathe. All she could hear was the thump of her blood pumping.

"I need...I mean..." she stammered, trying to focus her eyes on something else. She said the first thing that came to her. "I forgot I needed to make a call. I have to go."

She could tell Mr Walker knew she was shaken but he just smiled and said he'd see her out the front soon. She said goodbye to them both over her shoulder as she left the room. She just kept walking and didn't stop until she was out of the hospital, until she was sitting in the car again. She leant forward and rested her head on the steering wheel as she tried to slow her breathing.

All those stories Mr Walker had told her on their drives.

Mrs Walker probably didn't remember any of it.

They'd had this marvellous and amazing life together and she couldn't remember it. She didn't even recognise him. Mr Walker remembered everything. Every detail of everything. Every trip they took, every birthday, every anniversary. And now he comes to sit next to the love of his life who doesn't know who he is.

That's why she didn't want to let herself fall in love. Because even if you don't fuck each other over life will. There is no happily ever after.

One way or another your heart gets fucking broken.

* * *

It didn't surprise Emily at all when Katie dashed off halfway through lunch because she'd seen a boy she'd flirted with last weekend and he'd asked her to go for coffee. But that left her and Anna in a very date-like situation, sitting across from each other in a cosy restaurant. Emily shifted in her seat uncomfortably. She hated this. She hated that they couldn't be relaxed and open with each other like they had since the moment they'd met.

"So," Anna drew the word out, acknowledging the obvious tension in the situation. "Is this like a date now?"

Emily's stiffened, her hand gripping her glass so tight she thought it might shatter.

"Because if it is you're totally paying."

A sneaky smile crept across Anna's face and Emily felt herself relax a little and let go of the glass. She was glad that Anna was using humour to diffuse the tension.

"Oh I don't think so" she replied playing along. "You're totally the guy."

Anna scoffed and crossed her arms. "How do you figure that? You're the one wearing pants. I'm wearing a skirt."

Emily dismissed the claim with a shake of her head. "But you're taller than me."

Anna scrunched her nose. "Emily _everyone_ is taller than you. You're pocket sized! You'd never have to buy a meal your whole life if that was the rule."

"That's fine by me," Emily said with a cheeky grin.

And after that everything was okay again. They chatted and giggled their way through the rest of lunch and then went shopping, trawling through music shops and scouring bookstores. Emily made fun of every bubblegum pop CD Anna picked up, and Anna raised her arms triumphantly and laughed in Emily's ashamed fame when they browsed through the classics section of the bookstore and counted who had read the most. By the end of the day Emily's belly was sore from all the food and coffee and cake and laughter. It was back to being easy and fun. Laughing and making fun of each other.

It occurred to Emily that maybe this was _flirting_. And it surprised her to find that it felt okay. It felt good. It surprised her even more when she realised that she had barely thought of Naomi all day. She wondered if maybe that meant something. Maybe she did have feelings for Anna. Maybe they could be good together. She tried not to think about it too much, preferring to stay out of her head and just enjoy herself. But then when Anna touched her playfully a couple of times throughout the afternoon Emily felt that ripple of excitement through her body.

For the first time in months she didn't feel miserable.

* * *

Naomi pulled the car up to the hospital on time as usual and Mr Walker was there waiting like he always was. Smiling like nothing had happened. Like he was happy.

"Thanks love," he said as he lowered himself into the seat slowly.

Naomi was thankful that she needn't reply. She didn't trust her voice.

She'd sat in the car for what was left of the hour and tried not to cry as she thought about how horrible everything was. How sad it was that Mrs Walker had Alzheimer's _and_ cancer. And that Mr Walker loved her so much.

They drove in silence for a few minutes, until Mr Walker finally spoke.

"A few years ago she started forgetting where she put things..."

Naomi gripped the steering wheel tighter.

"Then she started asking questions I'd already given her the answer to a couple of times."

Her knuckles were white.

"I wanted to think it was nothing but when our son Harry came to visit a year ago she didn't know who he was."

She took a deep breath.

"It's gotten worse these last few months...with the cancer medications...bowel cancer...they think she might have a few months."

And then Naomi couldn't hold herself together anymore, darting the car over to the side of the road and cutting the engine. She could feel Mr Walker's shock and confusion. She'd barely spoken to him these few weeks and here she was about to have some sort of breakdown. She sat there for a moment with her head in her hands, feeling the tears pooling in her eyes. And then she finally let herself break down sobbing.

A moment later she felt a hand rubbing her back.

"It's okay Naomi."

"No it's not," she sobbed, wiping her nose and feeling like a child. "Life is fucking shit. You and Mrs Walker got fucked over. My Mum got fucked over by my dad. I fucked Emily over. Everything just ends up shit. Why do people even bother?"

This is what she was so terrified of. Completely opening herself up to someone and then having it all turn to shit like it had with Mr and Mrs Walker...or being crushed like her mum...or hurting the other person like she had with Emily. Wasn't it just better to be alone so that no one could ever hurt you.

She tried to pull herself together, slowing her breathing and wiping her eyes, but she kept her head down, too embarrassed to have Mr Walker see her face.

She heard Mr Walker sigh.

"That sounds like a lot of fucking."

She whipped her head up. Naomi had never heard him say anything close to a swear word before. And he was making a joke. After all of this he was making a fucking joke.

"I don't feel sorry for myself Naomi, and you shouldn't either. I've had a good life. A damn good life. I married the woman I love, raised three brilliant children and travelled the world doing what I love...That's worth far more than any of...this now. I'd live through this a million times if it meant I got to be with my Marion."

She felt his cold hand cover hers.

"We _bother_ because if we don't we may as well not be alive."

Naomi took in his words and blinked hard. He spoke with the conviction of a man without any doubts.

"Now who's this Emily girl?"

She smiled and glanced down, surprised that she actually felt like telling Mr Walker about Emily, but still feeling awkward about it. His favourite grandchild was gay so she knew that wouldn't be an issue. She'd just never talked about Emily so openly. Not with Effy or Cook or her mum.

"She's...well..." Naomi didn't have the words to describe Emily. She only had her feelings.

"You love her?"

She didn't think before nodding her head. "Yeah...I do."

And she realised that it was the first time she had ever admitted it to anybody. Even herself. It felt good to admit it. It felt right.

"So then what's the problem?"

* * *

Anna and Emily returned to Anna's house in the evening with shopping bags in tow. Emily was smiling widely. She'd had an excellent day. A day without drama and angst and tears. And Anna had a lot to do with that.

They bypassed Anna's cousin and his friends downstairs, headed up to Anna's room and threw their tired bodies on the bed.

They lay on their backs in silence for a minute and Emily closed her eyes, enjoying the relief after a long day on her feet. After a moment she felt Anna shift the slightest bit closer. She was suddenly startling aware of how close their bodies were. She could feel the heat of Anna's body next to hers. An anxious knot tightened in her stomach and her heart raced. She concentrated on keeping her body still as thoughts bounced around her head like a pinball machine. Could Anna feel how tense her body was? Was Anna going to kiss her? Did she want Anna to kiss her?

All those questions were answered when she felt Anna moving next to her, and then she opened her eyes and Anna's face was hovering over hers. She was lying on her side, propped up on her elbow.

Emily could feel her heart thumping. She looked into Anna's green eyes, now dark with desire. Anna looked down to her lips and then licked her own.

"Emily..." she breathed before closing the gap and brushing her lips against the redheads.

Emily felt her stomach flutter. It wasn't aggressive or forceful, more like an invitation. After a second she felt Anna pull back and se opened her eyes to see Anna watching her face for a reaction.

"I can't," Emily whispered. She closed her eyes unable to look at her disappointed face and took a deep breath as Anna moved away from her.

Emily sat herself up to face Anna.

"It's just –"

"Naomi," Anna said knowingly.

Emily nodded. The two of them hadn't spoken about the blonde much, just the brief highlights of their history. Emily had wanted at least one thing in her life to be separate from Naomi, have one aspect of her life that wasn't affected by her...but now she realised nothing ever could be.

They fell into a tense silence. She wasn't sure what to say, she didn't want to hurt her friend.

"Do you think there ever _won't_ be Naomi?"

Emily didn't know the answer to that question. She wanted to believe they would get back together...but she also knew she couldn't let her heart dangle for much longer. Something had to break.

"I don't know."

"Okay," Anna said simply.

Emily fidgeted with the hem of her top. "Do you...think we can still be friends?"

She knew how cliché it sounded but she desperately wanted to keep her friendship with Anna. She didn't want that to be another casualty of her complicated love life.

Anna smiled wistfully. "I hope so...I think I just need some time...maybe we shouldn't hang out for a little while."

Emily was saddened by the thought but she understood. She'd rather miss her friend for a while than lose her altogether.

Anna cleared her throat. "So why can't you two figure it out?"

Emily smiled ruefully. She'd asked herself that question every day.

"Um...are you sure you want to talk about this?"

Anna rolled her eyes and smiled. "I'm a big girl Emily. I'll be okay. So tell me what the problem is."

The redhead exhaled an exasperated breath. "I think she's scared."

"Of?"

"Everything."

Her frustrated reply was a little louder and angrier than she'd intended to. She checked herself and lowered her voice.

"She says she needs to figure herself out. I think she's scared of being with a girl. Of people finding out and what they'll think."

Anna's face scrunched. "Do you really think that's true?"

"Yeah," she replied, feeling a little uncertain now that it had been questioned.

"You love her don't you?"

Emily felt weird admitting it to her given Anna's feelings so she nodded her head reluctantly.

"Then you should tell her that."

* * *

Naomi checked her reflection in the window before going in to her house. She wanted to make sure that there was no way her mum could tell she had been crying.

She unlocked the door and walked in, hearing her mum calling out to her almost immediately. She moved into the kitchen and saw her mum sitting at the table surrounded by pieces of paper.

Her mum looked up and grimaced. "Bills." Her face softened. "What have you been crying about?"

Naomi rolled her eyes. She should have known her mum would just _know_. She moved over to the table and took a seat, biting her lip in concentration.

"Mum do you...do you regret falling in love with dad?"

"Course not," her mum said quickly, then looked at Naomi with surprise.

Naomi's hadn't spoken to her mum, or anyone for that matter, about her dad since she was little. Her mum had tried a few times but Naomi always told her to get to fuck. She didn't like the feelings that talking about him brought up in her. Like the swirling stomach and racing heart she could feel now.

"But...I mean...don't you wish you hadn't gotten your heart broken?"

Her mum frowned. "Well it was no fucking walk in the park and I felt like shit for months but...I got you didn't I."

Naomi smiled to herself.

"And I got to be in love."

She looked to her mum questioningly.

"That wanky stuff about it being better to have loved and lost? Turns out it's actually fucking true..."

Naomi rolled her eyes at her sentimental old mum.

"They call it _falling_ in love for a reason Naomi. Because there's always a risk. But if I know anything in this world it's that Emily is definitely worth it."

Naomi locked eyes with her mum and smiled, finally knowing without a doubt that she was right.

* * *

**You know what this means....HAPPY COMING! :P**

**Ummmm...looks like I got a little notebook-ish with Mr and Mrs Walker there...I'm not obsessed with that movie...really...mmm ryan gosling...in the rain...wait what shut up...**

**Music:**

'**After the Storm' by Mumford and Sons... gah, **_**so beautiful**_**...**

'**Turn and Turn Again' by All Thieves...another fave...I imagine this in the background when Naomi is crying in the car with Mr Walker.**

'**Love Will Come Through' by Travis...one of my fave songs ever...Emily waiting for Naomi...**

**Jägerbombs ****for all you reviewers! I know a lot of writers offer baked goods but pfft...let's get drunk!...and if you're underage...shhhhh...don't tell your parentals...**


	13. Chapter 13

**I hope you all got suitably drunk on** **Jägerbombs and made out with inappropriate people...sigh...man I miss being single sometimes...er...not that I ever did that...ahem...and **

**lumagoo1015 I'm sorry about your cat...I hope this makes you smile...and the rest of you guys too...**

**

* * *

**

Naomi had never before freaked out about what she was going to wear like she was freaking out now. Her entire wardrobe was thrown about her room as she dismissed tops and skirts and pants and jackets. She was meeting Emily soon and she wanted to look perfect. Needed to look perfect. She knew it was irrational, knew Emily probably wouldn't care, but some crazy part of her brain thought that if she just looked perfect everything else would be perfect and she'd get Emily back. She knew it made no sense, but she needed something to focus on other than the terrible knot of anxiety in her stomach.

After the talk with her mum last night she had gone up to her room and crawled into bed, staring at her phone...for the better part of three hours. She'd made her decision – she was going to tell Emily how she felt about her. The thought scared the fuck out of her but it was also thrilling. And it was about time. Of all the things she envied about Mr Walker's life, (his globetrotting, his humanitarian work), she realised the love he shared with Mrs Walker was what she wanted for herself the most. She tried to draw a picture in her mind of what it would be like to grow old with Emily, the two of them raising children and then spoiling grandchildren. She wanted to do all that other stuff she'd always dreamed about; university, travelling, lots of carefree passionate sex..._lots_...but doing it all with Emily was what she wanted most. If she could have that with Emily, she'd be able to say she lived a happy life.

But first she needed to get Emily to agree to see her. They hadn't spoken and had barely looked at each other since that kiss at the lockers. She didn't know what the fuck she was going to do. Should she ring Emily? _No_, she'd decided after the first hour of staring at her phone, a text would be safer. So the next hour was spent wording the message. She was finally satisfied with:

**Can we meet for coffee tomorrow? I need to speak to you. 2pm at the usual place? xo**

She'd deliberated over the xo's alone for at least twenty minutes, finally deciding they were affectionate without revealing too much. Then she spent the next half hour with her finger hovering over the send button. She couldn't stop doubting herself. Maybe Emily really had moved on with Anna. Maybe she'd missed her chance. After arguing back and forth with herself she finally told herself to shut the fuck up and pressed the send button. She didn't want to live with maybe's...she needed to be sure. She needed Emily to know how she felt about her. She needed to give that future she wanted a chance.

It had taken Emily almost twenty minutes to respond and Naomi hadn't managed to pry her nervous eyes off her phone the entire time as she waited. Relief and fear gripped her as the phone lit up with the redhead's reply. She held her breath as she opened and read the message.

**Okay.**

That was it. That's all she'd written. So obviously Emily wasn't giving anything away but Naomi couldn't let herself dwell on it. Emily had agreed to meet her and that's all that mattered.

So now she stood in front of her wardrobe wrapped in a towel, and finally common sense kicked in and she realised that her clothes weren't going to make Emily love her suddenly. It didn't matter what she wore – if Emily loved her she loved her, and if she didn't she didn't. It would hurt like fuck but there was nothing Naomi could do about it now.

She dug her black jeans, a white singlet top and a red cropped cardigan out of the pile on her floor and changed. She knew the redhead liked her wearing them...it wouldn't hurt if Emily thought she looked hot.

* * *

Emily had been lying on her bed thinking about how fucked up her life had become when her phone lit up with a message. She'd opened it thoughtlessly, expecting it to be from Katie or JJ or even Anna. After their kissing situation and eventual tense conversation Emily had walked home debating whether she'd done the right thing in rejecting Anna. She was so fucking sick of doubting herself. Maybe she should have gone for it with Anna...except that when Anna had kissed her all Emily could think about was Naomi. She felt like she was cheating on her...even though she knew the thought was ridiculous. Still, the undeniable fact was that Anna didn't make her body burn like Naomi did. Her kiss didn't make her forget the world existed. It crossed her mind again that maybe that was a good thing.

It was all driving her fucking crazy.

She definitely wasn't expecting to see Naomi's name when she opened the message. Her breath hitched and her heart raced. Naomi wanted to meet her. She needed to talk to her.

What the fuck about?

The message didn't give any indication as to what she needed to speak to her about or whether it was good or bad. Emily held her phone away from her like it was carrying something infectious. Surely if it was good there would be a bit more emotion...but then again Naomi wasn't exactly _'Miss Emotional'_. But there _were_ x's and o's...Emily spent almost twenty minutes arguing in her head whether that meant something or if it was just habit.

After another fifteen minutes she pressed send on her one worded reply. It was simple and didn't give anything away, much like Naomi's message.

She'd spent the night tense with nerves, snapping at a _mostly_ undeserving Katie and a very deserving James. Even her sleep was anxious and fretful. By the time she'd fallen asleep her alarm was about to go off.

And now she was standing around the corner from the cafe trying to calm herself. She was late...very late...but she couldn't force her legs to move. She had no logical reason but she felt that whatever this was awaiting her it was a big moment. Life defining. She was terrified. Her hands were shaking, and not from the cold. What if Naomi was going to tell her it was over for good and she didn't want to be with her. Emily didn't think she could handle it if that was what this is. But surely you wouldn't need to have coffee to say that to someone.

She took a deep breath and forced her legs to move. She needed to know either way.

* * *

Naomi had been waiting in the cafe for twenty three minutes and forty-nine seconds, glancing anxiously between the door and the clock on the wall, feeling every second go by painfully with no sign of Emily. Of course she wouldn't show – Emily didn't owe her anything. She had moved on...she had Anna now. That stupid bitch with annoyingly bright green eyes. Naomi had fucked up too many times. She knew it was wishful thinking to hope that she'd get another chance.

She'd ordered a coffee to give herself something to do but her anxious stomach wouldn't let her drink it, so she played with the spoon, swirling the liquid around absentmindedly. She was debating how long she should sit there like an isiot when she felt a shiver run down her spine and her heart leapt. She knew what that feeling meant. She looked up just as the redhead came in to view, walking around the corner and then through the cafe door. Naomi couldn't stop the smile breaking across her face as her heart swelled.

Emily was right there.

The redhead spotted her in the corner and smiled tightly as she made her way over and took her seat.

_So...not exactly thrilled to see me_, Naomi thought, _but at least she came._

"Hi," she said shakily, her nerves threatening to get the better of her.

"Hey," Emily replied stiffly.

Naomi started to panic as she noticed the redhead glancing around the room and sitting back in her chair away from her.

"I thought maybe you decided not to come," she mumbled, keeping her eyes down as her fingers fidgeted with a sugar packet.

"Sorry...I got caught up."

They sat in silence for a moment, both avoiding eye contact. Naomi's heart was pounding in her chest, her breathing shallow. She had to do this. The thought of Emily rejecting her was terrifying but now the thought of losing Emily completely was a far worse fate.

There were so many things to say so she decided to start at the beginning.

* * *

"My dad is an asshole."

Emily's eyebrows rose in surprise. Naomi _never_ talked about her dad. Never not once. And Emily had never asked. She had gleaned very little from the late night conversations she'd had with Gina over the summer while Naomi was fast asleep upstairs. All she knew was that he left when Naomi was young and never came back.

All her previous thoughts and anxieties about the reason for their meeting were forgotten. She watched Naomi take a deep breath, and followed the blonde's gaze to the sugar packet she was playing with. Emily could see her hands were shaking and it killed her a little. She knew how Naomi felt about public displays of affection but she couldn't stop herself from reaching over and placing a comforting hand over the blonde's.

To her surprise Naomi didn't flinch away. Instead she lifted her gaze and met her brown eyes. Emily's chest tightened, she'd never seen Naomi look so vulnerable before, so open. Those blue eyes no longer clouded with doubt. Something in Emily was screaming at her to throw her arms around the blonde and never let go. It didn't seem appropriate so she settled for squeezing her hand tighter.

"I didn't always know he was an asshole though," Naomi continued. "I guess I used to idolise him. I thought maybe he had some dangerous job or was in witness protection or something and that's why he didn't write or call. It wasn't because he _chose_ to leave. And then when I was a bit older I made excuses for him. They were young when mum got pregnant and maybe he couldn't handle it...or maybe he was just one of those guys who didn't want kids..."

Naomi scoffed.

"...I was stupid."

She slid her hands out from underneath Emily's and wiped the tear that was making a run for it down her cheek.

Emily's heart was still pounding in her chest, her stomach knotted. The image of a young Naomi, all messy blonde curls and long limbs, waiting for her dad was heartbreaking. But in spite of it Emily couldn't help hoping that this was the start of something. Naomi wasn't hiding anymore.

"Then when I was twelve he came back... just knocked on the door one morning. I was so excited, I thought he'd come back to make us a family again. I thought it was the greatest day of my life. My dad coming back and then that day at school I met a shy little twin who made my stomach feel funny."

The confession made Emily's stomach feel funny. She caught Naomi's eye and smiled. It was a mere second that their eyes were locked but Emily had seen something change. Naomi's walls were crumbling down.

A second later the blonde looked away and Emily watched her expression darken.

"But it was all fucking bullshit. I found out later that night that he was here to get their divorce papers signed. He was getting married to some other woman. They were going to have a baby."

Naomi almost choked out the last words and Emily couldn't stop her own eyes from watering, wiping at a stray tear on her cheek.

"Turns out he did want a kid...just not me."

Emily bit her lip in an effort to stop herself from crying. Naomi wiped a tear from her eye and took a deep breath to regain her composure.

"I used to think that love broke people...held them back you know...made them dependent and weak. That's why I was so scared of you...of us...but now I know that's not true. Love doesn't make you weak it makes you strong. It makes you better. You taught me that Emily. You make me better."

Emily's head was spinning, her heart racing. It was everything she had ever wanted to hear Naomi say, everything she'd never thought she would. She was even more shocked then when the blonde suddenly leant forward, reaching out and grasping both her hands.

"I know I can be a fucking twat. And I'm shit at this feelings stuff Em...talking about them. I don't trust people...I don't let them in...but...I trust you Emily..."

The moment they locked eyes Emily knew.

* * *

Naomi took a breath, and as she lost herself in those warm brown eyes she felt her heart slow to its normal rhythm. Emily's eyes were filled with the love and adoration that they used to hold, and she knew her own eyes were reflecting those same emotions. She would be okay as long as Emily kept looking at her like that.

"I love you Emily...I love you so fucking much."

She didn't care that they were in a crowded cafe and she didn't care about the small table separating them. Naomi stood and leaned over, cupping Emily's cheek in her palm for a second and then sliding her hand around to the back of her neck and pulling her closer. Emily licking her lips quickly was the last thing Naomi saw before she closed her eyes and their lips finally met. A bolt of electricity radiated through her body. She felt like she was kissing Emily for the first time. Because this was really her now. No walls, no bullshit. She'd told Emily the one thing she had never told anyone else. Let Emily see the part of her that nobody else got to see. And from the way Emily was kissing her back Naomi knew that it was okay.

After a moment Emily pulled back and glanced around the cafe, blushing.

"Everyone is looking," she whispered with amusement.

Naomi realised it must have been quite a sight; two young girls practically lunging at each other over their table. And she _should_ have cared, but she just kept staring into those brown eyes. Nothing else mattered.

"Do you want to get out of here?" she asked with a giddy smile.

Emily bit her lip and Naomi almost blacked out. The redhead grinned and nodded her head silently.

Naomi left some money for her coffee on the table as they stood, and then reached for Emily's hand and laced their fingers together. Emily looked up at her, surprise evident in her eyes, and Naomi just smiled reassuringly as if to say _this is the way it's going to be from now on_.

Holding hands through the streets of Bristol, Naomi was aware of a few people looking their way and knew Emily was too, but she didn't care enough to be bothered by it. Because the alternative would be _not_ holding Emily's hand and right now that thought was unbearable. So she squeezed the redhead's hand tighter.

They didn't talk at all as they walked the few minutes to Naomi's house. But that didn't feel odd. Naomi knew there were so many things to say...they were both just enjoying this quiet moment of being together. She couldn't stop herself from sneaking looks at Emily, but every time she did she was met with brown eyes. It seemed that Emily couldn't stop looking at her either. She could feel the excitement flowing through her.

Naomi wasn't sure what exactly they were going to do at her house. She knew what she wanted to do, and it involved both of them being naked for a few hours...but she also figured that it might be too soon for that. They should probably talk. She was aware that Emily hadn't said 'I love you' back, but tried not to dwell on it. She hadn't exactly given her enough time to in the cafe before she jumped her.

They climbed the few steps to her door and Naomi finally let go of Emily's hand to dig her keys out of her bag, instantly missing the warmth in her palm. She unlocked the door and then grabbed for Emily's hand again, pulling her into the house. Her plan was to drag her up to her room but she stopped suddenly, Emily bumping into her from behind and making an 'oomph' sound that Naomi found completely adorable.

"Sorry," the blonde said over her shoulder as Emily straightened up. "I just want to do something first."

Emily narrowed her eyes in confusion. "Okay," she said a little uncertainly.

Naomi was off again, tugging her through the house, her hand burning around Emily's.

* * *

Emily's mind was swirling, unable to fix on any one thought before another one pushed its way in. _Naomi loves me_, she repeated in her head and smiled to herself. The blonde had opened up to her and kissed her in front of everyone in the cafe and held her hand down the street. Showed everyone. But there was something else nagging at the redhead, something that wouldn't be pushed aside. She knew that things had changed between them, that Naomi had changed, but Emily was scared. The last few months had been horrible and those wounds wouldn't heal quickly. She was still apprehensive...worried that her heart would be crushed one more time. What if Naomi got scared again? She needed to learn how to trust her again. She had agreed to come back to Naomi's house because right now she needed to be close to her, but she wasn't ready for anything that involved taking clothes off. Not yet. She hoped that wasn't what Naomi had in mind.

She shuffled her feet quickly as Naomi pulled her through to the backyard. She watched as the blonde hastily glanced around before spotting her mum in the veggie patch. She had her back to them, seemingly undisturbed by their presence.

"Mum," Naomi called and Gina turned, eyeing the two of them suspiciously.

It was then that Emily looked down and realised that Naomi was still gripping her hand. _In front of her mum_. Naomi used to bat Emily's hand away when she even came close to touching her in front of Gina, even when it was innocent. It had been the catalyst for many an argument over the summer, Emily claiming that Gina _obviously_ knew they were together and could probably hear the noises they made at night, but Naomi always deflected it.

Now she was holding her hand and not letting go.

Gina was practically beaming at the two of them. Emily wanted to laugh – _she totally knew_.

"Yes love?" Gina asked teasingly.

Emily heard Naomi take a deep breath and then felt her hand being raised into the air.

"Emily is my girlfriend," Naomi said proudly, and Emily's heart swelled beyond what she thought was possible. Not because Naomi was telling her Gina, and that _was _important, but because Naomi had called her her girlfriend.

_Girlfriend_.

For the first time. Girlfriend. She was Naomi Campbell's girlfriend, a title she had wanted since she'd found out the smart blonde girl's name when they were twelve. Sedretly she wouldn't be happy until it was _wife_...but that might have to wait a while.

She looked to Naomi who was grinning like an idiot. "So yeah...we'll be in my room."

Emily felt herself being yanked away again and scrambled her feet to keep up as Naomi turned back into the house quickly. They moved quickly up the stairs and she hurried them into her room.

She finally released Emily's hand and the redhead took a second to look around Naomi's room. It was pretty much the same as the last time she'd been in there...only more clothes on every surface. Naomi seemed to notice this at the same time and smiled sheepishly, moving around her room and shaping them into one huge pile. Emily glanced at the bed and flushed with heat. All those nights and mornings and afternoons wrapped up in each other.

She looked around nervously...what were they going to do now?

* * *

Naomi bit her lip and looked at her feet. Her body was burning to touch Emily. To kiss her. Feel her. She longed to hear those whimpering noises that Emily makes. She ached for the way Emily would kiss her neck. But she also knew it was too soon. She could feel the charge in the room. Emily wasn't ready...they needed to talk. So she told her horny self to back the fuck up.

She looked up at Emily and smiled. "We should talk yeah?"

Emily exhaled with relief and nodded. Naomi though it best to avoid the temptation of her bed and settled herself on the carpet in front of it. Emily followed her lead and sat across from her, leaning against the bed, careful not to have any part of their bodies touching.

Things were suddenly very awkward.

"So." Naomi drew the word out and raised her eyebrows.

A playful smile teased Emily's mouth. "I'm your girlfriend huh? Isn't that something you're supposed to actually _ask _me before you announce it?"

"Well considering the way you were all over me earlier," Naomi smirked, "I figured it was a done deal."

Emily scoffed. "Oh really? You think you're such hot shit Campbell? You were the one all over me."

"Fine," Naomi sighed with feigned annoyance. She sat up properly. "Emily Fitch, will you be my girlfriend?"

And she found her smile disappearing as she looked at Emily with total sincerity. She wanted her to be her girlfriend. She wanted Emily to know she wanted her to be her girlfriend.

Emily face sobered as she felt the shift in tension. She bit her lip in concentration and Naomi was so turned on she had to force her body not to leap up and throw itself at the redhead. _This isn't the time_, she reprimanded herself. She realised she was still awaiting Emily's answer.

"I want to be," Emily said softly, "I'm just..." She trailed off.

Naomi knew what Emily was going to say. She'd known that it wouldn't be that easy to win her back.

"Scared," she finished for her.

Emily looked down and nodded. It killed Naomi that she had made her so unsure.

"It's not going to be like before," she promised, "_I'm_ not going to be like before."

She reached her hand out and placed it under Emily's chin, gently tipping her head back up.

"I love you Emily."

The words felt so right coming out of her mouth that she wondered why she didn't say them sooner. She was still a little scared herself, she knew that wouldn't go away overnight, but now it was the thought of _not_ being with Emily that hurt the most. That trumped everything.

"I know it'll take a while for you to trust me again. But I'll do anything."

As she said the words Naomi realised they were true. She would do anything for Emily Fitch.

"Even meet my parents?" Emily challenged, lifting an eyebrow.

Naomi grinned. "I will fly to _Scotland_ to meet_ your dad's _parents. I'll fly around the UK and meet your whole family."

"I have cousins in California," Emily added.

"Perfect. You know I love the sun. We can make a holiday out of it."

They grinned at each other for a moment before Emily's smile faded. "Really though Naomi, it can't be like it was."

Naomi reached over and held Emily's hand. "I told you," she said softly, "I'll do anything."

* * *

Emily wanted to believe Naomi. To believe that she would never intentionally hurt her again...but she wasn't there yet. She knew Naomi was being sincere, she could feel it in her touch, she could see it in those luminous blue eyes, but it wasn't enough yet. It would just take time. But that didn't mean they couldn't be together.

"Yes," she said after a moment of silence. "I'll be your girlfriend."

A smile stretched across Naomi's face and Emily felt her grip her hand tighter, shivering at the contact. She knew Naomi could feel it and was glad when she lifted her hand. They needed to go slow.

"But we still have a lot to talk about."

Naomi nodded.

So talk they did. For hours. Switching seating positions and lying down but always keeping a safe space between them. After an hour or so Gina knocked on the door and delivered some dinner and glasses of water but other than that they were undisturbed.

Emily went first, telling Naomi everything that she'd been feeling, going all the way back to when they'd first met nearly six years ago. She wasn't holding back anymore, wasn't afraid of being too much for Naomi. If this was going to work they needed to be honest with each other. She told her about Anna, watching her squirm on the spot and ultimately smile at Emily's revelation that it could only be her. She explained what had happened with JJ and why. She told her how she felt about Naomi opening up about her dad. She told Naomi that she wanted to be with her and wanted to trust her again. She still hadn't said she loved her...she wasn't ready for that yet. Naomi had to earn that.

Then it was Emily's turn to listen as Naomi finally told her what she was really feeling, what she had been feeling all these years. It surprised her to know that Naomi had felt this way about her for so long. Naomi expressed how miserable she'd felt when she thought Emily was dating Anna, and how she felt about what happened with JJ. Finally she told her about Mr Walker and their car rides, both of them fighting back tears as Naomi talked about Mrs Walker. She recounted her conversations with Mr Walker and Gina and how she had come to sit in that cafe waiting for her.

It was everything Emily had ever wanted – Naomi was finally being honest with her about what she was feeling, even if she didn't like it. Sharing her fears and anxieties. Emily knew without a doubt that everything would work out.

Before either of them realised it the sun had set and the neighbourhood had quietened.

"I should get home," Emily said as she stretched out her legs and yawned. She moved to stand but she felt Naomi grab her wrist.

"Stay."

Emily could feel the heat from the blonde's hand roaring through her body. It probably wasn't a good idea. She didn't think she had the strength to say no if Naomi initiated anything, and it was too early for that. Her heart raced at the suggestion and her eyes darted around nervously.

Naomi seemed to sense her uncertainty. "We don't have to do anything...I just want to wake up next to you."

Emily let out a breath. She didn't think Naomi had ever said anything sweeter.

She nodded her head and moved to the bed. Naomi seemed to understand that they would both be sleeping in their clothes, _safer that way_, Emily reasoned. They climbed into the bed from either side and lay facing each other. Naomi reached a hand out between them and traced the line of Emily's jaw. The redhead closed her eyes and sighed at the contact. She felt soft lips brush against her own.

"Goodnight Em," the blonde whispered.

Emily moved to get into her favourite sleeping position, turning on her opposite side and then shuffling back into Naomi, reaching for her hand and draping it across her own stomach. She felt Naomi sigh contentedly.

"Night," Emily whispered into the dark.

She could feel Naomi's heart beating rapidly against her shoulder and smiled. She knew that the blonde was desperately trying to control herself, barely moving her fingers over Emily's abdomen.

"I love you," Naomi said finally before kissing her shoulder.

It wasn't long before they'd relaxed into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

**Nawww...I think there's only one left...we'll see how we go...Naomi tackles the Fitch's next methinks...man...I want a Fitch hug from Rob...**

**Music:**

'Soldier' by Ingrid Michaelson...seriously, forget my boyfriend, Ingrid Michaelson's music is _**the love of my life! **_Go buy her CDs...don't illegally download because she's an indie artist...but yeah..._love_...

'First in Line' by Matthew Mayfield...just ridiculously lovely...and exactly what you want to hear from someone...

'Your Side Now' by Trent Dabbs...the girls talking it out...

'You've Got the Love' by Florence and the Machine...is there anyone who doesn't love this song...rhetorical question no there isn't...

'Inner Smile' by Texas...yet another fave...I challenge you to listen to this and _not_ smile...impossible!

**So peeps, how bout we go for strawberry daiquiris this time round? Class it up a bit...plus, the redbull keeps my heart beating like a bomb until 7am and I start to worry I'm having a heart attack even though I'm way too young and healthy...so please leave a review and then meet me in the bar...but one of you might have to throw me in a taxi later though...because fan fiction buddies take care of each other...I apologise in advance for embarrassing myself...it may involve karaoke is all I'm saying...**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Urgh...killer hangover...why did I think it was a good idea to _start _doing tequila shots at 3am...*shakes head*...it was probably all the vodka talking...**

**So, I think this is technically called fluff...with a bit of story...who cares...those crazy kids deserve it after what I put them through ;)**

**Also, just to be clear; the conversation Emily had with her parents at the dinner table in 309 happened in my story, but Naomi never went to Emily's house the day after and therefore never met Jenna...**

**Enjoy...**

* * *

Naomi blinked her eyes open slowly as they adjusted to the morning light. Even before anything came into focus the only thing she could see was red.

Emily. Her girlfriend Emily.

She smiled lazily at the sight. They hadn't moved from the position they had fallen asleep in, the only difference now was their legs tangled together. Her arm was still hugged around Emily's waist, her face buried in the back of her neck. She breathed Emily in – it warmed her body and settled in her belly. _I would be happy to wake up like this for the rest of my life_. At that thought her legs tensed slightly, that familiar instinct to flee rearing its head. But Naomi took another breath and closed her eyes, willing it away. She didn't want to run anymore.

As lovely as being wrapped around Emily Fitch was, her other arm was numb from being crushed under her body all night. She slid one arm from around the redhead and rolled onto her back, shrugging the dead weight of her other arm and feeling it come back to life with painful tingles. She missed the warmth of Emily immediately. It seemed she wasn't the only one, as she felt Emily moving beside her, still in sleep, rolling onto her other side and curling back into the blonde. Naomi watched her as she crinkled her nose and sighed in her sleep.

Emily sleeping was the funniest/cutest/sexiest/most infuriating thing she had ever experienced. It depended on the redhead's mood. When Emily was anxious or having a bad dream she'd mutter gibberish in her sleep and lash her arms and legs about...Naomi had ended up with a few bruises and almost a black eye before. When Emily was drunk her mouth hung open all night, the softest of snores escaping her. Naomi didn't mind because she found it adorable. When the redhead was too full of food she slept on her back and wanted Naomi to curl into her and rub her stomach. When she was sick she wouldn't let Naomi touch her, demanding that she stay on her side of the bed all night. It was always interesting to say the least, but Naomi's favourite time had always been just before Emily woke up. Because she could stare at her, just unashamedly marvel at how beautiful she is, without Emily ever knowing. She didn't need to be embarrassed by it. She could just..._adore_ her.

But it was never like this. After every night they spent together over the summer Naomi couldn't bring herself to be so close to Emily when her eyes opened. She'd always wake before the redhead, (who could sleep through a bomb), find their limbs threaded together and her anxious heart would start racing. She'd slowly extract herself from the sleeping girl and either slink out of her room or to the other side of the bed, anything to put distance between them. She'd needed that distance, she hadn't been able to give in to Emily then, not like now.

Now nothing would ever be close enough.

So she took this quiet moment to turn and gaze at her, taking in the slope of her button nose, the rosy fullness of her lips, the curve of her cheek, the arc of her chin. Every beautiful feature that made Emily perfect. She wanted to pull back the covers and see the rest of her body that she so desperately longed to touch. But she knew she shouldn't. Emily hadn't given her permission yet.

She lay on her back and looked to the ceiling, sighing with frustration. Her fingers trembled with the need to touch Emily's skin. She needed to look into those brown eyes, and Emily would sleep forever if she could. So she rolled back onto her side determined and faced the redhead. Tempting fate and giving in to her desire to touch her in some way she lifted her hand, running her finger down the bridge of Emily's nose with a ghostly touch. Then down to her mouth, her finger tracing the curves of those impossibly soft lips. Emily's mouth twitched and Naomi smiled, continuing to trail her finger along the length of her jaw, then down to trace the muscles of her neck. She knew it tickled her. When Emily shrugged and scrunched her nose Naomi knew that she'd done the job.

* * *

The first thing Emily was aware of was something tickling her neck. It took her sleepy mind a second but she realised it was Naomi. Her_ girlfriend_ was still there, trying to wake her up. If she was honest with herself she had been a little apprehensive about falling asleep in Naomi's arms, fearful that she wouldn't be there in the morning again. But she was, and she was determined to wake her up it seemed.

She opened her eyes tentatively and blinked the sleep from them, confronted with soft blue eyes when her blurry gaze finally focused. Naomi was staring at her with the loveliest of smiles and Emily felt completely content for the first time she could remember. This was the start of their life. Morning breath be damned, she leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of Naomi's mouth.

They had never had _this_. Every night that Emily had stayed over during the summer they had fallen asleep together but never woken up together...not like this. Naomi would always wake up first and either be out of room before Emily even woke or far across the other side of the bed. But now she was looking at her like she never wanted to look away. They were both charged with nervous excitement.

Naomi's hand moved lower down her chest and Emily panicked for a brief moment wondering where this was leading, until the hand stopped. The blonde pressed her palm across her chest, over her heart. Claiming it. Emily knew it could never be anyone else's.

"Em, I think there's something wrong with your heart," Naomi said teasingly, "it's beating like fucking crazy."

"I think that's because you're touching my tit Naoms," Emily replied dryly. And it was kind of the truth, but the real reason Emily's heart was thumping was simply because Naomi was _there_.

The blonde grinned and Emily took the hand from her chest, bringing it to her lips. She kissed the back of the hand softly and then wedged their joined hands between her pillow and her cheek.

"I love you," Naomi said softly, her eyes still fixed to hers.

Emily closed her eyes and let the words wash over her. She'd also worried that in the light of the new day things might be different. Maybe Naomi would change her mind. The words put her completely at ease. The same words danced on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to say them, she did...she just couldn't yet. She still needed time.

Naomi smiled like she didn't need anything in return. She understood and in a way that made Emily want to say it even more. So she filled the silence with other, more mundane words instead.

"So what are we doing today?"

Naomi bit her lip and smirked. "Well you did say you wanted me to meet Mr and Mrs Fitch."

Emily lifted an eyebrow in surprise. They had been bantering last night and she wasn't sure if Naomi had meant her promise to meet her parents. Her heart swelled at the prospect of introducing Naomi as her girlfriend to her mum and dad. She smiled to herself again at the word, _girlfriend_.

"I told you," Naomi purred, her face inching closer. "I'll do anything."

The blonde leaned in and Emily closed her eyes as she felt soft lips brush against hers. The contact sent a current of heat through her body, seemingly waking it up. She found herself wanting more, needing more. Her mind blanked as her body's craving for Naomi drowned all other thoughts. She pushed back into the kiss and slipped her tongue into Naomi's mouth, the blonde responding immediately. But Emily needed more. She rolled over, pushing Naomi onto her back and covering the length of her firm body with her own, still kissing her hungrily. She could feel a hand tangle in her hair and the other running across her ribs, her muscles quivering under the touch involuntarily. She could barely catch her breath but that didn't stop her as she propped herself up slightly, one elbow on either side of Naomi, and shifted a thigh between the blonde's. She felt Naomi groan into her mouth as she grinded against her and Emily could feel the ache in her own centre growing. It was frantic and fevered and passionate. She pulled her lips away and slid down slightly, her hot mouth finding Naomi's pulse point, the blonde's chest heaving quickly as she tried to catch her breath. Emily kissed her way down the flushed skin and then across her collarbone as one of Naomi's hands felt its way under her bra. She clenched her eyes and moaned as a thumb brushed over her hardened nipple, before reaching back up to crush their lips together once again.

* * *

Naomi's body was alive and burning with heat. She could feel everything. Emily's lips and tongue against her own, the tight body pressed against hers, the silky skin under her fingers, the thigh teasing her centre, the crinkle of Emily's nipple under her thumb. She so desperately longed to strip the redhead of her clothes and make love to her and fuck her and everything in between until they collapsed with exhaustion. But the chivalrous part of her knew that it was too soon. That Emily would regret it later. She really fucking hated that part of her brain right now.

"Emily," she mumbled into the redhead's mouth.

Emily swallowed her plea as she ran her hand down the blonde's side. Naomi momentarily forgot herself as the redhead's fingers moved across her skin, raising goosebumps in their wake. But when she felt Emily's fingers slipping under the waistband of her jeans she flicked open her eyes. They shouldn't do this. _Fucking hell_, she cursed her conscience.

She slipped her hands up to Emily's shoulders and pusher her away gently. After a moment of resisting Emily pulled away, her now open eyes questioning. Both their bodies shook as they tried to calm their breathing. Naomi's mouth curved into a small smile as she answered Emily with her eyes. They didn't need words. Emily softened as she comprehended what Naomi had done and then a loving smile broke across her face. They continued to hold each other's gaze for a long moment before the redhead slid her body away and rolled onto her back. Naomi stared at the ceiling as she concentrated on breathing, her body still tingling with the heat of Emily's touch. She knew Emily was trying to do the same. A second later she felt a hand slip into hers and squeeze tightly. She closed her eyes and exhaled a contented breath.

They lay like that for a little longer, staring up at the ceiling silently. Naomi brushed her thumb against the back of Emily's hand.

Somehow simply holding hands felt more intimate than anything they had just done.

* * *

"Glad to see the two of you are still alive," Gina said mockingly as she moved through the kitchen and placed a cup of steaming coffee in front of Emily.

The redhead mumbled her thanks as she looked down and blushed at the implication.

"Yeah yeah funny," Naomi replied from her seat next to her at the table, not quite convincingly annoyed.

Emily could tell that the blonde was trying but couldn't keep the smile out of her tone. She was relieved that Naomi's boldness from yesterday hadn't worn off. Maybe it really wasn't going to.

It seemed that they had been holed up in their own little bubble for a lot longer than they realised. By the time they left Naomi's room it was almost 1pm. They'd shuffled downstairs to a smirking Gina, who'd delighted in offering to make them lunch _because they missed breakfast_.

Gina took a seat opposite the happy couple and watched them with a beaming smile. Emily sipped her coffee and almost choked when she felt Naomi's hand on her thigh. She looked over to the blonde, a mischievous grin on her face. Emily tried to look at her admonishingly but couldn't pull it off as her lips curled into a smile.

"Ah, young love," Gina teased as she observed the interaction.

"Shut up," Naomi replied, not taking her eyes from Emily's.

Eventually they broke their gaze and the three of them sat in a comfortable silence. Emily glanced around the kitchen and smiled at the domesticity of it all. Gina was reading the paper and sipping her coffee. Naomi was next to her eating her brunch one handed because her other hand had found its home on Emily's thigh. The redhead relaxed back in her chair with her coffee, hoping that it was always like this. She knew they wouldn't have the same experience at her house.

"You don't appreciate my cooking Emily?"Gina inquired not unkindly, looking over her newspaper at the redhead's plate.

Emily was pulled from her thoughts and looked down to the half eaten omelette.

"No, it's lovely Gina. I'm just not very hungry."

It was a lie. She was actually starving but she hated eggs, she just didn't want to offend Gina and ruin their lovely moment. So she sipped on her coffee instead.

"Really?" Gina asked playfully. "I would have thought you'd worked up quite an appetite with my daughter."

Emily choked on her coffee again, barely managing not to spit it out.

Naomi rolled her eyes and clanked her fork down against her plate loudly. "Enough mum."

"I don't know what you're talking about dear," Gina replied dryly.

Naomi squeezed Emily's thigh. "Just because we told you it doesn't mean you have free reign to annoy us about it."

Gina opened her mouth in feigned shock. "Am I annoying you Emily?"

Emily looked up blankly, unsure of what to say. Thankfully Naomi spoke for her.

"Yes you are annoying her mother. You're annoying everyone."

Mother and daughter locked eyes and Emily wanted to laugh at her stroppy girlfriend. After a few seconds Gina finally relented.

"Fine," she sighed dramatically, waving a hand in surrender. "I'll stop."

Emily smiled at the exchange. She knew that as much as Naomi complained about her mum she wouldn't have it any other way. She could see the amused glint in those blue eyes and knew that Naomi loved every second of their banter. Emily loved watching it, and hoped that one day she was a part of it too.

* * *

"Are you sure they're okay with this?"

Naomi glanced at Emily nervously. It was all well and good to tell her a couple of days ago that she'd meet her parents but standing in front of their house about to go in for Sunday dinner was another matter entirely.

She fidgeted with the hem of the top she'd changed into at the last minute. She didn't own any conservative clothes so she'd put on the most muted outfit she owned; a pair of black jeans and a pink top with frilly bits that her aunt had given her as a misguided present. Naomi didn't like it but she wanted to wear something feminine and girly.

When Emily had dropped by her house to pick her up she'd taken in the sight and laughed.

"_What?" the blonde asked slightly offended._

"_Sorry, it's just _that_," Emily pointed to her top, "it's not really you."_

_Naomi glanced down and frowned, pulling at one of the frills. "I know I just...I don't want to show up to your parent's house looking all...gay."_

_Emily giggled and then attempted to stifle it when she saw Naomi's annoyed expression. _

"_Sorry," Emily said trying to compose herself. "But Naoms, you do realise that they know you're my _girlfriend_? You're worried about _looking gay_ when you meet your _girlfriend's_ parents?"_

_Naomi grimaced, finally seeing the flaw of her irrational thought pattern, realising that yes, she was an idiot. _

_Emily moved forward and slid both her arms around the blonde's back._

"_It's going to be fine." _

_The redhead reached up and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. Her delicate fingers worked their way under the offending top and skimmed across Naomi's warm skin. The blonde's eyes fluttered closed and she took a calming breath._

"_My parents have had a few weeks to get used to the idea of me being gay. They're okay with it. And when I told them about you they wanted to meet you."_

_Naomi focused on those comforting brown eyes. She trusted Emily. She knew that as long as she was with her she would be okay._

_Emily reached a hand up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Naomi's ear, then cupped her cheek. Naomi closed her eyes as she leant into her touch._

"_They're going to love you," Emily said sincerely, the blonde feeling her tighten her grasp on her hip. "How could they not."_

_Naomi's eyes flicked down to Emily's. She knew that was as close to a declaration of love as she was going to get right now. And that was okay. Of course she wanted more but it was enough for now._

"_But Naoms?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Change that top. You look ridiculous."_

So now they stood outside the front door of the Fitch house, Naomi in her favourite top. Her heart beating wildly. Her hands shaking. She'd never done anything as remotely mature or coupley as this. Telling her mum had been easy. She knew how to deal with Gina and her teasing. But Emily's parents were uptight, middle class, civilised people...not like the hippy, recreational drug users who didn't always value hygiene that Naomi had grown up around. And then there was Katie. Katie who hated her and hated that they were back together. Naomi knew she needed to prove herself to Katie more than anyone else in the family. Oh, and her brother James would be there. Her by all accounts incredibly creepy brother James.

She felt Emily slip her hand into hers and focused her attention back to the redhead.

"It'll be fine," she said reassuringly.

Naomi took a deep breath and smiled.

A smirk played on Emily's mouth. "Just don't mention anything about fucking me in the school toilets last year."

Naomi blushed as she watched Emily walk through the door, then felt a tug on her arm. She looked up to a god she wasn't sure existed and said a silent prayer.

* * *

Emily's stomach was twisted with knots. Most of the things she'd told her girlfriend to reassure her were true. Her parents were accepting of her being gay. And they did want to meet Naomi. But there was still a level of apprehension there. She wasn't as confident that everything would go smoothly as she appeared to be. Katie was also a big part of that. When Emily had told her twin that she was officially with Naomi she hadn't gotten the reaction she'd expected. Katie had been calm and rational about it for a change, and that had unnerved her. Katie had simply looked at her and told her with conviction that she was a stupid twat and that Naomi would break her heart again. Emily was ashamed to think that in that moment she had doubted Naomi. But only for a second. She knew Naomi loved her. She knew Katie was wrong. And only time would prove it...and a successful meeting of the parents wouldn't hurt either.

So Emily had put a lot of pressure on the night, and felt a last jolt of nerves run through her as she pulled her girlfriend into her house. She walked them into the kitchen where she knew her parents were waiting. Katie and James were probably still upstairs. She squeezed Naomi's hand as she caught sight of her mum and dad.

She didn't have time to announce their arrival before her dad, who was sitting at the table, spotted them.

"Emily!" he said with his wide grin.

In her peripheral vision she saw her mum standing at the stove with her back to them. She turned at her husband's greeting.

"We were wondering when you two would get in."

She looked from her dad to her mum, who was smiling thankfully, and then to her girlfriend. Naomi had a plastered on smile, her eyes darting around the room. Emily could tell the blonde was scared shitless and it made her want to kiss her senseless.

She shook the thought from her brain, _not exactly the time or place_, and turned back to her dad.

"Sorry we got held up."

The image of Naomi's horrible pink top flashed in her mind and she smiled to herself. Yet another reason she wanted to kiss her girlfriend senseless.

Her dad waved a hand as if to dismiss their lateness.

Emily took a deep breath. The awkward tension in the room was stifling.

"Mum, Dad," she glanced at each to make sure she had their attention. She turned to her girlfriend and smiled. "This is Naomi. My girlfriend."

She felt Naomi squeeze her hand a little tighter as she watched her parents.

"Of course love," her dad said looking to Naomi. "It's nice to finally meet you Naomi. Em doesn't stop talking about you."

He glanced at his daughter and winked. Emily smiled affectionately at her dad.

Her mum stepped forward and in true Jenna Fitch form looked Naomi up and down. Then focused in on their hands held between them. Some judgemental habits die hard. But she was smiling somewhat nervously but genuinely too. Emily could tell her mum was trying.

"Yes, lovely to meet you Naomi."

"Thank you." Naomi's voice was croaky and she cleared her throat. Emily looked to her and squeezed her hand. "It's nice to meet you too. Thank-you for inviting me to dinner."

Emily exhaled with relief. They were off to a good start.

* * *

Naomi looked in the mirror and congratulated herself as she rinsed her hands in the Fitch's bathroom. She'd done a good job imitating a normal person at dinner. She'd answered questions about college and her future plans articulately, contributed to general conversation, mostly avoided looking Katie in the eye, ate at least half of whatever disgusting thing Jenna had served, and managed not to spit out her drink when James had asked her if she owned a strap-on. All with Emily's hand on her thigh half the time. She was prepared to call it a successful night.

She dried her hands on the hand towel and opened the door, only to be confronted with Katie Fitch.

"We need to talk."

Without waiting for a response she entered the bathroom and forced Naomi to step backwards.

The blonde tensed as her heart started thumping. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at the twin expectantly.

"I'm not here to yell and scream or hit you or anything," Katie said firmly.

Naomi nodded. "Okay...then why are you here."

Katie took a deep breath.

"Emily loves you, and as much as I wish she didn't I can't change that."

Katie telling her Emily loved her made Naomi smile. But it faded when she looked into Katie's angry eyes.

"I don't think you're good enough for her Campbell. But Emily doesn't seem to have the same high standard as I do."

Naomi thought about the guys she'd seen Katie with. She wanted to scoff but she thought better of it. She didn't trust that Katie wouldn't smack her.

Katie took a step closer to stand threateningly close to her.

"If you hurt her I will fuck you up. Do you understand?"

Naomi looked into Katie's eyes. She hated the painful reminder of how she had treated Emily in the past but she knew it was warranted. Even respected Katie a little for it. Katie had made this threat before and Naomi had mostly rolled her eyes, but they both knew it was different this time. There was a lot more at stake. Naomi didn't want Katie to be right as much as Katie did.

"I love her."

It was the best answer she had. The only answer.

Katie stared at her hard for a few seconds, seemingly trying to decide whether it was true. She must have seen something because she softened slightly.

"Good."

Naomi watched Katie turn and walk out of the room. She tried to calm her breathing and shook her hands out. She didn't like to admit it but Katie Fitch scared her just a little.

* * *

Emily Fitch couldn't stop kissing her girlfriend.

"You." Kiss. "Are." Kiss. "Wonderful." Kiss.

She could feel the blonde smiling against her lips.

They were once again standing outside the door of the Fitch home, this time saying goodnight. Her parents had strict rules about staying over boyfriend's, _and now girlfriend's_, houses, so the night was ending on the doorstep in a flurry of kisses. Emily wished it didn't have to, but she also wanted to respect her parent's rules. She felt like it validated their relationship that her mum and dad took it seriously enough to impose the same rules they would if it was a boy.

Their bodies were flush up against each other, their hearts beating in time. She cupped the blonde's face with both her hands and reached up to kiss her nose, her eyelid, her cheek, her chin, her forehead, her other eyelid and then back to her lips. Naomi kept her eyes closed after Emily pulled away.

"My dad loves you," Emily said proudly, running her thumb along her girlfriend's jaw line. "Even mum liked you."

Emily was riding high on the thrilling feeling of relief. Dinner had been a resounding success and she felt silly for ever doubting that it would be. Her mum had obviously tried hard and her dad had been his typical slightly oblivious self. James made inappropriate comments like she'd expected and Katie wasn't exactly warm, but not antagonistic either. But Naomi had been perfect. Even those few times she stuttered and stumbled over her words Emily thought she was perfect.

Her body buzzed with excitement. This was exactly how she'd wished her life would be.

"James has a crush on you."

Naomi grinned and tightened her grip on the redhead's hip. "Too bad I'm completely in love with someone else."

Emily stroked the blonde's cheek and then dropped sweet kisses along her jaw.

"Well Katie." Kiss. "Is still pissed." Kiss. "But she'll get over it." Kiss.

"Actually," Naomi began, seemingly finding it difficult to form words when Emily was kissing her like that. "Your sister cornered me in the bathroom before dessert."

"Oh really?" Emily raised a suspicious eyebrow. "I thought bathrooms were our thing," she teased.

Naomi pulled her in for an earth shattering kiss that stole the breath from her. Emily felt her body shudder and was glad she had the blonde to lean against.

"They always will be," Naomi whispered against her lips. "But Katie and I talked...I think it'll be alright."

Emily looked up at her girlfriend with adoring eyes. Her girlfriend that in the last few days had completely opened herself up emotionally and told her she loved her, come out to her own mother, and had dinner with her parents. And now it seemed that she'd also handled Katie.

Her vision blurred as her eyes flooded with tears. Naomi had done it all for _her_.

"Hey," the blonde cooed soothingly, her hand moving to cup the redhead's cheek and brush the tears away with her thumb. "I love you."

Emily stared into those bright blue eyes and her body surged with heat. She desperately wanted to pull Naomi into a dark room or hell, even against a wall, and fuck her until she couldn't breathe. But she knew that wasn't right, she knew that wasn't what she really wanted. What she really wanted was to make love to Naomi in Naomi's bed. A bed that she considered almost as much hers now. And she wanted it to only be when she could say those three little words.

But not yet.

So she gazed into those blue eyes and said another three.

"Yeah...I know.

* * *

**It seems I can't let these crazy kids go, and this chapter got away from me a little bit. I was going to end it here but I feel like a fitting end would include the whole gang...so one left...fluff central over here! But it aint over until Emily says those three little words...**

**This round of drinks is on **_**c-diz**_** because she put it in writing and can't back out now, lol...I suggest we hit up a Mexican place because I want enchiladas and margaritas...om nom nom...then we hit a club...sounds like a plan...so throw on your fancy clothes, leave a review and then jump on the party bus...aint nobody going home until the sun comes up!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **_**S**_**orry it's taken me a while to get this up – it seems that everything I've been neglecting all month (work, friends, boyfriend, family...**_**work**_**) finally caught up with me...everybody is annoyed...pffft...so I've been putting in the hard yards and trying to be an attentive employee, friend, girlfriend, daughter and sister...it's fucking tiring...I've barely slept all week!**

***waits for appropriate noises of sympathy and/or verbal abuse the get the fuck on with it***

**Lol, I also feel the need to assure you all that I'm **_**not**_** an alcoholic...because it seems I talk about drinking a lot...meh, I live in Australia...drinking is what we do... :P**

**Also, err...I went back and re-read some earlier chapters and turns out I've let a few inconsistencies spring up...ooops...let's just pretend they're not there shall we?**

**Being the last chapter I **_**really**_** wanted to get this right...I hope I did...I dunno...AT LEAST IT IS LONG! lol, that's what she said :P**

**Enjoy...**

* * *

"You alright?"

Emily looked up into the wide blue eyes of her girlfriend, her own eyes slightly panicked. Naomi was biting her lip, and not in the good way. The redhead knew there were two ways Naomi bit her lip; one was with a slight smile, which meant she was in a..._playful_ mood and Emily should expect to be fighting off hungry lips and hands. But the other way her lips curved down into a frown, which meant she was anxious.

Emily noticed that her lips were turned down. She also noticed that Naomi had taken a small step away from her.

She should have been expecting this. It was all just a little too good to be true. Naomi opening up, saying _the l-word_, having dinner with her parents last night...Emily felt like she was waiting for the bubble to burst. Waiting for Naomi to say, _'oops, I made a mistake. I'm still not ready for this'_. The weekend had been a blur of kisses and touches and whispers in their own little world, ignoring their friends completely and their families most of the time. They didn't have to think about the real world. But dinner with her parents had probably been too much for Naomi. Too real. And now as they stood across the road from college Emily prepared herself for heartbreak.

She looked up to her girlfriend and saw her watching their peers stream into the building. Naomi still hadn't said anything. Emily clenched her fists in an effort to stop herself from reaching out and holding Naomi's hand.

"Alright?" Emily prompted her again, shrugging her bag up higher on her shoulder.

Naomi seemed to snap out of it but didn't look at her. "Yeah I'm just..."

"It's okay if you're scared you know," Emily tried to pre-empt her.

Naomi looked at her with a furrowed brow. "Huh?"

Emily took a deep breath. "Of everyone knowing that we're together. Everyone at college and stuff. It's okay if you're scared. I get it."

Her voice broke on that last word and she lowered her head and blinked hard, annoyed with herself. Intellectually she did get it. It was a big step. Telling the whole world, _showing_ the whole world. She could understand how Naomi would be scared. She was a little nervous too. But it was also like a punch in the stomach. Because more than nervous Emily was _proud_ to show everyone that Naomi was the person she loved. It hurt to think that Naomi didn't feel the same way. That was why she hadn't said 'I love you' back. Because she still didn't trust that Naomi was going to be there to catch her.

She looked back up with sad eyes. Naomi's face softened and she closed the space between them quickly. Emily's breath hitched as the blonde's hand tenderly held her cheek.

"Emily," she said firmly, intense blue eyes locking onto brown. "That's not what I was thinking."

The redhead held her breath. Naomi was standing so close their bodies were almost touching and her hand was on her cheek and she was looking at her in _that way_. That way that Emily felt in the core of her being. The way that let her know that Naomi could see everything she was trying to hide. All her insecurities and doubts and fears. Naomi could see them. Could see _her_.

"I was thinking," Naomi said softly, "about what a fucking tit I was to ever think I didn't want this...want you..."

Emily's eyes glazed with tears and she finally remembered to breathe.

"...I told you Em, I love you. And I'm going to do everything I can to make you happy..."

The blonde smirked.

"...Which includes walking into college holding your hand...and kissing you no matter who is around...and telling anyone who will listen how much I love you..."

Naomi's brushed her thumb gently against her cheek and Emily's eyes fluttered closed briefly.

"...Because those things make _me_ happy too."

Emily's heart swelled and she wanted to tell Naomi what she felt for her, but before she could speak the blonde leaned forward and their lips met. It wasn't gentle and sweet, Naomi's hungry mouth moving with hers with passion and desire. The hand that had held her cheek snaked around to the back of her neck, pulling her impossibly closer. Emily got lost in it for a moment, barely registering that it was entirely inappropriate on a street sidewalk. She reached her hands up and held Naomi's hips firmly, one hand feeling its way under the blonde's clothing to find soft warm skin. All she could focus on was Naomi. The taste of her, the silky feel of her skin, the heat of her body, Naomi's hand in her hair and the other that wrapped itself around to settle on her bum and pull their hips together.

The honking of a truck's horn broke the spell and Emily pulled away just in time to see the driver and his mate making lewd gestures at the two kissing girls. She scrunched her nose and braced herself for Naomi's oncoming tirade. Or sudden anxiety.

But Naomi just stared at her with a small smile playing on her lips. She hadn't even looked at the truck. It didn't even seem like she'd heard the noise. Her eyes hadn't left Emily.

Emily's stomach fluttered again. Naomi wasn't running. She was right here staring at her and not looking away.

The redhead leaned up and planted a sloppy kiss on the side of her girlfriend's mouth. Naomi laughed and pretended to fight her off.

Emily didn't think her life could get any better.

* * *

Naomi ginned and squeezed the small hand in hers as they walked through the halls of the college. She knew a few people were looking their way with interest and she heard a couple of pricks make stupid comments but she let them bounce off of her. Emily is worth it, she knew that now. She really was a fucking twat for not realising that sooner. As they'd walked into college they'd seen their friends sitting across the field and Naomi had playfully pulled Emily closer for dramatic effect,not wanting Emily to question her conviction in them ever again. She watched the reaction of her friends with the faintest flicker of nerves. Cook had given her a nod and smirked. Effy had actually _genuinely _smiled. Panda looked a little confused but a grinning Thomas whispered something in her ear. Then Panda was grinning too. JJ smiled somewhat hesitantly and Freddie smiled somewhat sadly, his eyes flicking over to Effy for a split second. Naomi knew he was thinking about his own love. It made her even more thankful for Emily.

She walked Emily to her locker, playful glances and smiles passing between them like some sort of tag game. But her smile faltered as they rounded a corner and saw someone she'd completely forgotten existed...and wished didn't.

Anna.

She was standing at her locker. Her locker that was next to Emily's. Naomi stiffened slightly. She'd never liked Anna, mostly because Anna liked Emily. But now Emily was hers and Anna needed to know it. She felt the redhead squeeze her hand, looking to her and smiling reassuringly. Naomi looked into those brown eyes and smiled back, feeling herself relax again.

Emily took the lead, pulling her along until they stopped in front of her locker. Anna had her head stuck in her own, oblivious to their presence. Naomi had the sudden urge to slam the door into her head repeatedly. _Behave, _she reprimanded herself, _Emily is with you_.

"Hey Anna," Emily said brightly.

Anna whipped her head out from her locker, an excited smile fading as her eyes fell on Naomi, and then their joined hands.

Naomi smiled proudly. _That's way fucking better that hitting her with the door_.

"Emily," Anna greeted her with a strained smile. "Naomi."

Naomi grimaced in reply.

Emily cleared her throat. "So how was your weekend?"

"Good," Anna replied unconvincingly, tucking some hair behind her ear, "boring."

The spiteful little demon in Naomi was glad. _Let me tell you what I fucking did_, she thought to herself, _I kissed Emily all weekend_.

They stood awkwardly for a moment before Anna broke the silence.

"So I see everything worked out for you guys."

Naomi watched the girl's eyes flick again to their joined hands. Emily opened her mouth to speak but the blonde interrupted.

"Yeah it did," she said smugly, holding their hands up. "Seems that _nothing_ can get in the way of love," she added pointedly. It was half warning half gloating. Naomi knew she was rubbing it in. So did Emily who rolled her eyes at her.

"Well I'm glad," Anna replied. "I know how Emily feels about you."

The sincerity in Anna's tone annoyed Naomi. She _did_ actually seem happy for them. Maybe she couldn't hate her as much as she wanted to. She felt the redhead looking at her and turned to face her. They shared a ridiculously sappy and loving smile that Naomi would have rolled her eyes at if it was anyone but the two of them.

"Well I better get going to class," Anna said awkwardly, obviously eager to get away from the situation.

Emily broke their gaze and turned back to her.

"Yeah, I'll see you in class."

Anna half smiled at them both and then walked away. Naomi took a satisfied breath and then leaned back against the cool metal of the row of lockers.

Emily turned to look at her severely. "You are terrible."

Naomi could tell the redhead was trying to be serious but her lips curling into a smile gave her away.

"What?" Naomi replied feigning innocence.

Emily took a step forward and slipped her index fingers into the belt loops of Naomi's jeans, pulling her in. Naomi shifted forward so that their bodies were almost touching. She could feel the heat of Emily's body. Feel the heat surging through her own and settling in her belly.

"You, getting all possessive in front of Anna," Emily purred, glancing down at her lips. Naomi found herself breathing harder. The blonde opened her mouth to defend herself but Emily spoke first.

"It's kind of sexy."

Naomi raised an eyebrow at her frisky girlfriend and leaned forward to kiss her, but the redhead pulled away suddenly, a teasing look in her eye. It took Naomi a second to realise what had just happened.

"Hey," she whined as she watched Emily dig through her locker and pull out some books.

Emily shut the door and turned to face her. "Got to get to class Naoms."

Naomi's mouth dropped open in protest but Emily merely winked in reply, before sauntering off down the hall.

Naomi watched her girlfriend's ass as she walked away from her. How was she going to make it through the day now that Emily had gotten her so worked up?

* * *

Emily was on her way back from the bathroom when she saw Cook in the courtyard area smoking again. She thought about the last time they had been out there together, when Cook had told her not to give up on Naomi. She was glad she'd listened. She smiled fondly and pushed through the double doors, the chilly air hitting her face immediately. She wasn't exactly in a hurry to get back to her history class. It wasn't so much what they were studying, although that was boring enough, but more that it was another class she was stuck sitting next to Anna. It was just so awkward. She could tell that Anna wasn't sure how to act around her anymore, which Emily understood. Emily was a little unsure around her as well, now that she knew that Anna liked her. She just wished it didn't have to be so complicated. She wanted them to stay friends but knew it would probably take a while to get back to that comfort level. At least Katie was in most of their classes as well. Not that her twin was too happy with her either. She knew that Katie wasn't exactly supportive of her reunion with Naomi, but it was comforting to Emily that at least her sister was looking out for her.

At the sound of the doors Cook turned, chuckling when he caught sight of her.

"Emilio mate!"

He gestured with a nod of his head to the seat beside him as she approached. Emily wiped some dirt off the bench and sat, digging her hands into her pockets to keep them warm.

"Hey Cook."

He exhaled a long cloud of smoke away from them and then turned to her. "We've got to stop meeting like this."

He slipped the cigarette packet out of his shirt pocket and offered them to her. She thought she may as well, it might warm her up. She inhaled deeply, wincing as she felt the burn down her throat.

"So how is it that you never get caught out here?" She glanced around the open courtyard at all the windows facing out. "Doesn't anyone notice you?"

She watched his smile falter for just a second, doubt clouding his eyes briefly. But then the trademark grin was back.

"It's my ninja skills."

Emily smiled as she considered her words. It was actually kind of funny that despite how loud and abrasive and in-your-face Cook was...people didn't really notice him. They dismissed him along with his loutish behaviour and never looked closer. She was glad she finally did. He was a good guy underneath all that bullshit.

"So, why you out here with me and not in your girlfriend's pants?"

Emily scoffed unexpectedly while taking a drag of her cigarette and ended up coughing. Cook was amused with himself as usual.

She playfully slapped his arm. "Fuck off."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, smoking and gazing out into the courtyard. Emily was thoroughly cold now but she was enjoying sitting with Cook and didn't want to go back to class. She wrapped her cardigan around her tighter trying to warm herself.

Cook flicked his cigarette to the ground. "It's good you two sorted your shit out. Happy ending and all that."

"Yeah."

Emily detected a hint of sadness in his voice and glanced at him, but he kept his gaze forward. She knew he was thinking about Effy. She felt sorry for him, but she also knew that Effy loved Freddie. And life is a motherfucker sometimes. It made her appreciate what she had with Naomi even more.

"Thanks Cook."

He looked at her with confused eyes.

"For convincing me not to give up on Naomi," she explained. "You're a good friend."

She nudged him with her shoulder affectionately and he grinned like a five year old boy who'd just been told he'd done something good. But then the mischievous glint returned to his eye.

"Well if you and Blondie ever want to reward me by filming your good selves going to it –"

"Cook!" She bumped him in the shoulder harder this time.

He chuckled and she looked at him admonishingly. At least she tried to, but she couldn't quite pull it off, a smile tugging up her lips.

"What, you can't blame me. Two fit birds like yourselves. And since neither of you will fuck me no matter how hard I try."

Emily was giggling until she remembered that Cook had kissed Naomi whcih sobered her laughter. Her face hardened.

"I don't think so Cook." She looked at him intently. "And if you ever try anything with my girlfriend again I _will _twist off your cock."

She tried to hold the severity in her voice and expression but she found herself faltering as Cook chuckled again. He really was like a child sometimes.

"Don't worry Red," he said as he slung an arm over her shoulders. "The only person Naomi's going to be sticking it to is you."

Emily scrunched her nose at Cook's phrasing but then relaxed into a smile. Cooks conviction in Naomi's love for her was heartening. She sighed as she leant in to the warmth of his side, feeling any lingering doubts slipping away.

* * *

Naomi stood in the empty hall and peered through the small window into the classroom, searching for that cherry red hair. Her class had gotten out early and she was waiting for Emily to go to lunch. She spotted her sitting up the back with Anna and Katie, the slightest pang of jealousy instinctively shooting through her. Naomi knew it wasn't warranted and she could see that Emily and Anna weren't even sitting next to each other, as Katie was sitting between them, but she couldn't help it. Now that she'd finally gotten Emily she didn't want anything to get in their way. She didn't like that they were friends. She didn't like that Anna was interested in Emily. She hated that they had kissed, which Emily had told her about the other night in their new found policy of being honest with each other. But she couldn't tell Emily who to be friends with. She admitted to herself that she was a little disappointed that the redhead hadn't said she loved her yet. They had only been back together a few days now and she knew it might take time...she was just hoping it wouldn't take too much longer. She still couldn't shake the tiniest sliver of uncertainty about Emily's feelings. Knowing that Emily was uncertain about them made Naomi uncertain about them. And she knew it was her fault. She'd just have to keep doing everything she could to prove to Emily that she wasn't going anywhere.

As if feeling her presence, Emily lifted her head from her work and glanced over at her through the window and smiled the most perfect smile of any smile ever smiled. Full of all the love that she hadn't verbalised yet. Naomi pretty much melted on the spot, those fears from a second ago completely forgotten along with the rest of the world.

But suddenly she could feel someone next to her and turned quickly in surprise. Effy. Appearing out of nowhere. Leaning her back against the wall and looking out into the hall, like Naomi wasn't even there.

"Geez Eff," the blonde said with a heavy breath as she clutched her now rapidly beating heart, "way to announce yourself."

Still, she was glad to see her friend who had been eluding her all day. Sometimes Effy just disappeared for hours and then reappeared. Naomi honestly did wonder sometimes if her brunette friend had magical powers.

Effy turned to face her slightly and shrugged. "Not my fault you were completely absorbed in staring at your..._girlfriend_." She stressed the word and smirked.

Naomi looked up and blushed, then hated herself a little for doing that in front of Effy. She took a deep breath and composed herself, holding her head up high and arching one eyebrow.

"Yes, Emily is my girlfriend. Yes, I love her. And yes, we do all sorts of gay love things together."

Effy lifted an eyebrow and her smile widened at her friends outburst. Naomi realised she sounded a little defensive and bit her lip bashfully.

"Good," Effy said simply.

Naomi smiled. Effy was probably her closest friend, after Emily of course, and it was nice to know that she was happy for them. Even if it was expressed in her minimal way. She watched her friend closely, but as usual Effy didn't give anything away.

"So what about Freddie?"

Effy's expression didn't change. "What about Freddie?"

Naomi lifted her eyebrows expectantly. She wasn't going to let Effy get away with that. "Are you going to tell him you love him?"

Effy was silent for a beat. "Are you happy?" she asked, seemingly ignoring Naomi's question.

Naomi narrowed her eyes in confusion. Effy looked out in to the hall and Naomi knew better than to expect any further clarification of the question. So she answered it honestly.

"This is the happiest I've ever been in my whole life. I can't imagine being happier."

There was no sarcasm or lightness at all in her tone. Just the simply sincere truth.

Effy turned to her with solemn eyes. "And what happens if it all falls apart?"

Naomi looked hard at Effy before turning back to peer at her girlfriend through the small window, contemplating her answer. Emily had her head down, scribbling in her notebook frantically. She had the most adorable squiggly handwriting. Naomi treasured a sample of it with the 'Emily slept here' note tacked to her bed head. She thought about sleeping with Emily, just sleeping, and how it felt to hold the redhead all night. Feeling her heart beating under her fingertips. Her murmured words during the night. The safety and love that only Emily could wrap her up in. The thought of that not being there is what she had been running from in the first place. It was her biggest fear. But finally giving in to it had been the best thing she'd ever done in her life. She knew she'd never regret it.

She turned back to Effy with a small smile and an answer to her question.

"Then at least I'd have known what this felt like. Because _this_, this feeling...it's worth _everything_."

* * *

"So where are we going?" Emily glanced at the row of houses around them, swinging their held hands back and forth between them. "I thought you were taking me to dinner on our first official date."

On Wednesday Naomi had informed her that she was taking her out on a date. She didn't ask, just announced it. Emily's stomach had flipped and she hadn't been able to wipe the smile off her face all day. All week really. Being out to the whole college hadn't ended up being that big of a deal in the end. It's not like they're the first or only gay couple in the college, and once the news had swept through the interest had died down by the end of the week. She had some fucked up comments from idiot boys and spiteful girls and knew Naomi had as well, but none of it touched her. All she cared about was being with Naomi, and more specifically tonight, enjoying their date. She'd put on her favourite skirt and a top that she knew Naomi liked, mostly because it made her tits look big, and did her hair and make-up. She looked over at her girlfriend who had put in just as much effort, especially her hair, which was braided the way Emily loved it.

"I told you five times already," Naomi said with good humoured exasperation, squeezing her hand. "It's a surprise."

They walked in silence for a few more minutes until Emily felt a tug on her hand and realised that Naomi had pulled up in front of a house. It looked like any other house on the block except for the beautiful and colourful garden. She was feeling anxious. Where exactly were they going to dinner? She looked up to her smiling girlfriend who then pulled her along down the path and to the front door. Naomi pressed the doorbell and Emily heard movement within the house, saw a shadow moving behind the door. Her heart was thumping in her chest with sudden nerves.

Naomi must have felt it because she turned to her and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. "You don't have to be nervous."

Emily heard the door being unlocked and snapped her head back to face forward. The door opened revealing a small old man with a beaming smile. She knew immediately that it had to be Mr Walker.

"Naomi," he greeted her eagerly, opening his arms.

Naomi let go of Emily's hand and stepped forward to hug him. Emily watched the exchange with an adoring smile. She never would have thought of Naomi as a hugger. Clearly she hadn't just opened herself up to Emily.

Naomi stepped back from the hug and reached for her hand again.

"And this must be Emily," Mr Walker said turning his attention to her and holding his arms out again. "Come here, I feel like I know you Naomi talks about you so much."

Emily stepped forward in to the hug. "It's nice to meet you," she said pulling away. "Naomi talks about you a lot too."

She didn't need to look at the blonde to tell that she was blushing.

"Well come on." Mr Walker stood to the side and ushered them into the house. "Dinner is almost ready."

* * *

After she and Emily had done the dinner dishes, despite Mr Walker's protest, Naomi sat at the table in the kitchen watching Mr Walker and her girlfriend chat animatedly about something or another. Dinner had been great, Mr Walker cooking a dish he'd picked up in Thailand. The food was brilliant and the conversation fun and lively. Naomi could tell that her girlfriend was just as smitten with Mr Walker as she was. And it was clear that Mr Walker loved Emily. _But probably not as much as me_, she thought somewhat jealously. She loved the idea of becoming a surrogate granddaughter to Mr Waler, considering all of his family lived a fair way out from Bristol. And now Emily was a part of everything that mattered in her life. And that's how she felt it should be.

Forever.

But right now she had no idea what they were talking about because she'd stopped listening approximately five minutes ago, when Emily had shifted in her seat, her top shifting against her body and revealing the smallest hint of creamy skin. After that, touching that skin had been the only thing she could think about. She could faintly hear their words, and every now and then Mr Walker's relaxed chuckle and Emily's throaty laugh. But all she could focus on was Emily. And the burning desire within her body that had sprung up suddenly. Not that it wasn't always there, because it was, but now there was an intensity to it that she'd never felt before. She glanced down to Emily's fingers. They were sliding around the rim of her glass absentmindedly, but Naomi could only think of one thing. Her body responding in ways she was embarrassed of in _Mr Walker's kitchen_. She told herself to snap out of it. She felt like a 14 year old boy ogling a pretty girl. Her eyes flicked up to Emily's lips, watching them move in speech but unable to hear anything. Soft pink lips. No longer able to stop herself she let her hand reach out under the table and rest on Emily's firm thigh. She dug her fingertips in gently and looked up at the redhead. Emily seemed to be in the middle of a sentence when she paused briefly with a half smile, then continued talking. Thankful that her girlfriend was wearing a skirt and encouraged by the smile, Naomi's hand felt its way under the material to the warm silky skin. She knew this was wholly inappropriate with Mr Walker a metre away but her hand had a mind of its own. It inched up Emily's thigh agonisingly slowly and Naomi kept her eyes on the redhead, watching her reaction. Emily's eyes widened immediately but she kept her gaze on Mr Walker nd her mouth kept moving. The hand moved up higher. And higher. Despite Emily wriggling her leg and swatting her arm subtly, trying to stop it. Naomi could feel the heat of her girlfriend, her own heart beating wildly as excitement surged through her body. Emily gripped her glass tighter. The hand was about to reach its destination when she heard her name and felt eyes on her. The fog in her brain slowly cleared and she noticed Mr Walker and Emily both staring at her. She slid her hand away from under Emily's skirt as subtly and as quickly as she could.

"Huh?" she managed to choke out.

Mr Walker chuckled at her. Emily was blushing fiercely.

"I said," he replied a little louder for her benefit, "that Emily better take you home before you try and have sex with her on this table."

Naomi's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open with shock and embarrassment. _Busted_. By Mr Walker of all people. He laughed again, clearly enjoying putting her on the spot. Obviously she wasn't as inconspicuous as she thought. Emily's eyes flared at her reproachfully. The only thing Naomi could do was laugh.

"You're right," she replied, confidently grabbing Emily's hand _on top_ of the table this time. "We better get going."

She stood and pulled the bashful redhead up with her. She didn't have time to think about being embarrassed, she just wanted to get Emily naked.

"Thank you so much for dinner Mr Walker," Emily said sincerely once she'd collected herself. "It was great to finally meet you."

"It was my pleasure dear," he replied as he stood, "and it was lovely to meet you too. I hope I'll be seeing you a lot more now that Naomi has gotten her act together."

Naomi rolled her eyes and Emily smiled. They walked to the doorway and Emily hugged him goodbye.

"You've done well to get this one," he said to Naomi over the redhead's shoulder.

"I tricked her," she said with a grin.

"You could do better," he whispered theatrically into Emily's ear so that Naomi could hear, and then chuckled.

"Hey!" she replied defensively.

Emily stepped back giggling and playfully nudged her. "I think I did alright."

Naomi sent her a smile in reply and then gave Mr Walker a hug. "We'll see you soon."

She grabbed Emily's hand again and they left, Mr Walker shouting goodbye behind them. Once they were out on the sidewalk Emily pulled her up, trapping her against the brick fence.

Naomi looked into dark, lust-filled eyes and a shiver ran down her spine as the redhead purred, "lets go back to your place."

* * *

Emily liked that her parents were treating her relationship with Naomi the same as they did when Katie had a boyfriend, and she wanted to do the right thing and respect their rules...but she wanted to fall asleep in Naomi's arms a lot more. She wanted to do other things too.

She could still feel the heat of Naomi's palm on her thigh, even though it had long since been removed. They made their way back to Naomi's giggling and kissing, stopping several times when the touching became a little too intense and it became to hard to keep walking.

She'd never wanted Naomi like she did now. Not this much. In the last week Naomi had completely opened her heart and her life to her and any remaining doubts that Emily had were quickly being erased.

They walked up to Naomi's room, sobering up slightly once inside. Emily stood at the door, the full weight of the situation finally hitting her. She looked up to the blonde, suddenly nervous. Her heart was hammering in her chest. Her skin humming. Her lips tingling. She wanted this, she did. It was all she'd thought about every night and most of every day since they'd gotten back together...even before that really.

Sensing her anxiety Naomi closed the gap between them and held Emily's hand, still keeping enough distance between them not to push anything. Emily could feel the heat of Naomi's body, feel how much the blonde wanted her.

"We don't have to –"

Emily leant forward suddenly and crashed their lips together. Naomi being sweet to her was the last straw. She couldn't possibly hold back after that. She didn't want to hold back anything with her anymore. She pushed them towards the bed, Naomi's hands holding her hips firmly. Her own hands holding the blonde's face. Naomi's knees hit the end of the bed and they fell down together, the redhead enjoying the feel of Naomi's lean body under hers.

They lost themselves in hungry kisses and searing touches, heavy breaths and throaty moans. Naomi was firm but gentle, finding new places to worship on Emily's body and rediscovering old ones. Emily worked her hands and mouth all over the blonde's flushed skin, wanting to taste every inch of her. They weren't fucking and they weren't having sex – they were making love. Fiercely and passionately and completely. They took each other to heights neither of them had reached before, over and over, and then collapsed together, managing to catch their breath before eventually drifting off to sleep.

And as Naomi's arms wrapped around her, the last thing Emily felt was complete contentment and happiness.

* * *

Naomi lay on her side and stared at the sleeping redhead beside her.

The _naked_ sleeping redhead.

_Her_ naked sleeping redhead.

That she had made love to all night.

She reached out and pushed back some hair that had fallen over Emily's face. Emily was dozing with a peaceful half smile. Naomi had been a minute ago, but as usual she had woken up before her girlfriend. She was still tired and her body was fatigued from the night before but she didn't want to sleep. Her eyes didn't want to close because then she wouldn't be looking at Emily.

Naomi had a new favourite way to wake the sleeping redhead. She lifted her hand and slowly traced her finger in a line from Emily's hairline, down her nose and over her parted lips that moved at her touch. She felt the heat rising again in her belly. _So much naked warm skin_. She followed the line to the redhead's chin, down the irresistible slope of her neck and the ridge of her collarbone, feeling the vibration under her fingers as Emily moaned in her sleep. She continued down the naked skin, through the valley of Emily's breasts, her hand following the hurried rise and fall of the redhead's chest, and over a firm stomach to stop just below Emily's belly button, where she placed her palm, feeling the muscles tighten involuntarily.

Emily was hers. She could touch her and kiss her and make love to her and stare at her whenever she wanted and as much as she wanted. She was pretty sure her life couldn't get any better than this right now, waking up next to Emily.

But a dark thought fought its way into her brain and she felt a flutter of nerves. What if Emily woke up and regretted it? They had only been back together for a week and Emily had said that she needed time. What if the daze from last night had cleared and Emily wished it hadn't happened?

After an anxious moment Emily's eyes twitched and then blinked open slowly, a soft yawn escaping her mouth. Naomi didn't have words for how adorable she found that sight. The words to describe how perfect Emily is in her eyes didn't exist. The redhead turned her head and looked over to her with waking eyes, smiling sleepily as one hand reached out to rest on top of Naomi's hand on her own stomach.

"I love you," Naomi whispered, feeling the need to reassure Emily.

Emily leant forward slightly and kissed her cheek, her eyes now closed again.

"I know."

It was the reply Naomi had been accustomed to hearing whenever she told her girlfriend that she loved her. She tried to hide her disappointment at hearing it again, especially after last night. She'd hoped it would change something, obviously not. That was until Emily's eyes opened again and stared intensely into hers, rolling onto her side to face her.

"I love you too."

-x-

The End

* * *

**That's it folks! ****I'm having separation anxiety already...I do have an idea for a one-shot sequel of sorts...so keep an eye out or add me to your author alert if you wanna read it...**

**Those of you who don't – this is where we say goodbye...it's been wild...those of you who do...see you in a week or so...unless someone else gets mad at me! :P**

**Oooh and don't forget to review! Wrap party drinks! I'm thinking pina coladas!**

**Last song is **_**'You Picked Me' **_**by A Fine Frenzy from my **_**favourite album of all time**_**...seriously...it's the shit...go buy it!**

**Peace out and I hope you enjoyed reading my story! thanks for all your reviews and alerts and stuff!**

**:)**


	16. NOT A CHAPTER  VOTE ON THE SEQUEL!

**hey peeps,**

**I hope I haven't annoyed you all by teasing you with a new chapter that isn't really a chapter...but I've started writing my sequel to this fic and find myself getting carried away, as I am wont to do. The idea for the sequel is that it is snapshots of their life together...scenes throughout their life...and I can't decide if I should keep them sort of brief and publish it all as a one-shot or expand on each scene and give them each a chapter...there might be like ten in all...I'm leaning towards separate chapters...but I could change my mind again tomorrow!**

**so this is where you come in – DECIDE FOR ME!**

**shoot me a review or private message with what you think I should do...I'll give it a few days and then I should be able to post something by the end of the week...**

**thanks :)**


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